Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

43. That boy is poisoned (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)

Honourable Mention

  • Pho Power (The Next Thing You Eat, S01E04)

Stray Observations

  • "Member number?"
    "Member number. One, zero, zero. That's my member number." (BMF, S01E04)
  • "Dad? Want me to ride with you?"
    "You wanna suck my dick?"
    "Is what he said to his son as the sexual assault allegations poured in." (Succession, S03E01)

(Succession, S03E01)

  • "Get the Raisin. Let's go to the top." (Succession, S03E01)
  • "Do we want to order some food?"
    "Food? Swallow. We're on saliva and adrenaline here, until we get on a plane. All right? No local foods. I get the shits, we're fucked." (Succession, S03E01)
  • "Uh, you're the number one trending topic, ahead of Tater Tots, and the Pope followed you. Okay, no, this is not the—is this the real? No, I don't think this is the Pope. No, it's, it's a pope. It's not the Pope." (Succession, S03E01)
  • "This is crazy. This is like, this is like O.J. I mean, except if O.J. never killed anyone."
    "Who said I never killed anyone?"
    "What character is that?"
    "Juice is loose, baby!" (Succession, S03E01)
  • "Shiv, Roman, Gerri are gonna go back to manage New York. No need for me to go running back like a slapped girl, looks weak." (Succession, S03E01)
  • "Karl, if your hands are clean it's only because your whorehouse also does manicures." (Succession, S03E01)
  • "Have a problem in there, buddy? Can't find a vein?" (Succession, S03E01)
  • "If it's going, you want it?"
    "I don't wanna be buried like Miss Haversham with a fucking bonnet full of clever stratagems, so, yeah! Yes! Yes, I want it!" (Succession, S03E01)
  • "Well, I just, I may as well say, on a dumb level, I'd like my Twitter to be off the hook. This could all get super earnest, so I was thinking of hitting up some BoJack guys. You know? Some, some, some of the Lampoon kids…just to smash that shit, make my feed a little powder keg people need to check-in with?"
    "Like cool tweets that position you?"
    "Yeah, that would be the…straight-leg chino way of putting it. 'Cool tweets.'" (Succession, S03E01)
  • "I'd lay you badly, but I'd lay you gladly." (Succession, S03E01)
  • "Look, I wasn't gonna say anything, but…Brittany saw you steal a box set."
    "I did not steal any…"
    "Law & Order, season ten. I‐I know you've been strapped for cash since Eddie, but that's a fireable offense."
    "It was in the bargain bin, okay? The package was…"
    "You know, you can pretty much watch Law & Order whenever you want. Just turn on the TV, and there it is. Now my hands are tied." (Y: The Last Man, S01E08)
  • "Okay, we‐we gotta break the door down."
    "Excuse me? We weigh 125 combined."
    "Oh, thank you. It's the dips." (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
  • "So, I know this isn't easy to hear, but…we found out that Tim was having some sort of romantic thing with—"
    "Jan was fucking Tim Kono!" (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
  • "You almost let me break my scapula earlier, and you could do this?"
    "Charles taught me. I taught him how to use Postmates, and he taught me how to do this."
    "Aw. You two, I swear. It's like watching Paper Moon for the first time all over again." (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
  • "Jan's Lil T♥xins" (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
  • "You overpay for your arugula every time, Uma."
    "You're one to talk, Miss Fresh Basil in February." (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
  • "We are all Tim Kono." (Only Murders in the Building, S01E10)
  • Only Murders in the Building Season Grade: B
  • "You know, I have a queer kid."
    "You have a kid?"
    "And you're cool with it?"
    "I'm not a monster, Jake." (Chucky, S01E02)
  • "Trick or treat!"
    "Oh. Aren't you girls a little mature for this type of thing? You know, when I was your age, I was high as a kite." (Chucky, S01E02)

(Chucky, S01E02)

  • "Wow, Jake. You look incredible."
    "That looks so real."
    "Yeah. Who you supposed to be, though?"
    "Victim of circumstances." (Chucky, S01E02)
  • "You have to ask him."
    "Ask him what?"
    "Did he fuck this intern?" (American Crime Story, S03E07)
  • "I can't be fucking Richard Nixon. You know, everything you work for gone, shell of yourself for the rest of your life." (American Crime Story, S03E07)
  • The Roseanne Show (American Crime Story, S03E07)
  • "That thing was eating Ronnie."
    "Who's Ronnie?"
    "The one with his face eaten off." (American Horror Story, S10E10)
  • "I can't believe we traded the best parts of being human – our freedom, curiosity, our need to explore – all for microchip technology and the ability to send memes around the world. What a sad race we turned out to be." (American Horror Story, S10E10)

(American Horror Story, S10E10)

  • "Why do you get to decide what's right?"
    "Because I'm Mamie goddamn Eisenhower." (American Horror Story, S10E10)
  • American Horror Story Season Grade: C
  • "That's Colin Robinson's favorite song."
    "Oh, good. You guys added 'The Hamster Dance' to the playlist." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
  • "You know he's not going to die. You're not going to get his money."
    "I'm gonna do the Humpty Hump later. "(What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
  • Donal Logue (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
  • "Ranch for the human consort!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
  • "Hey, guys. I think I'm gonna pass on the…the fuck-and-suck show." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
  • Colin Robinson farting (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
  • "That awkward moment…" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
  • "I kind of feel like the first 100 years of my life were wasted, so…starting tomorrow, Colin Robinson's motto is 'young, dumb, and full of cum.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
  • "He farted, not me!" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
  • "Hello, Guillermo. Did you bring more people to yank on my pee-pee?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)
  • "He let out one last quiet fart, a gentle one, and then he expired." (What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)

(What We Do in the Shadows, S03E09)

  • "Check out this asshole's novelty tie. Come on, Reagan, you wanna hate-watch Cosmos with me?" (Inside Job, S01E01)
  • "I graduated Yale top of my frat." (Inside Job, S01E01)
  • "The world is ablaze with the president's bold call to withdraw from the globe. The question remains: what does being trapped in a giant metal box mean for Wall Street?" (Inside Job, S01E01)
  • "Jet fuel? Brett, you know this can't melt anything." (Inside Job, S01E01)
  • "Honey, that guy is a legend."
    "Yeah, and a sweetheart. He talked me off the ledge after my divorce."
    "He talked me onto a ledge at a parkour convention." (Inside Job, S01E02)
  • "Have you ever seen Akira?"
    "Of course I've seen Akira! Anime is very mainstream right now!" (Inside Job, S01E02)
  • "Andre, can you synthesize a chemical compound that can dissolve a giant flesh monster thing?"
    "If it can kill you, I've made it and sold it to Monsanto." (Inside Job, S01E02)
  • "Netflix paid a hundred million for it."
    "Yeah. Wow. I mean, holy shit. Isn't the rainforest burning?" (Inside Job, S01E02)
  • "Ooh, girl, your eyes are sunken. You look like if Steve Buscemi mated with Steve Buscemi." (Inside Job, S01E03)
  • "We reptoids have had a great decade. Thanks to propaganda in the media, we have made society more tolerant of our kind, from the Geico Gecko to The Shape of Water. We even got K. Rool in Smash!" (Inside Job, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: What We Do in the Shadows

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