Defund my butt

Someone made a JCVD for Paul Hogan?

Hogan is happily retired in L.A. and doesn't care much if people think he's either dead or a reclusive has-been. Nor is he excited when told he's due to receive a knighthood for services to comedy. (Australian citizens no longer receive knighthoods, but this fact is overlooked).

So begins a series of unfortunate events that drag Hogan into an unwanted media spotlight and place his impending knighthood in jeopardy.

The trouble begins at a meeting with over-excited Hollywood studio types who think it would be just great if Will Smith played Mick's son in a new Dundee movie. No sooner has Hogan stated the obvious than news leaks out and he's accused of racism by tabloid media.

It gets worse for Hogan. Hogan somehow doesn't realize he's on the red carpet of a Black Talent awards night and not at a fundraiser for underprivileged children. Cue more media furor when Hogan tells reporters he "doesn't pity them" and wants to help "those less fortunate than me." [source]

JCVD and Iko Uwais when?

Someone is making a JCVD for Nicolas Cage:

Nicolas Cage is desperate to get a role in a new Quentin Tarantino movie while also dealing with a strained relationship with his teenage daughter.

He also occasionally talks to an egotistical 1990s version of himself who rides him for making too many crappy movies and for not being a star anymore.

Cage is also under a mountain of debt and finds himself forced to make an appearance at the birthday party of a Mexican billionaire who happens to be a fan of the actor's work and secretly hopes to show him a script on which he's been working.

While he bonds with the man, Cage is informed by the CIA that the billionaire is actually a drug cartel kingpin who has kidnapped the daughter of a Mexican presidential nominee and Cage is subsequently recruited by the U.S. government to get intelligence.

The situation spirals even more dramatically when the billionaire brings over Cage's daughter and his ex-wife for a reconciliation.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *