My parents bought me a "smart hygiene seat," which turns an ordinary toilet into a high-tech bidet.

According to my mother, the seat can also relieve constipation by shooting water into my rectum.

Spike TV will telecast four Major League Eating events in 2007, beginning with The MLE St. Patrick's Day Chowdown on March 17.

The first round of the tournament will feature eight eaters consuming corned beef and cabbage.

The top four will advance to the second round which features jalapeños.

The final two advance to green donut eating.

I can accept green donuts, but jalapeños? Obviously, chili peppers make for better television than potatoes, but their connection to an Irish holiday is tenuous.

Starch Madness on Spike TV [The Futon Critic]

To promote the [dramatic] film adaptation of The [Pulitzer Prize-winning] Namesake, star Kal Penn sat down for an interview with…The Lonely Island:

For someone who used to wake up every weekday at 6:00 a.m. to watch the show, I'm ashamed to have overlooked the DVD release of Captain N: The Game Master.

Shout! Factory is rapidly replacing The Criterion Collection in my affections.

Man goes flaccid during drunk Tetris sex [Destructoid]