Adam Riff™

14. Jumanji (Saturday Night Live, S49E16)

Honourable Mention

• CM Punk, Drew McIntyre, Seth Rollins Trade Barbs (WWE Raw, 25 Mar 2024)

Stray Observations

• "No, you didn't have no fucking hunch. Know why? 'Cause your fucking shoulders didn't go up."
  "Your shoulders didn't move."
  "And that mannerism's only good for hunches and shit. See? I had a hunch. You can't use that shit for, 'Fuck you.' Or, you know, 'You cheated on me. You ain't shit. Don't come back here no more.'"
  "It's exclusive to the hunch?"
  "Fuck yeah, it is. You don't use that shit nowhere else." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E09)
• "You're saying that cannibals prefer Black people to White people?"
  "Fuck yeah, they do."
  "I think he's got a point, 'cause Dahmer mostly ate Black people, did he not?"
  "He did. If the motherfucker did, he'd have to add condiments on you motherfuckers."
  "Yeah, you need condiments for white people." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E09)
• "And if Chunhua's gon' be there, then maybe Bruce Springsteen would like a hand job." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E09)
• "He should've said B. If he said B, it's not that far from A."
  "You'd eat in a B?"
  "A B? Yeah, I'd eat at a B."
  "Springsteen eats at a B. I'm shocked." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E09)
• "This became increasingly evident when I was directing Herman's Head." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E09)
• "Did Patricia Heaton get a little handsy? Well, that is a tale for my next book." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E09)
• "Oh, this appears to be occurring." (Shogun, S01E07)
• "Where is the beauty in this?" (Shogun, S01E07)

(X-Men '97, S01E04)

• "Dazzler had a gig, don't ask." (X-Men '97, S01E04)
• Prof. Ock (Invincible, S02E08)
• Fortnite Dragon's Breath Sniper (Invincible, S02E08)
• </Invincible, S02>
• </Tokyo Vice, S02>

Licking a flamethrower (BMF, S03E06)

13. Unrequited Love (Jerrod Carmichael Reality Show, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

• CM Punk, Drew McIntyre, Seth Rollins Trade Barbs (WWE Raw, 25 Mar 2024)

Stray Observations

• "A man may go to war for many reasons – conquest, pride, power. But a woman is simply at war." (Shogun, S01E06)
• "Rogue's really training her stamina with the new boss." (X-Men '97, S01E03)
• "Gambit can never unsee that." (X-Men '97, S01E03)

Looking forward:

12. Nanofibers (3 Body Problem, S01E05)

Honourable Mention

• Dinner (Shogun, S01E05)

Stray Observations

• "Can't get rid of her ass 'cause you got no basis. Getting caught eating pussy is not a basis." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E07)
• "The seat would stink of Christian." (Shogun, S01E05)
• "Heroism is for the dead, and stories are for children." (Shogun, S01E05)
• "There will be no dismembering, Wolverine."
  "Dismembering? Nah. Weight loss." (X-Men '97, S01E01)
• "Give 'em the forecast." (X-Men '97, S01E01)
• "He's here."
  "Who? Apocalypse?"
  "The baby!" (X-Men '97, S01E02)
• "I am trying to be better. Please… Do not make me let you down." (X-Men '97, S01E02)
• "You know what would happen if you made a microchip mop?"
  "Uh, well, I have my theories. I saw Smart House, now." (Abbott Elementary, S03E08)
• ♫: End credits song (BMF, S03E04)
• Cigar Aficionado poster (3 Body Problem, S01E03)
• "It better not have gone through my search history."
  "Well, if we see a girl farting on a birthday cake, we'll know." (3 Body Problem, S01E03)
• "Jet Set Willy" (3 Body Problem, S01E03)
• </3 Body Problem, S01>

11. "I'm Just Ken" (The Oscars, 10 Mar 2024)

Stray Observations

• "I really don't see how you can stand this place."
  "Blur your vision, breathe through your mouth. How else does one get through life?" (The Regime, S01E02)
• "You know who's gonna be a billionaire? Motherfucker who's gonna, uh, create a car that runs on piss. No more time wasted. You're driving across country… You drink water and Gatorades and shit, fucking coffees and shit the whole fucking trip. You pull over, take your dick out, put it in that little hole where the gas goes, and fill that motherfucker up. You're on your merry way. The Peeus." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E06)
• "They grazed your lips with a dick." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E06)
• "Hey, I think you're getting a post-penis bump." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E06)
• "Little jizz. Jizz will knock it out of the park."
  "Warren Buffett never made a business plan having jizz on the face." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E06)
• "You crazy, Bradley." (Abbott Elementary, S03E06)
• "You know, I really admire the commitment to the middle initial, but does anyone know what the 'R' stands for?"
  "Uh, maybe Rashid? No. Probably… Probably Robert." (Abbott Elementary, S03E06)
• "Go help her! Damn! What if she needs to reach a book on the middle shelf?" (Abbott Elementary, S03E06)
• "Let's make sure that he's squeaky clean."
  "He wrote a Medium article…"
  "Oh, no." (Abbott Elementary, S03E06)
• "Tell this milk-dribbling fuck smear I'm ready to go." (Shogun, S01E04)
• "Hey, Mr. Johnson, where'd you get those shoes? Crappos?" (Abbott Elementary, S03E07)
• "Why did she choose to make all the characters Jamaican?"
  "Just let her cook, Gregory." (Abbott Elementary, S03E07)
• "You made my dreams and ambitions seem so ugly when it was all I had. I consisted of my ambitions, you fuck!" (Feud, S02E08)
• </Feud, S02>
• Magnum π poster (Invincible, S02E05)
• Young Tupac Shakur (BMF, S03E03)
• </Masters of the Air, S01>
• The 178 Types of Women spreadsheet (Girls5eva, S03E01)
• Bob Schieffer Face the Nation shirt (Girls5eva, S03E01)
• "I haven't gotten that level of applause since I agreed to leave an airplane." (Girls5eva, S03E01)
• "Just call me 'Ho Spice.' But don't write it down because it looks like 'hospice.'" (Girls5eva, S03E02)
• "It's a damn boob desert!"
  "What is that a play on?"
  "'Food desert.' Keep up, Dawn." (Girls5eva, S03E02)
• "Good gracious, this set list. 'Big P-word Energy'? 'A Gay Anthem by Hospice'?"
  "It's 'Ho Spice.' It should never be written down."
  "Even worse. Girls, this isn't Decatur, Georgia." (Girls5eva, S03E02)
• "I used to do clean Kidz Club versions of N.W.A."
  "♪ Ducks are mean geese coming straight for the campground ♪" (Girls5eva, S03E02)
• "Oh, stop the charadé." (Girls5eva, S03E02)
• ♫: "Is There a Me?" Adele parody (Girls5eva, S03E02)
• "I declare a Footloose!" (Girls5eva, S03E02)
• "Well, when my fragrance, Thrust, was purchased by Terminix, I bought my mother a house." (Girls5eva, S03E03)
• "Oh, no, that's perfect, because I'm about to be a slutting-edge she-E-O." (Girls5eva, S03E03)
• "Wickie's just a real Sebastian Maniscalco." (Girls5eva, S03E03)
• Streamberry (Girls5eva, S03E03)
• "When I was living in L.A., I took a job doing background work on The Goldbergs, rather than go crying to mommy and daddy. Ever walk through a Jeff Garlin fart cloud, Dawn? Well, I would walk through a billion Garlin farts before I ask them for money again." (Girls5eva, S03E03)
• "Gloria, I'm useless. I may as well be food on The Bachelor." (Girls5eva, S03E03)
• "No! I forgot to unsubscribe."
  "That says, 'um, subscribe.'" (Girls5eva, S03E03)
• "I need a Vodka Orbitz, extra weird little balls." (Girls5eva, S03E04)
• "Torque is giving me a massive Home Alone doorknob."
  "A what?"
  "You know in Home Alone? When Kevin heats up that doorknob until it's glowing red-hot? I have that for Torque." (Girls5eva, S03E04)
• "Thought about you being sad and it made me sad. Like Kevin when he missed his family. Even Buzz." (Girls5eva, S03E04)
• Step and Repeat step and repeat (Girls5eva, S03E05)
• "Yes, king! You went there. You should be Bill Burr." (Girls5eva, S03E05)
• ♫: "English Lonely Boy" (Girls5eva, S03E05)
• "Billie Eilish got $25 million for her doc. I can wear sweatshirts and have a brother." (Girls5eva, S03E06)
• "I'm a P.C. baby!"
  "A what?"
  "My mom got pregnant with me with the stuff that comes before sperm." (Girls5eva, S03E06)
• "I added Avatar to maximize searches." (Girls5eva, S03E06)
• </Girls5eva, S03>