My driver's license expires in October.

I want to renew online, but I need to update my current license.

For one, my photo looks like this:

Swear to God.

Add a half-inch of hair and a hoodie and darken the skin ten shades (poor lighting, not a tan).

For some reason, I decided not to smile that day.

In addition, the signature on my current license is outdated, I didn't sign my full name and the body of the capital "J" pokes through the head slightly.

Even though I rarely have to confront my license, its imperfection still irks me immensely. Same with my passport (a yellow polo shirt — what was I thinking?) and my Social Security Card (shouldn't have signed it at age seven).

I bought a pale shade of base and have been practicing signing an electronic tablet in preparation for my visit to the DMV next week. Third time's the charm.

On my first license, I look like Christopher Walken with pink lipstick on. I didn't expect the DMV to use the photo shot before my 8:00 a.m. road test.