Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

22. Arthur's Abortion Dojo (That Damn Michael Che, S02E01)

Stray Observations

  • Henry sucking Henry's dick (The Time Traveler's Wife, S01E02)
  • Kevin sucking the genie's dick (That Damn Michael Che, S02E04)
  • Tooken (That Damn Michael Che, S02E05)

Stray Observations

  • "Do you know where she lives?"
    "I don't know. What, were you gonna, like, send her an angry letter or something?"
    "No, no, nothing like that. I'm just gonna freak her out a little bit."
    "Freak her out how?"
    "Oh, there's a lot of ways. It's, you know…nothing bad. No, it's just…like, for instance, I could…send her a picture of herself sleeping. You know, just as a way of being like, 'Hey, not cool what you did to Sally,' you know?"
    "So you'd break into her house?"
    "Oh, she'd never know I was there. No, the whole point is to isolate her and make her feel like she's going insane. So, I would just do little things, like replace her dog with a slightly different dog, or, you know, change the furniture in her house so she thinks she's shrinking. You know, basic stuff, most of it I learned in the military. Some of it on a subreddit. You know… Basically, just plant a seed, and then they just kinda hang themselves, so it's super nonviolent. But by the end of it, like, her brain will have essentially eaten itself, you know? But that's on the table if you want it. Okay?" (Barry, S03E05)
  • "Sorry, I don't know what this— Who—who's behind this new voice in my head, but, um, it's pretty, uh—it's a pretty significant distraction. Sorry."
    "It's not new. And it's not a distraction either. It's what happens when you're taught your whole life that you need God to guide you. It's frightening…being alone with your own mind."
    "How have you managed—managed this?"
    "I tried to defeat the church, in my own mind, see what kind of person was left behind. I read our history. All of it. All of that personal revelation, it seems to me that it's just men listening to their own selfish desires and calling it God so they can justify…anything. (Under the Banner of Heaven, S01E06)
  • "Maybe I should just quit and go run Fox Searchlight or whatever." (Hacks, S02E05)
  • "No one can compete with a 20-foot cow vagina behind them." (Hacks, S02E05)
  • "I've always wanted to visit, and I love Memphis music."
    "Wait, really? Like what? Like…like Elvis?"
    "No, like Three 6 Mafia, Pooh Shiesty, Project Pat, Young Dolph, Yo Gotti, NLE Choppa." (Hacks, S02E06)
  • "Oh, I don't think Luna's gonna be funny. She's really comfortable with herself." (Hacks, S02E06)
  • "Happy people eat steak." (Hacks, S02E06)
  • "Aren't you always telling me to believe women? It's exhausting, but we do." (Hacks, S02E06)
  • "Actually about my grandmother. Rosemary."
    "Yeah, she was the first '& Daughter' on a sign in City Island." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • "We did a pilot for a hidden camera show."
    "Yeah, it was called P-BAG. Pranked by a Girl." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • "Anyway, last order of beez-ness… I'm being cute, not Spanish…" (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • "Why would we compete within our own family? We are not the Williams sisters. We are the McConaugheys."
    "He has a brother?"
    "Exactly." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • Lifetime Raw (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • "We're not letting a man pit us against each other."
    "I actually consider myself a parade-sized boy, but point taken." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • "If you wanted the solo, why didn't you just come out and say it like a normal person?"
    "Why didn't you just offer it like a normal person? Even Paul lets George do his own thing sometimes."
    "Because Paul George is one basketball man, Dawn." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • "You have a voice like Lenny Kravitz's penis, and you hide it under a bushel? That is a sin."
    "And even Lenny's penis busted out eventually." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • "When did singing become all about winning for you?"
    "October 16th, 1995."
    "The Million Man March?" (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • "There are so many great nominees for 'Best Hip-Hop, Rap, or Reggae Video [Caucasian].'" (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • "Oh, my God. I'm on a list with Drew Carey and Beyoncé. Why did I pick that order?" (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • ♫: Girls5eva – "B.P.E." (Girls5eva, S02E06)
  • "Che, you got one hour before this story goes global, and then after that…"
    "After that, what?"
    "You gonna have to move to Austin and start slingin' right-wing jokes."
    "Kenan, any moment, somebody's gonna come out in my defense and support me."
    "Well, so far, it's only been Ben Shapiro, Candace Owens, and Kwame Brown."
    "Goddamn, that's the worst three." (That Damn Michael Che, S02E01)
  • "Michael, studies show that every Black person has one bitch nigga in their family for every five real. But you've got five real niggas for every 12 bitch."
    "What study says that? What are you—?"
    "Look, the math may seem confusing, but these numbers make you almost white."
    "Is there anybody in my family that's not an old coon?"
    "Well, there's some young coons. We did find something interesting. Check this out."
    "Is that Jason Whitlock?"
    "We couldn't find anything saying that you two are related, but you have to be. Come on. Distant cousins or something." (That Damn Michael Che, S02E05)

Wayne Brady (That Damn Michael Che, S02E06)

  • </That Damn Michael Che, S02>
  • Flea (Obi-Wan Kenobi, S01E01)
  • "That's a rad shirt, man. Ocean Pacific?" (Stranger Things, S04E02)

(Stranger Things, S04E02)

  • "Can you pass me the olive oil?"
    "That's wine." (Stranger Things, S04E03)
  • "This risotto is shmackin', dude." (Stranger Things, S04E03)
  • "Okay. She's in."
    "I'm missing collarbones, not eyes." (Stranger Things, S04E03)
  • "I'll punch you so hard your teeth will fall back out."
    "Whoa. Too far." (Stranger Things, S04E03)
  • "It's like a mini-Watergate or something. Hawkinsgate."
    "Wait a second. Didn't those guys get caught?" (Stranger Things, S04E03)
  • "I can't breathe in this thing, and I'm itchy. I'm itching all over."
    "It's not all about comfort. Okay? We're academics."
    "Who are evidently coming straight from Easter brunch. Also, this bra that you gave me is really pinching my boobs."
    "Okay. Could you just let me do the talking? If that's even possible?"
    "It's not only possible, it's inevitable. Because shortly, I'll be dead from strangulation." (Stranger Things, S04E04)

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