Previously on Adam Riff™:
"I've been suffering from gushing nosebleeds in my left nostril."

Two weeks later, I'm still suffering. My left nostril will not stop bleeding.

I was in the city today and wanted to try a corned beef sandwich I'd read about. As I awaited my order, I noticed blood on my shirt.

Fuck! The timing!

I grabbed a tissue out of my backpack and stuffed it up my left nostril.

Oh Gawd…

I wish someone would invent like a nasal equivalent of foam earplugs for nosebleeds. I'll accept any stopgap more fashionable than this:

Fuck! I forgot to request "no mayo." [sigh] Whatever.

One of the sandwich artistes called my name. I grabbed the box containing my sandwich.

What the…? Fuck!

The bottom of the box was smeared in mayonnaise.

// bloody nose, mayonnaise-covered fingers, partially-blocked mouth, buttery bread, greasy hands swapping tissues, sandwich devoured, nostril clotted //

I checked the time. 2:30 p.m.

I can wait until I reach the theatre to wash my hands and glasses…

I thought I looked relatively presentable in a window pane and skedaddled.


The restroom mirror reflected conspicuous dried blood on my upper lip and chin.

I'd been trekking through the city unshaven, squinting behind smudgy lenses, with blood on my hands and face.

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