Whopper Jr.

Michael Phelps will host the season premiere of Saturday Night Live with musical guest Lil' Wayne.

» Phelps will play himself in half the sketches.
» Phelps will dress in drag.
» Fred Armisen will play Usain Bolt.

Sketch idea: "Be Kind Record." Phelps' iPod crashes before a meet, forcing him to record his own versions of warm-up songs. Weezy cameos.

Sketch idea: Phelps mixes his iPod up with, say, John Tesh's, and must warm up to selections from Tesh's music library.

Sketch idea: Zombie Phelps. Play on Phelps' notorious diet.

Sketch idea: Phelps leaves Egypt with the Hebrews in the Exodus. Phelps abandons the procession at the Red Sea as Pharaoh nears.

"Screw this…"

Jason Lezak pursues him, catches up to him?

Later, an exasperated Moses chastises Phelps for hogging rations of manna and quail.

"But I need energy for swimming!"
"We're in the fuckin' desert!"

Sketch idea: Alive 2. An airplane carrying a team of swimmers from Beijing crash-lands in the wintry desolation of the Eastern Siberia.

"I'm sorry, Dara."

Researchers now believe that not getting enough sleep is a top cause of obesity. At the same time, the World Health Organization (WHO) is considering labeling chronic sleep deprivation a carcinogen, comparable to tobacco and asbestos. [source]

In response to complaints about how you can't jump in Bionic Commando Rearmed, I ask: When was the last time you jumped when not exercising or sporting?

Jumping is unnatural, even for soldiers. More video games should disallow jumping.

Sketch idea: The real Super Mario Bros. 1-1. Fat plumber has to catch his breath after like five jumps.

"Can't I punch enemies? I mean, I can punch blocks!"
"Eh…I don't need those coins."

Game Boy De-Makes
Graphic Evidence Against Steroid Abuse

The 18 contestants competing this fall on Survivor: Gabon include the current international champion of Super Smash Brothers Melee.

Rumoured itinerary for The Amazing Race 13:
1. Los Angeles, CA
2. São Paolo, Brazil
3. Salvador, Brazil
4. Fortaleza, Brazil
5. La Paz, Bolivia
6. Auckland, New Zealand
7. Siem Reap, Cambodia
8. Delhi, India
9. Almaty, Kazakhstan
10. Moscow, Russia
11. Portland, OR

Prediction: Season 14 will skip South America.

Is Moscow in Europe or Asia? Russia is like a gigantic Niagara Falls or Lake Tahoe.

I never realized how large Cuba is.

On February 28, ESPN's College Gameday (Basketball) visits…Haas Pavilion?

If you've ever attended a listening party, please don't visit this web site again.

"The Day That Never Comes"? More like "The Song That Never Ends"!
…and for some reason happens to be in heavy rotation on radio.

How good was Bush's Sixteen Stone? "Machinehead" was the FIFTH single.

Guitar Praise: Christian rock Guitar Hero

This week on The Secret Life of the American Teenager:

—man, tony fader is a weird dude, who while being one of the strangest human beings i've ever met, somehow always seems to know when i was talking about something recently.
—that's because he's a silent guardian, a watchful protector


  1. Tony 28 Aug 08 at 07:21


  2. Adam 28 Aug 08 at 10:22

    How good was Bush's Sixteen Stone? – Uh, Not very good. You speed up or slow down some of their chord progressions and they turn into songs off of Green Day – Dookie. Swear to god.

  3. vladmir 28 Aug 08 at 11:32

    i liked Bush when i was in the fifth grade. i like to think my musical tastes have progressed since then.

    half of californication became singles also. that was a good album.

    stadium arcadium: two discs, hardly any good singles.


  4. Drew 28 Aug 08 at 14:15

    I watched that episode of American Teenager while ironing a pair of dress pants in a hotel room in Portland, Oregon.

  5. omgchris 28 Aug 08 at 23:17

    I don't even know what the fuck a listening party is, but I'm pretty sure it's equivalent to a circle jerk and I'd prefer no part in it.

  6. ee 30 Aug 08 at 22:25

    tony smiles a lot. its like he can read into my mind or see me naked.


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