"Does the TSA prohibit Scotchgard?"
"In case it rains at the wedding. I don't want to pack an umbrella…"
"I called the hotel. The woman on the phone said that she would submit my early check-in request, but guaranteed nothing, which I assume is a 'no.'"
"My back-up plan is to recoup sleep during a matinee screening at a nearby cineplex. Angels and Demons runs a decent two-and-a-half-hours."
"If Thao and a Mexican girl conceived a child, he or she would be a Hmong beaner."
"You need to stop watching Gran Torino."
"Is this your"
"To-do list, yeah."
"Frozen custard, Coney gyro… Buffalo Wild Wings? This is all food!"
"Don't judge me."