INT. WHOLE FOODS MARKET – DAY
—Kale, lemon, and cilantro sandwiches?
—The lemon third is slices of lemon.

[sniffing]
—Can you smoke in an underground parking garage? Technically, we are not indoors.

—I've been using coupons for $5 off a meal of $10 or more and just realized that tax is adjusted along with the bill amount.
—So?
—I tip by doubling the tax amount listed on a bill.

INT. STARBUCKS COFFEE – DAY
—What is the balance on the card?
—$3.50.

—She gave me a $5 gift card for Christmas.

—The boxer shorts fit, but the fly holes are misaligned. I have to arc to pee.
—You sure you didn't buy children's boxer shorts?
—If I did, then our army is doomed.
—Why didn't you try them on before paying?
—Well, I bought a sealed pack to save money – buy three, get one free – and even if they weren't sealed, I wouldn't feel comfortable trying on underwear. What if it doesn't fit? I wouldn't want to buy underwear that someone tried on, or underwear that's been washed.