Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

39. Social Justice Sex Tape (The Premise, S01E01)


Stray Observations

  • "You're the one who had to have Church's. KFC would have been fine."
    "Well, excuse me for considering my digestion." (Heels, S01E05)
  • ♫: Oscar Lang – "I Feel Good" (Heels, S01E05)
  • "You got a DUI in Manhattan. Do you know how hard that is to do?" (Y: The Last Man, S01E01)
  • "Look, can you just tell her, if I knew you were here, I would have just raided a Gap?" (Y: The Last Man, S01E02)
  • "Um, how many other men have you found?"
    "We found plenty of men. None with a Y chromosome…" (Y: The Last Man, S01E03)
  • "They named you after a dead clown." (Y: The Last Man, S01E03)
  • "Wait, you brought a gun."
    "Well, you always bring a gun to a gunfight." (Reservation Dogs, S01E07)
  • "Was the guy that invented plastic, was that his last name?" (Reservation Dogs, S01E07)
  • "'An innocent girl, a harmless driver, what could possibly go wrong?' That's the tagline from License to Drive."
    "Oh. Okay."
    "The second of the Two Coreys trilogy."
    "Sure."
    "Even though they worked together many times after Dream a Little Dream, all their subsequent movies went straight to video." (Reservation Dogs, S01E07)
  • "You fucker!" (Only Murders in the Building, S01E05)
  • "[gasps] Strawberry lube! Oh wait, that gave you a reaction last time."
    "[laughs] Oh, this one."
    "We've got bubblegum lube." (Only Murders in the Building, S01E05)
  • "Rolling deep with cacti today." (Only Murders in the Building, S01E05)
  • "Let me call you back. My cousin just picked up two white boys." (Only Murders in the Building, S01E05)
  • "What flavor do you have there?"
    "Uh, vegan sea salt oil?"
    "Jesus. When did ice cream become a hand lotion?" (Only Murders in the Building, S01E05)
  • "I'm bored. You're boring. That's the problem with you Republicans."
    "You're a Republican!"
    "Mm, I'm a conservative. You're all too nice. What does that get you? It, it gets you Dole."
    "What's wrong with Dole?"
    "Um, he lost? Idiotic American females couldn't wait to reelect their fat boyfriend. (American Crime Story, S03E02)
  • "Paula, I see you've had a makeover. How long have you had the braces?" (American Crime Story, S03E02)


(American Crime Story, S03E02)

  • "Wow. Uh, bold design choice."
    "What? I like anime." (What If…?, S01E06)
  • "Hey. Hey. If we could miniaturize an arc reactor… No, that's a dumb idea." (What If…?, S01E06)
  • "I'm sorry, are you allowed to say that to people in my tax bracket?" (What If…?, S01E06)
  • "Why wear the uniform of your own oppressors? Fight for them? Die for them?"
    "Kid, you've gotta be part of the system to change the system."
    "Nah. You can burn it down." (What If…?, S01E06)
  • "The difference between you and me…is that you can't see the difference between you and me." (What If…?, S01E06)
  • "Power, unearned, can be a very volatile force, cousin. It'll get the best of you, eventually." (What If…?, S01E06)
  • MasterChef Season Grade: D
  • "I am real. Like J. Lo featuring Ja Rule." (Awkwafina Is Nora From Queens, S02E06)
  • "This is the longest I've held something that wasn't a cocktail or a grudge." (American Horror Story, S10E05)
  • "The studio's planning a whole Speed Racer expanded universe." (American Horror Story, S10E05)
  • "Good luck in your universe. Motherfucker!" (American Horror Story, S10E05)
  • "You don't feed off your brother." (American Horror Story, S10E05)
  • "Newborn makes veal taste like horseshit." (American Horror Story, S10E05)
  • "Shouldn't we check the window?"
    "No, we have to go around to the back door."
    "Are you sure?"
    "Yeah, I used to be a freaking methhead. You don't think I know how to break into a goddamn house?" (American Horror Story, S10E05)
  • "Hey, man, I'm sosorry to bug you. Um, we actually haven't had a chance to meet yet, but I'm just a huge fan of your activism. You actually quote-tweeted me once."
    "All right, cool, man…" (The Premise, S01E01)
  • "So Ethan, what led to your decision to masturbate to this sex tape?"
    "I guess I was lonely and I had some work I was avoiding doing so I was procrastibating, I guess."
    "So the woman on the tape identified as Vanessa Delacorte is…um…well, there's really no other way to say this…much more attractive than you?"
    "Objection. Opinion not fact."
    "Overruled. I'll allow it as fact." (The Premise, S01E01)
  • "So Ethan, what led to your decision to masturbate to this sex tape?"
    "I guess I was lonely and I had some work I was avoiding doing so I was procrastibating, I guess." (The Premise, S01E01)
  • ♫: String "Back That Azz Up" (The Premise, S01E01)
  • "I went through more than 10,000 of Mr. Streiber's tweets and I just want to understand the psychology and credibility of that type of individual. This one calls for abolishing the police. This one calls for more law enforcement at a Tame Impala show. 'Never trust the government,' 'never trust the pharmaceutical industry,' and then 'the government is doing an amazing job rolling out the vaccine.' You're an idiot if you don't get it. This one says MJ is the GOAT, this one says LeBron is the GOAT. You can't have two GOATs. And what do you all think of this one? 'Maybe more cops will go to jail if they didn't put the stupidest people in America on juries.'" (The Premise, S01E01)
  • "Everybody is dragging me for not being a perfect person. I've really done everything I can think of to do. I posted that black square, I deleted that black square, I reposted the black square, and then I redeleted the black square." (The Premise, S01E01)
  • "The justice system wants to fuck people like Darren. And the social justice system wants to fuck people like me." (The Premise, S01E01)
  • "She's kind of cute."
    "Yeah, 'kind of' is generous."
    "What about her?"
    "What a ten world, no sevens." (The Premise, S01E02)
  • "I followed her for, like, a week. That's longer than I followed Jameela Jamil." (The Other Two, S02E07)
  • "See, the reason I still follow her is because her boyfriend is hot, and he doesn't have his own account—or, you know he does, but he's straight, so it's all photography." (The Other Two, S02E07)
  • "God, ever since mom posted that Deadline article, everybody thinks Night Nurse is still happening."
    "Which is great. You get all the credit for being in a movie without having to actually film it. Like Angelina Jolie and all those Maleficent movies."
    "Yeah, there's no way those were real, right?"
    "No. They are 100% just posters." (The Other Two, S02E08)
  • "Of course Dean's straight! But you're not gonna say a word because we need him at events like this. You think Gus Kenworthy is coming to this shit if it's just Billie Jean King? No. Plus, if he leaves, who do we flirt with?"
    "Um, all the other gay people?"
    "Ew." (The Other Two, S02E08)
  • "And the whole heist ends up with everyone at the Brooklyn Bridge."
    "Is that meaningful? Have we ever been there together as a squad?"
    "Uh, yeah."
    [title sequence] (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E09)
  • "It's a trip down memory lane."
    "Not a problem. I have the memory of a—the thing with the big nose and ears."
    "Prince Charles." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E09)
  • "For the record, I'm not a cannibal anymore. My new passion is needlepoint embroidery. Look at these. Two parrots in love. A turtle with a monocle and a top hat." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E09)
  • "Okay, you got me. I was gonna eat you. That's still my thing. It's even affected my needlepoint. Look at this. Liver. A heart. Butt. An arm. Mmm." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E09)
  • Cannibal needlepoint (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E09)
  • "Yeah, I got to stop trying to recapture the magic of the original and move on. Anyways, back to the eighth annual heist." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E09)
  • "I got it off Ukrainian Etsy. They sell arts and crafts and tactical gear." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E09)
  • "Hey, Bill. Rough year?"
    "Yeah, the pandemic was really hard on my industry."
    "Which is?"
    "Nursing home seductions." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E09)
  • "That's what you get for being a nerd who wears seatbelts. Cool people die gruesome, preventable deaths." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E09)
  • "I come over and we watch sports. We are obsessed with college swimming." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E10)
  • "A six-month subscription to the Rosetta Stone?"
    "That's my present for Peralta."
    "Your present to me is school?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E10)
  • Cheers finale (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S08E10)
  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season Grade: C
  • "Have you got a little secret, you little sick fuck?"
    "Yeah, come on, you stinky bitch. The library is open." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • "I am playing a game called The Big Bang Theory game. So hypnotic. Really has me in its grips. Two Leonards and a Raj. I need three Rajs!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • "'Bazinga' is the war cry of Sheldon, their tall leader." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • Colin getting got caught up in the hotel information channel (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • "Bat! Ugh, a fucking sparrow. The lamest of all birds." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • "This Big Bang Theory. is really very good. Very faithful to the slot machine." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • "Laszlo can be a real Leonard sometimes, can't he?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • "Look at that. You got a couple Koothrappalis, a Hofstadter, and four Wolowitzes. Oh, and Penny. Not bad." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • Discworld (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • "But now, thanks to modern science, Nandor understands that we're all just temporary aggregations of dust and fluid camping out on a big rock that's just one of an infinite number of equally unspecial big rocks that make up part of this vast and uncaring universe." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • "This is science."
    "But this is a turtle!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • [escalator]
    "Uh, how does it…?"
    "You have to step on it."
    "I'm on. I'm on!"
    "Just…"
    "What is happening? Am I flying?"
    "Just hold on to this."
    "Possessed by witches!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • Empty polaroids (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E04)
  • "Shut up, Thierry Henry." (Ted Lasso, S02E09)
  • "In all my happiest memories, I'm single. That troubles me." (Ted Lasso, S02E09)
  • Coach Beard dancing to ♫: Martin Solveig and Dragonette – "Hello" (Ted Lasso, S02E08)
  • ♫: Blur – "The Universal" (Ted Lasso, S02E08)
  • "Lee Byung-hun's in it." (Squid Game, S01E06)


(Squid Game, S01E09)

  • Squid Game Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Girls5eva

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