I
I'm dying to swim, but because I'm unable/reluctant to pay for access to a lane pool, I can't – haven't in four years.

A friend offered me access to her backyard pool, but I can swim from one end to the other in seven seconds. I want to swim, not practice flip turns.

II
Every time I fly, I see Endless Pools in SkyMall and imagine owning one, but even the cheapest model costs $11,000.

I'd feel more comfortable investing in a swimming treadmill if it could double as a bathtub. Surely we have the technology to combine the two. Of course, if I owned an Endless Tub, I'd probably spend two hours a day inside a bathroom.

III
I adopted running to fill my cardio void and, because I'm unable/reluctant to pay for a treadmill or access to a gym, I run outdoors, where some days it is very sunny.

I know I should apply sunscreen, but feel that applying sunscreen isn't worth the trouble for a 90-minute run. Also, the two times I applied sunscreen before running, it unpleasantly dripped into my eyes.

I could wear a headband on top of sunscreen, but feel that wearing a headband is a bit excessive (and dorky) for a run. Also, my forehead would not tan with the other three-fourths of my face.

IV
Ultraviolet rays also affect eyesight, but frankly, I feel that I'm not cool enough to wear sunglasses. I feel like a poseur with sunglasses on. I can't pull them off. I'm a natural born squinter.

So yeah. When I inevitably contract skin cancer and go blind, it will be because I was too cool for headbands and not cool enough for sunglasses.