"What's in an Italian B.M.T.?"
"Salami, pepperoni and ham."
"Can I get a B.M.T. with turkey instead of ham?"

"NO!" the sandwich artist said emphatically.

Why so fascist about substitutions, Subway?

Previously, at a different franchise, I asked for extra turkey instead of ham in a Subway Club and was similarly shot down.

I DON'T LIKE HAM, OKAY?

Mexican fast food restaurants always grant my request for extra rice instead of beans. Why is swapping slices of turkey for ham so impossible?

If I can't replace ham, then at least offer me a turkey combination without fucking ham!

I like how Subway promotes itself as a healthy alternative to burger joints, yet its current Scrabble game requires you to buy 32 oz. fountain drinks to play.