Idea: Show the first 12 minutes of The Dark Knight Rises or the Spider-Man reboot during halftime of next year's Super Bowl.
The problem: People skip ads on television, but television ads fund television shows.
Idea: A permanent advertising ticker at the bottom of every show. You see it live. You see it on demand. You see it on Hulu. You see it on torrents. If warez groups trim the ticker off releases, then switch the location of the ticker at random intervals – bottom, top, bottom, top…maybe in the center during inessential scenes.
I learned that Patton Oswalt is a registered organ donor and imagined receiving his spleen, which led to…
Idea: A surgeon who is obsessed with Wesley Snipes steals his heart and lungs and transplants them to his wife's body. He shags his wife and, unsatisfied, transplants Snipes' heart and lungs to his mother's body. He feeds from his mother's breasts and, still unsatisfied, transplants Snipes' heart and lungs to his own body, performing surgery on himself. His body rejects Snipes' organs. Fin.
which led to…
Idea: A man who is obsessed with the sitcom Friends creates a companion out of its six cast members' body parts – Friendkenstein.
—Then what?
—They…uhh…dance in a fountain.
I'm sure an ad ticker is the future of television. Haven't it jump from bottom to top is infuriating enough – as someone who watches a pretty decent amount of TV, you don't think having a bar across the middle of the screen during "inessential" scenes would be goddamned infuriating? What even constitutes an inessential scene in your average 18 minute-long TV show (after the "real" commercials are factored out)?
Think hour-long shows. Terrible subplots are already infuriating to watch.
Having* not haven't. I don't know how the fuck that haven'ted.
I also used infuriating twice. I'm an idiot.