New End Original – "Lukewarm"

Robert was bitter that he scored a 54 on this How Millennial Are You? quiz. The higher your score, the more you have in common with members of the Millennial generation.

Well, I scored an 11.

"Jonny, go to your room!"

—how did you score so low? jesus

I am six years younger than Robert.

cue: perturbed introspection

Should I be on Facebook?

I'm already staying up past 2:00 AM every weeknight to update Adam Riff™. I don't have time to waste on another web site, particularly one that directly exposes me to my past.

However: 11.

I could join Twitter…

A Twitter page would cannibalize Adam Riff™, though, unless I duplicate content, which would render one of the two unnecessary. Also: My six-year-old mobile.

Tweeting with a numeric keypad would be maddening, and with a computer, I might as well just post to Adam Riff™.

Adam Riff™, Adam Riff™, Adam Riff™! Becoming more "Millennial" seemingly requires shifting the paradigm of my beloved web site.

Ben: I can't remember the last time I saw someone with printed Google maps.

My Boss: I can't believe you're still using OS X Tiger.

I still use a ball mouse, a monochrome iPod, an SDTV, and a VCR too.

I'm not a luddite – I work in the tech gadget industry – I just seldom feel inconvenienced by my resources.

Perhaps I should.


  1. Josh 11 Mar 10 at 09:03

    Goddamn. I scored a 7.

  2. Aaron 11 Mar 10 at 17:02

    I'm going to interpret this quiz instead as a "How much of a socially inept knuckle dragging teenie bopper are you?"

    Nonetheless, I got a 97 so… fuck me I guess. Even though I don't even have a subscription to cable, a facebook profile, a twitter account, and use an archaic cell phone. The fact that I HAVE created a facebook profile at some time in the past though and send text messages apparently makes me millennial. This shit's about a billion questions too short to be in any way accurate.

  3. jojo 11 Mar 10 at 17:33

    'Perhaps I should.'

    No, you shouldn't.

  4. Jay 11 Mar 10 at 18:20

    this website is really the only one of its kind, dont be another funny link site or twitter page

  5. Horhay 12 Mar 10 at 00:56

    We love you.

    We need you.

  6. rob 12 Mar 10 at 14:39

    If you've had the same phone for 6 years, I'm pretty sure your service provider would give you a more modern device for free.


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