Over the weekend, I stumbled upon an MTV Cribs Awards special on MTV2 hosted by Kim Kardashian with acceptance speeches and trophies.

Before I could [pause], I saw an ad for Teen Cribs.

This time out, we're featuring ordinary teens who live in extraordinary homes.

We're talking about cribs with indoor treehouses, private nightclubs, computerized libraries, full-court gymnasiums, golf courses, over-the-top movie theatres, even secret rooms and passageways!

Yes, ordinary teens with private nightclubs in their homes.

"This is where the [voice cracks] magic happens."

If I exhibited my teen crib:

"This is my Phantom Menace character cup collection. I must have visited every KFC, Pizza Hut and Taco Bell in the Bay Area trying to complete it. And this is a filing cabinet in which I store dossiers of everyone I know. I'm currently in the process of digitizing it…"