Human Capital Stock

// Los Angeles to San Francisco

I see a sheriff's car entering the roadway and slow down. It moves behind me and flashes its lights.

Really? Goddammit.


Sheriff: Do you know how fast you were driving?
Jon: No…?

I did.

Sheriff: No?! 90 in a 65.

But everyone drives 90+ on this stretch of I-5…

Sheriff: I smell weed.
Jon: What?
Sheriff: Show me your weed.
Jon: Uhh… There is no weed in this car.

And if there was, it would be gummy and ursine.

Sheriff: Do I need to bring the dog out?

You're driving around with a weed-sni—

Jon: The dog won't find anything.

The sheriff calls his partner over.

Sheriff: I smell weed faintly. Do you smell it?
Jon: Oh, you know what? You may be smelling my air freshener. It's…sage and citrus. I didn't buy it. Someone bought it for me.


Sheriff: Can I see your vehicle registration and insurance?

I hand the sheriff my registration and insurance cards.

Sheriff: These are both expired.
Jon: What?

Shit, I didn't switch out the insurance card in my wallet.

Fuck, did I renew my registration?

Guh, how many points is this now?


Sheriff: I'm excusing your lapsed registration because DMVs have been closed. Your court appearance will be in Lamont.

Pfff! I ain't driving out to Kern County to contest a speeding ticket.

What if I received a speeding ticket while driving out to contest a speeding ticket?

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