Harrison Bergeron

More grating animated television adverts:
Guinness or Red Bull?

More cooler-than-thou register clerks:
Whole Foods or Trader Joe's?

More unnecessary sequel:
American Pie 6 or Scary Movie 5?

More interesting to Americans:
Don Imus or the NHL playoffs?

More horrid upcoming American Idol theme:
Country music (April 17) or "emotive, moving, aspirational, triumph-over-adversity songs" (April 24)?

More questionable move by Boston mayor Thomas Menino:
Declaring February 7 "Wild Hogs Day" in Boston or urging local theatres to boycott Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters "out of respect to the people of Boston"?

Crueler and more unusual punishment:
The "secret" levels in Super Mario Sunshine or fat-free cream cheese?