Adam Riff™

I can't stop laughing at this:

• Something about these Ant-Man stills, viewed concurrently, makes me laugh a lot.

IF ONLY.

What if her doctor had not excised the spermatophores?

Are squid spermatophores transmittable orally?

Story Idea: She impregnates a woman via cunnilingus, and…half-squid child – a male who ejaculates black semen.

Red Dawn

• Marvel Comics Pay Homage to Hip-Hop Albums With Variant Covers

Has anyone watched this web series that Subway commissioned to "engage its brand with the VICE audience"?

The Thing Burger is topped with a "Thing sauce" and served on a bun that evokes The Thing.

The Human Torch Skillet contains fire-roasted bell peppers and jalapeños, is topped with a five pepper sauce and pepper jack queso, and is served on a hot skillet.

The pancakes of the Invisible Woman Slam are drizzled with a clear citrus glaze.

Why no Mr. Fantastic dish? Queso fundido may not be feasible, but surely Denny's can make grilled cheese sandwiches.

I hope Taco Bell revives its "Feel the Force" game for The Force Awakens.

• Pantone announced the creation of an official new PANTONE Color, Minion Yellow
  Pharrell Williams came up with the idea

• On a Warmer Planet, Which Cities Will Be Safest?

Under any model of climate change, scientists say, most of the country will look and feel drastically different in 2050, 2100 and beyond, even as cities and states try to adapt and plan ahead. Although few people today are moving long distances to strategize for climate change, some are at least pondering the question of where they would go.

"The answer is the Pacific Northwest, and probably especially west of the Cascades," said Ben Strauss, vice president for climate impacts and director of the program on sea level rise at Climate Central, a research collaboration of scientists and journalists. "Actually, the strip of coastal land running from Canada down to the Bay Area is probably the best."

Clifford E. Mass, a professor of atmospheric science at the University of Washington, writes a popular weather blog in which he predicts that the Pacific Northwest will be "a potential climate refuge" as global warming progresses. A Seattle resident, he foresees that "climate change migrants" will start heading to his city and to Portland, Ore., and surrounding areas.

Already, he said, Washington State is gearing up to become the next Napa Valley as California's wine country heats up and dries out.

• An earthquake will destroy a sizable portion of the coastal Northwest. The question is when.

In the Pacific Northwest, everything west of Interstate 5 covers some hundred and forty thousand square miles, including Seattle, Tacoma, Portland, Eugene, Salem (the capital city of Oregon), Olympia (the capital of Washington), and some seven million people. When the next full-margin rupture happens, that region will suffer the worst natural disaster in the history of North America.

FEMA projects that nearly thirteen thousand people will die in the Cascadia earthquake and tsunami. Another twenty-seven thousand will be injured, and the agency expects that it will need to provide shelter for a million displaced people, and food and water for another two and a half million.

The science is robust. We now know that the odds of the big Cascadia earthquake happening in the next fifty years are roughly one in three. The odds of the very big one are roughly one in ten. Even those numbers do not fully reflect the danger—or, more to the point, how unprepared the Pacific Northwest is to face it.

The earthquake will have wrought its worst havoc west of the Cascades. The economy of the Pacific Northwest will collapse. Crippled by a lack of basic services, businesses will fail or move away. Many residents will flee as well. OSSPAC predicts a mass-displacement event and a long-term population downturn.

Danielle: How long have you been talking about moving to Seattle?
Jon: Heh. Over a decade now.
Jon: Shit, since I began talking about moving to Seattle, Jon Wilcox has moved to FIVE different cities – including Seattle.

Chris Hardwick was so ubiquitous at Comic-Con that I wonder if Nerdist Industries couldn't stage its own convention and crush Comic-Con.

A Nerdist-Con could definitely poach the Walking Dead panels from Comic-Con, as well as any panels for parent company Legendary's films, so…all of Universal's blockbusters. And Hardwick and Doctor Who are tight.

That's a solid core of exclusives. Flip Warner Bros. or Fox and others will want in.

• NotGTAV Trailer

This week, MTV released the trailer for a special I worked on, and white people seem to be taking it well.

From someone who has actually seen the special, such reactions are much ado about nothing.

related:

On Jim Ross' latest podcast, he discussed how keen he was on signing Gail Kim years ago. WWE Chairman Vince McMahon however, took some convincing.

Ross said that McMahon came to him and asked, "You want to hire this Asian girl, right?… I don't know, I just don't know."

Baffled, Ross told him how good she was in the ring and that a lot of guys like Asian women, and noted that there were Asian adult film sites. McMahon, seemingly shocked, responded with, "No?! Get out!"

LIVE ACTION SMURFS AND SELENA IMPERSONATORS.

Ended up staying in Los Angeles for a week longer than planned. Now I only have two weeks to get in shape for my next trip.

RT: ANT-MAN quotes are brilliant out of context.

Ant-Man is set in San Francisco, like seemingly every film this summer. Ant-Man, Terminator Genisys, Inside Out, San Andreas…

"Lift with your legs, not your back."
"You don't think I'm trying to do that? My body just keeps defaulting to my back."

In less than a year, I have moved someone else from New York City to San Francisco, and then from San Francisco to Los Angeles, packing and unpacking all of his stuff by myself.

San Francisco was Murphy's Law run amok.

San Francisco Public Works was improving the street in front of my client's building, so a moving truck could not park in front of the building from 7:00 AM to 6:00 PM on weekdays, and the many movers I called did not work nights. (Moving truck and movers sold separately.)

I secured a permit from the city to park the trailer containing my client's stuff in front of his building on a Friday night, and scheduled movers to move his stuff in on Saturday morning. To prevent stealing overnight, I found a lock that fit the trailer, and someone local to receive the lock and lock the container upon drop-off, as I could not be present. (I could not visit my client's new home until move-in day, and thus could not scout the building/area.)

On Friday night, the driver delivering the trailer informed me that he could not drop it off because the street in front of my client's building is too narrow – the trailer would block traffic.

New plan: With the help of two TaskRabbits, I rent a U-Haul, drive to a freight terminal in Oakland, transfer all of my client's stuff from the trailer in which it sits to the U-Haul, drive to his building in San Francisco, and move his stuff in.

As I arrived at the freight terminal, the TaskRabbits I hired informed me that their car broke down in Sausalito and that they regretfully could not help me.

New plan: I transfer all of my client's stuff from the trailer in which it sits to the U-Haul by myself, and cobble together moving help in San Francisco.

The freight terminal would not release my client's stuff to me. My client had to sign for access in person.

I waited two hours for my client to drive up from Palo Alto. Together, in the dark, we transferred his stuff from the trailer in which it sat to the U-Haul.

My client's building was a walk-up. Six flights of stairs.

The San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency ticketed the U-Haul for obstructing early morning street cleaning.