I'm attending a wedding on Saturday, the first of three this summer.
I cannot wait until the funerals I attend in a year outnumber the weddings.
I don't wish to attend more funerals, but I've never felt like my presence at a funeral was a courtesy to the departed.
Moreover, I've never been pressured into catching a garter belt at a funeral.
"Come on, Jon! Don't be a buzzkill! Join the pit of losers in the spotlight!"
Nowadays, if I dream while I sleep, the dream is undoubtedly a nightmare.
I had one recently in which I was prepared to finally pass Biology and then couldn't answer a single question on the Biology final, which was published by Sports Illustrated.
Note that I finished school in 2004 and last took a science class in 2000.
I pleaded with my high school Biology teacher to let me pass Biology anyway, but she said that I'd have to re-take Biology for a third time, and that Biology wouldn't be offered again for another year, at which point I freaked and fled through surreality in a sequence similar to the subcon chase in Being John Malkovich.
And then I woke up.
"Did I just have a nightmare about Biology class?" I thought. "The fuck?"
Of all subjects, I hated and sucked at Chemistry the most.
I tolerated and passed Biology fine, both Honors and AP two years of Biology! Heck, I received a 4 on my AP Bio exam!