"Who are you supposed to be?" "I'm a Primanti Bros. sandwich." "Okay…" "Before I arrived, I gorged on pastrami, provolone cheese, french fries, cole slaw, and tomatoes." [pause] "No? [sigh] Maybe if I was Italian… Or covered in stacks of Euros." "Because 'bread' is slang…

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No sooner did I bemoan six months of unsteady employment than I accepted two more short-term gigs – one overseeing gift card sales for a steakhouse chain, and one assisting on the official biography of the woman who co-founded BET. My résumé is a Harold…

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"Have you seen Straight to Hell (1987)?" "No. Why?" "I received a notice for a screening of Straight To Hell Returns, a new version 'featuring enhanced violence and cruelty.'" "Ah." "Look at this fucking cast: Joe Strummer, Courtney Love, The Pogues, Elvis Costello, Dennis Hopper,…

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Today marks six months of unemployment, or rather, unsteady employment. A little mood music: Matt Pryor's voice may be my favourite voice in all of music. I can't explain why, but his flawed, smoked, whiny vocals never fail to gratify me. I should've just stayed…

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Don Johnson accompanies D-Generation X to the ring when co-hosting WWE Raw with Jon "Napoleon Dynamite" Heder. Don Johnson hunts Mexicans with Robert De Niro in Machete. Don Johnson betrays his son Kenny Powers on Eastbound and Down. Don Johnson offers LeBron James advice in…

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