Hope I die before I get old

I want to introduce a feature on Adam Riff™ called
"Jon's grievances against old people."

I detest the elderly with all the test in my heart. If I was President, America would resemble Logan 3's world.


Grievance 1:
Protesting the existence of a farm every morning in the name of "protecting" my neighbourhood. If you have nothing better to do, it's probably time to die.

Grievance 2:
Spending 10 minutes buying soup in an express check-out lane at Safeway.

"Please line this cloth bag I brought with a paper bag to keep my room temperature soups cool."

"Oh I misread the coupon. Remove the bisque and the chowder then."

"$4.99? Let me write a check."

Grievance 3:
Driving below the speed limit on a two-lane street. Is your vision so weak that you can't see the fuckin' carnga line forming behind you?

More to follow…

Television channels I receive:
Your TV 20

Terrible movies with colonated titles starring Lucy Liu:
Rise: Blood Hunter
Code Name: The Cleaner
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

JonBenet Ramsey's father and Natalee Holloway's mother are dating
Meat Hater
CLOONEY: It was pretty embarrassing. They brought Brad and me in, and they just made us take our shirts off and stand there for a while, and then they picked Brad.
PITT: That is absolutely not true.