Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

21. Eyes Spice (Succession, S04E08)

Honourable Mention

  • Misty's fever dream (Yellowjackets, S02E07)

Stray Observations

  • "Go on. You're lumber. Keep your snout out." (Succession, S04E08)
  • "If we do this…people…people are gonna say shit."
    "Yeah. We'll be in the West Wing. Nothing matters, Ken. Nothing fucking matters. Dad's dead, and the country's just a big…pussy waiting to get fucked. Fucking…action, okay? We can pay for any damages. Let's just jam our fuckin' heads in the bosom of history and just…[gobbles]." (Succession, S04E08)
  • ♫: Nirvana – "Something in the Way" (Yellowjackets, S02E07)
  • "No, Ben. Stop. Look, if you kill yourself right now, we will eat you." (Yellowjackets, S02E07)
  • ♫: Live – "Lightning Crashes" (Yellowjackets, S02E07)

(Barry, S04E06)

  • Bill Burr (Barry, S04E06)
  • "What do we think happened there?"
    "Well, boss, I'm like an incomplete list of Madeline Kahn's best films: I ain't got no clue." (Ted Lasso, S03E10)
  • "Couldn't imagine being in a different country than my axes." (Ted Lasso, S03E10)
  • "Your name's on the back there. Uh, I got 'em to change the E to a U." (Ted Lasso, S03E10)
  • "Each game, an undry dream." (Ted Lasso, S03E10)
  • "Why is it so granular?
    "Oh, my God."
    "Is this garlic hummus?"
    "I like it."
    "Should we, like, switch to tahini or…ketchup?"
    "I think we should, like, uh, abandon all condiment-based hand jobs. Just for a moment." (Dave, S03E08)
  • "This is so much cooler than a hummus hand job." (Dave, S03E08)
  • "MGK! MGK! You got to have a huge cock, right?"
    "Uh…okay." (Dave, S03E08)
  • "Don! What's next for you?"
    "Uh, you know, some Marvel shit." (Dave, S03E08)
  • Don Cheadle farting (Dave, S03E08)
  • "So I'm saying it's like, it's like pickleball."
    "But it's better than pickleball."
    "Because you can, you don't have to be dressed." (Dave, S03E08)
  • "Yeah, uh…I don't think this guy was taking a shit."
    "And I'm from Kentucky, so I know shit."
    "That's facts."
    "Yeah, he does."
    "What? What the fuck does that even mean?" (Dave, S03E08)
  • "All right, I'm gonna go hang out with some Black people." (Dave, S03E08)
  • "Oh, hi, I'm here to speak to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez about a job."
    "Oh, well, she's in her office, going live for the next seven hours." (The Other Two, S03E04)
  • "Uh, yeah, he talked to all of them, so the whole jury's gonna have join SAG." (The Other Two, S03E04)
  • "Buffalo Wild Wings?"
    "Buffalo Wild Wings."
    "Are you fucking kidding me?"
    "The company passed. Said my code was too ambitious for their needs, which I knew. But I was young, and I thought, you know, why not shoehorn philanthropy into this app for chicken wings? Everybody loves chicken wings. I'll just Trojan horse that shit right in between the 26 sauces and seasonings. And I thought maybe somebody might use it for good. So I stripped all mention of Buffalo Wild Wings, took my name off of it, and uploaded it to Open Source from Nana's kitchen table, right downstairs."
    "So the Wings were literal? And the Expiration Dates, is that coupons? And why the hell did It send me to find this?"
    "Oh. The fuck is that?"
    "The Holy fucking Grail! So maybe explain to me why a beta version for a Buffalo Wild Wings app sent me on a quest to find it?"
    "Anyone who pitched to them had to embed their employee manual into our code. Page one, golden rule: '100% customer satisfaction is our Holy Grail.'" (Mrs. Davis, S01E08)
  • "Before I leave, may I ask one thing?"
    "Please do."
    "On a scale of one to five stars, how would you rate your experience with me?" (Mrs. Davis, S01E08)
  • </Mrs. Davis, S01>
  • </Shark Tank, S14>
  • "All right, keep it simple. Does he go to Blondie's or Fat Slice for pizza? And don't think. Just answer."
    "I think Fat Slice."
    "He's Black."
    "No, he's just not Blondie's white."
    "And Asians go to Blondie's. Don't be grouping us with white people. Yellow Peril supports Black Power."
    "Well, bring the Asians to Fat Slice."
    "No, go to Graffiti Pizza. A Black woman owns that."
    "Don't be grouping all us Asians together. I'm Taiwanese." (Blindspotting, S02E07)
  • "And let's face it, she is a lot, like Kirstie Alley on Twitter." (Blindspotting, S02E07)
  • "I didn't know what to do with my dog because he gets separation anxiety."
    "[all] Hmm."
    "But you would love him. Chauncey is the world's sweetest pit."
    [crowd mumbling]
    "Luckily, my cousin Meredith, she came over to sit with him. But then driving over here,
    I got pulled over."
    [all mumbling]
    "Thank goodness I knew the cop."
    [all muttering]
    "'Cause he pulled me over last week."
    "[crowd] Ah!"
    "So I pulled out my 'friends and family of a cop' badge again, and he let me go."
    [all chattering] (Blindspotting, S02E07)
  • "You guys are messing with me. How bad could it be?"
    "How bad could it be? Have you seen the movie San Andreas? It's like that. But the earthquake is in your butt." (Primo, S01E02)
  • "So you either help us or you eat your mom's food and waste away like a conquistador getting Montezuma's Revenge."
    "Have you seen The Exorcist? It's like that. But the devil is in your butt."
    "Primo, if we don't stop your mom from cooking, the entire San Antonio metro sewer system is doomed."
    "Have you seen the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan? It's like that. But your butt."
    "That's it."
    "That's it, right? I got it, right? That's pretty good." (Primo, S01E02)
  • "I call it the Trojan horseradish."
    "I love that. Great name."
    "Right? Because it protects everything that goes inside, like a condom." (Primo, S01E02)
  • "Um, I read your diary when we were kids. Do you still wanna marry Aladdin? You don't have to answer." (Primo, S01E02)
  • "I stole your Skechers Shape-Ups because they make me look taller."
    "You wear the same shoe size as Drea?"
    "No, I ball my foot up like a little fist. That's not the point." (Primo, S01E02)
  • "'Pesky by Leguizamo'?" (Primo, S01E03)

» "Check this out. It's Britney Spears for Petco. Technically, it's for holding tiny dogs, but it works well as an everyday purse." (Primo, S01E03)

  • "There's no Bluetooth in here, is there?"
    "Only if you're talking about my dead molar." (Primo, S01E03)
  • "Do you like Bad Bunny? He rode on top of a truck into WrestleMania." (Primo, S01E03)
  • "Thanks to you, my only chance to impress the girl that I like somehow involves manual labor and bagging squirrel skeletons. And that's two of my worst things." (Primo, S01E03)
  • "Hey, so then he like hopped on like a little scooter and he scooted off, so I never saw his full face, but I'm like 90% sure it was Morgan Freeman."
    "Morgan Freeman has never been on a scooter." (Primo, S01E03)
  • "Well, actually, no, all is not well, because the universe has also given you Hepatitis B."
    "Hmm, that's the chill one. I'm fine."
    "You also have a virus that's only found in sharks and you have a shark tooth embedded in your thigh. So, I have to ask, have you been intimate with a shark?" (Primo, S01E03)
  • "This deserves a place on the wall of accomplishments and praise. The wall of accomplishments and praise. The WAP."
    "Ma, please. You have to say the whole name now, remember?" (Primo, S01E04)
  • "I feel like you do like to throw that term around."
    "Ugh. Not enough bubbles. Cancel culture. You're breaking up with me just because I took a platonic nap with your sister? That's cancel culture. Cell service canceled for non-payment? You know what this is?" (Primo, S01E04)
  • "Okay, listen, it's my house. It's my WAP."
    "Oh, my god, ma, please." (Primo, S01E04)
  • "Hey, remember that one time you had a stroke while you were having a heart attack?"
    "I mean, probably not, I guess, because it was a massive stroke that badly damaged your brain." (Primo, S01E04)
  • "If you wanna join the financial sector, there are millions of options. You can open a checking account. You can open a savings account."
    "So two options?"
    "Yeah, those are the two." (Primo, S01E04)
  • "I'm a vigilante for justice. That's why I have a tattoo of lady justice."
    "Is that Halle Berry?"
    "Yeah. Yeah, she used to be married to David Justice, so she was Lady Justice." (Primo, S01E05)
  • "Rafa, the girl was excited about asparagus. Now, all you gotta do is be more interesting than a vegetable."
    "Yeah. I can do that. I think I can do that. I mean, asparagus is the most dynamic vegetable, though. Like it starts out one way, and then it gets complicated at the top in a way that you just don't see coming."
    "What's the second most dynamic vegetable?"
    "Tomatoes. You can put it in meats and salads."
    "Tomato is a fruit, though."
    "Yeah. Exactly. Another reason why it's one of the most dynamic. It's unstoppable. It goes: asparagus, tomato, cabbage." (Primo, S01E05)
  • "It's just an old bookshelf. We'll get you a brand new one. I know a place that has great bookshelves. And meatballs."
    "Is it Ikea?"
    "It's Ikea." (Primo, S01E05)
  • "Brown knight rises!"
    "That seems racist."
    "Harris is Filipino, it's close enough." (Primo, S01E05)
  • "Harris, your mom wants you to break down the boxes in the back and then stock the cooler."
    "Ugh. When I inherit this place, I'm getting rid of the cooler. No more ice.
    Catch you guys later."
    "Abolish ice. Hmm. Get it?" (Primo, S01E06)
  • "They heard the theatre kids got busted for butt-chugging."
    "Oh, bummer. Wait, what's butt-chugging?"
    "It's exactly what you think it is."
    "What happened to good old-fashioned heroin? You know?" (Primo, S01E07)
  • "May I hang up, sir?"
    "Were you one of the butt-chuggers? Drink with your mouth, son." (Primo, S01E07)
  • "You date for the job you want, not the job you have." (Primo, S01E07)
  • "I, I'd be…I'd be so happy to give you some of my urine, sir. It would be an absolute honor and a privilege."
    "I don't want your urine, Rafael." (Primo, S01E07)
  • "Why do you think I don't have a girlfriend? I mean, I got the prescription deodorant, so it's not that anymore." (Primo, S01E07)
  • "This revenge had a lot more urine than I was anticipating."
    "How much is it usually?"
    "Zero." (Primo, S01E07)
  • "Here's what you gotta do. You know how when the military, they're like, the first word and the last word out of your mouth needs to be 'sir'? Do it like that, but with 'girl.' Girl, you look so fine, girl. Like that."
    "Has it ever worked for you?"
    "Boy, no, it has not, boy."
    "Just get her a present like a vape pen or a waterbed. Then she'll know."
    "You want me to buy her a waterbed?"
    "Girl, I bought you a waterbed, girl."
    "See? That sounds dope." (Primo, S01E08)
  • "There's only double-decker buses or burgers. How come?" (Primo, S01E08)
  • "This is just Gloria's car, isn't it?"
    "Goddammit, Rollie."
    "I thought they were his keys. They were on the table next to his sunglasses."
    "The ones that say 'coffee slut' in rhinestones?" (Primo, S01E08)
  • </Primo, S01>

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