Sleep Well Beast

on

On August 8, I received this e-mail:

It links to a screenshot I posted on Adam Riff™ on March 19, 2014 of a spam e-mail that amused me.

I ran Vivek's e-mail by McKern and he sent me a wanking GIF, so I felt okay ignoring it.

But Vivek persisted, leaving – through Labour Day – increasingly agitated comments daily on said March 2014 Adam Riff™ post.

For example:

A First Information Report (FIR) is a written document prepared by police organizations in Bangladesh, India, and Pakistan when they receive information about the commission of a cognisable offence.

If your claims are true, I wondered, shouldn't you be trying to imprison whoever's defaming and abusing your sister? Or whoever sent the e-mail I screenshot?

Mark as spam.

Today, my domain registrar forwarded me this e-mail:

[sigh]

While I am adamant against deleting anything from Adam Riff™'s archive, even puerile stuff from college that could and probably has cost me job opportunities, I fucking can't with Vivek/Agni any longer.

So: I replaced the screenshot in question with one with all contact information blurred out and a stock photo of an Indian girl as its thumbnail.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

37. Ball and Glove (Twin Peaks, S03E17)

Stray Observations

  • "You've gone soft in your old age."
    "Not where it counts, buddy." (Twin Peaks, S03E17)
  • "Catch you…with my death bag." (Twin Peaks, S03E17)
  • "One for the grandkids." (Twin Peaks, S03E17)
  • "It's a good thing we made so many sandwiches." (Twin Peaks, S03E17)
  • "See you at the curtain call." (Twin Peaks, S03E17)
  • Disposing of guns in a deep fryer (Twin Peaks, S03E18)
  • The woman in Laura Palmer's house is played by the woman who owns the house in real life (Twin Peaks, S03E18)
  • Twin Peaks Season Grade: B
  • "I'm-a spray his face with cum eggs." (Insecure, S02E07)
  • Garrett's buttery ranch and caramel crisp popcorn (Insecure, S02E07)
  • "Must've been a sale on denim." (Insecure, S02E07)
  • Más Malo (Insecure, S02E07)
  • "I wasn't staring at it, Cassidy. I was noticing it."
    "Noticing the floor finger without a wonder in the world." (Preacher, S02E12)
  • "That's a pretty far-fetched theory, Cassidy, even for you."
    "I'm telling you, mate. If you watch that movie again, you'll see. Tyler Durden does exist."
    "You're saying the twist to Fight Club is there is no twist?"
    "Exactly."
    "How do you figure that?"
    "Because nobody listens to ugly people, padre. If you're gonna inspire an anti-materialistic organization with worldwide designs on erasing global debt, you gotta look like Brad Pitt."
    "Well, hold on now. I wouldn't exactly call Edward Norton ugly."
    […]
    "…instrumental in 37 covert Dutch ops just this last year alone."
    "Dutch ops?"
    "Oh, yeah!"
    "Well, the Dutch foreskin plant must be booming."
    "Every country doesn't have their own foreskin plant. The Netherlands are the leading consumers in the foreskin market – 10 to 1. They buy so much of the shite. Half goes to waste, so they end up they sneaking the excess into toothpaste and into baby formula. Like how Brad Pitt, how he sells the fat lady soap to rich ladies."
    "You mean Edward Norton?"
    "No, I mean Brad Pitt, because he does exist. Look, the point is, the Netherlands are like a sexy Tyler Durden and someone's gotta stop them."
    "Come on, Cass. That can't be true."
    "Widespread reports – substantiated reports, to be honest."
    "Well, if it makes it taste better, then what's the harm in it?"
    "It's foreskin into baby formula!" (Preacher, S02E12)
  • "Try some of this."
    [coughs]
    "What? Too much Neosporin?" (Preacher, S02E12)
  • Dan Quayle book (Preacher, S02E12)
  • Evan Peters humping his television (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "Oh, go to hell, Huffington Post! Fuck you, Nate Silver!" (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "And who's at 40,000 votes and counting? Jill Stein!" (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "Why is wrong with CNN for not giving us a trigger warning before they announced the results?" (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • Evan Peters with blended cheese puffs on his face (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "There is nothing more dangerous in this world than a humiliated man." (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "When I got into the booth, I couldn't do it. I tried! You know that I did! But as much as I hate him, I didn't trust her!"
    "But Jill Stein?" (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • "Proudest moment of my life is when Lena Dunham retweeted me." (American Horror Story, S07E01)
  • ♫: Esther Holt – "What You Know" (You're the Worst, S04E01)
  • ♫: The Cranberries – "Zombie" (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • "It was just a long con to prank me by someone who I did wrong – probably Jason Mraz for when I called him a fedora-wearing diarrhea." (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • "I could read people like a deck of cards, and you're holding the Q of clovers." (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • ♫: Barenaked Ladies – "One Week" (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • "She Canada-rapped at me." (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • ♫: Caveboy – "Home Is Where" (You're the Worst, S04E02)
  • ♫: Lee Moses – "California Dreaming" (Snowfall, S01E10)
  • Snowfall Season Grade: C
  • "I put all of the death metal CDs on one shelf, from the simple bands like Obituary and Cannibal Corpse on the left, to melodic and technical death in the middle, followed by death/black and grind/death and death cross-overs, and then I put the industrial death, folk death, and barely death at the end. And then, the next shelf was for black metal through the whole Norwegian scene, like Mayhem and Burzum, through the un-black, and then the not-really-black-but-sorta-fits, like Cradle of Filth." (Halt and Catch Fire, S04E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty

#clipoftheweek

Eater's Digest: Chicago 2

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Bon Appétit: "Chicago is the 2017 Restaurant City of the Year."

August 2017
girl and the goat / little goat diner / harold's chicken / irazu / weber's bakery / pequod's pizza / split rail / sultan's market / fat rice / cafecito / arbor / the doughnut vault / the ruin daily / half acre tap room / taco bell / the riot feast / jeni's / city mouse / longman and eagle / wyler road / split rail / orange / frontera grill / giant / bang bang pie and biscuits / fat rice bakery / mi tocaya antojería / emporium arcade bar / emporium popups: the upside down / panes bread cafe / piece brewery and pizzeria / sultan's market / dimo's pizza / wyler road

(Fat Rice) is Macanese cuisine, generally described as Chinese-Portuguese fusion.


Arroz Gordo (Fat Rice)
jasmine rice laced with sofrito, chorizo, and salted duck; topped with curried chicken thighs, char siu pork, linguiça sausage, chilli prawns, steamed clams, chicken fat-fried croutons, and olives; served with mushroom soy and diablo hot sauce

^ The celebratory dish of Macau, reminiscent of paella.

Curry Cabbage (Fat Rice)
turmeric, mustard seed, curry leaf
—Golden kimchi.

Pastel de Nata (Fat Rice)
egg custard, puff pastry, love and secrets
—I don't care for egg tarts, but if you like them, you should seek out (Fat Rice)'s.


Macau Rice Crisp (Fat Rice)
pork floss, nori, fish sauce caramel

^ On its own, it was an unexceptional, savoury-skewing Rice Krispies treat. Dipped in the fish sauce caramel, it was oddly enjoyable.


"The Donettes" (Girl and the Goat)
blue​ cheese caramel, cashew praline ice cream, fresh fig compote

Smoked Pork and Toffee Crunch Shake (Little Goat Diner)
—Sickeningly porky.


Wood Oven Roasted Pig Face (Girl and the Goat)
sunny-side egg, tamarind, cilantro, red wine maple, potato stix


Duck Tongues (Girl and the Goat)
tuna and black bean poke, piri piri

^ Fried tongues and raw fish.

Blueberry Pickled Pepper Corn Bread (Girl and the Goat)
honey butter, cherry relish
—Its accompanying cherry relish [cherries in olive oil and balsamic vinegar?] was bomb.

Blue Corn Bread (Arbor)
coffee butter
—Its accompanying coffee butter was sublime.

Tucked away on the second floor of an office building, the Midwestern Omakase at (Arbor) is a garden-to-table experience at the whim of the kitchen.


Tomato Cobbler (Arbor)

^ Like a Greek salad, but hot.


Feel Good Salad of the Summer
zucchini, squash, tomato, olive oil, feta ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cheese

^ Ecstasy.

(The Riot Feast) is pop-up restaurant with a Riot Fest-inspired tasting menu:

♫
Jon: Oh! MxPx!
Chad: No, it's Less Than Jake.
Jon: Blimey, you're right.


Have Mercy! Cornbread (The Riot Feast)
john stamos butter


Never Mind the Chicken, Here's the Funnel Cakes (The Riot Feast)
chicago-style hot chicken, sport pepper hot sauce, pickles, celery salt, poppy seed funnel cake, destroy

^ A chicken and waffles-inspired play on a Chicago-style hot dog.

♫ "History of a Boring Town"
Jon: Okay, this is Less Than Jake.
Chad: Is it?
Jon: Dude, this was a radio single!
Jon: My problem with this song is that they don't reprise the chorus after the bridge. The chorus is the best part!

Party Hard Potion (The Riot Feast)
shaved ice, orange red bull syrup, sweet comb honey, vanilla
—I ordered this as a drink, not expecting it to be a snowcone – a foul one, spoiled by vanilla.

Mac and Beer Cheese (Wyler Road)
fried sage, buttercrumb
—Bland.

Plain Housemade Chips (Wyler Road)
Spicy Housemade Chips (Wyler Road)
—Addictive, thick potato crisps.

Born on the Bayou Pizza (Dimo's Pizza)
andouille and blackened chicken on top of a seafood gumbo base topped with a creole aioli

Breakfast of Champions Pizza (Dimo's Pizza)
scrambled eggs, chorizo, and home fries on a white sauce base topped with green onions and spicy mayo

^ Interesting, but bland pizzas.

Hot Doug's, and the very idea of it, was a cosmic event. We will never again in our lifetime see a restaurant where devotees stand in line for 12 hours to sample a hot dog. [source]

Hot Doug's Atomic Sausage Pizza (Piece Brewery and Pizzeria)
red pizza with pepper jack cheese, caramelized onions, and hot doug's famous atomic sausage [pork with habaneros, serranos, and jalapeños]

^ Tasty, but for its price, should feature more sausage.

Slagel Burger (Longman and Eagle)
widmer's cheddar, bacon, beef fat fries
—A no-frills burger served with a heap of fries.

Slagel Meatballs (Longman and Eagle)
polenta, smoked potato
—A weird appetizer. Meatballs in a bowl of polenta?


Hibiscus Churro (Longman and Eagle)
lime curd, micro cilantro, brûléed goat's milk rice pudding, cajeta, hibiscus and goat's milk ice cream, pepitas

^ A weird, savoury-skewing dessert. The churros are red-violet inside.


Peanut Butter y Lengua (Mi Tocaya Antojería)

^ Peanut-chile sauce and braised beef tongue. I couldn't really discern peanut butter.


Fideos Secos (Mi Tocaya Antojería)
cauliflower, chintextle

^ Bewilderingly unpalatable.

Campechano Taco (Mi Tocaya Antojería)
cochinita, chorizo, carne asada
—Three of my favourite meats in one.

Chucho's Pollo Taco (Mi Tocaya Antojería)
smoked beer can chicken, xoconostle

BBQ Brisket Burrito (Half Acre Tap Room)
smoked beef brisket, buttermilk biscuit, arugula, cheddar and jack cheeses, fried onions
—The crumbled biscuit inside didn't add anything.

(Irazu) is Costa Rican cuisine.

Casado (Irazu)
tender skirt steak; succulent chicken breast, seasonal mixed veggies, grandma's gallo pinto [traditional rice and beans combo], caramelized plantains
—This steak was fucking delicious.


Fajitas, Reimagined (Split Rail)
charred prime sirloin, creamy masa, fajita flavours

^ Masa approaching a Cream of Wheat texture forms a [tortilla] canvas for dollops of pureed onion, avocado, and red pepper and a fan of seared sirloin slices draped with pickled jalapeño.

An admirable, if unsuccessful, play on fajitas. Dug the char on the sirloin, though.


Loaded Baked Potato Gnocchi (Split Rail)
house bacon, sour cream, hook's five year cheddar, crispy potato skins

^ This re-imagining of a loaded baked potato, however, is a winner.


Aunt T's Pretzel Surprise (Split Rail)
whipped topping, strawberry-orange jell-o, salted pretzel

^ I dreaded trying this, but it is scrumptious.

Its strata:
more pretzel + some more whipped cream
jell-o
most whipped cream [not pictured]
pretzel [not pictured]


Banana Split Torte (Weber's Bakery)
a layer of banana cake, banana custard, fresh bananas, whipped cream, a layer of chocolate cake, fresh strawberries, another layer of banana cake, more whipped cream

^ Also known as "Atomic Cake."

The Atomic Cake has been the centerpiece of choice at birthday celebrations and other rites of passage, from first to last, for generations of Chicagoans on the South Side. [source]


Frushi (Orange)

^ Fresh fruit and sweet rice.

(Orange) also offers a themed Pancake Flight of four stacks of silver dollar pancakes. Themes change weekly. I wonder if I just drew a mediocre theme: Smoothies.

^
1. Pineapple-Mango (Orange)
pancakes with diced pineapple, mango yogurt, whipped cream, and fresh mint

2. Wildberry (Orange)
pancakes with raspberry sauce, blueberry yogurt, and fresh blackberries

3. Chocolate-Banana (Orange)
chocolate chip pancakes topped with banana-yogurt whipped cream, lightly drizzled with chocolate sauce

4. Almond-Plums (Orange)
pancakes with cooked plums topped with almond cream sauce, whipped cream, and toasted almonds

The Upside Down is a Stranger Things pop-up bar.


(Emporium Popups)

(Giant) is "the sixth best new restaurant in America."

A Little Biscuit (Giant)
jalapeño butter
—Damn good biscuit.


Thai Chili Sweet Corn (Giant)
tiny shrimp and peanuts

^ A crackin' corn dish.


Jonah Crab Salad (Giant)
waffle fries, cocktail sauce

^ Pleasantly light and fresh.


Pici, with Chew (Giant)
jalapeño and bacon

^ Unusual, fat, chewy spaghetti.

Black and White Babka (Giant)
banana ice cream, peaches and blackberries

ORTS

Chocolate Pecan Pie (Frontera Grill)
with kahlúa whipped cream

Guava and Cheese Pastry (Cafecito)

Cubano (Cafecito)
roasted pork, ham, swiss, pickles, mustard
—"The best Cuban sandwich in Chicago."


Gym Shoe Sandwich (The Ruin Daily)
sliced lamb, corned beef, roast beef, tzatziki mayo, giardiniera, shredded lettuce, italian baguette

Gas Station Sandwich (City Mouse)
hash brown, egg, cheese, grape jelly, sausage, michigan-grown fruit
—The Michigan-grown fruit is its side, not part of the sandwich.

Mocha Coconut Crunch Old Fashioned Doughnut (The Doughnut Vault)
Apple Fritter (The Doughnut Vault)

Sweet Cream Biscuits and Peach Jam Ice Cream (Jeni's)
Mocha Black Cherry Ice Cream (Jeni's)

MISSED CONNECTIONS


Hot Dog Bun Chicago-Style (Fat Rice Bakery)
vienna beef, classic fixin's

^ Alas, the hot dog buns available when I visited were not Chicago-style.

—

(Kimski) is dubious Korean-Polish fusion.


Maria's Standard (Kimski)
house recipe, soju mustard, buns from spoken bird in pilsen, kraut chi made with co-op, scallions, sesame seeds, and side of fries


Mizeria Chap Chae (Kimski)
sweet potato starch noodles dressed in a salted cucumber sour cream salad with dill, lemon zest, scallions, sesame seeds, micros

—


Phozole (Spotted Monkey)
beef-based pho broth cooked with star anise, cinnamon, and cloves and infused with a mix of mexican mild chilies; served with rice noodles and garnished with bean sprouts, cilantro, and basil; pork or chicken

(Saucy Porka) and its sister restaurant (Spotted Monkey) are Latin-Asian fusion.

Asian Style Paella (Saucy Porka)
served with chinese lap chang pork sausage, spicy sausage, pork carnitas, edamame, bean sprouts, scallions

Ropa Vieja Banh Mi (Spotted Monkey)
shredded beef marinated in orange juice with ancho and pasilla chilies served in french baguette and topped with kimchi and mayo

Guatemalan Donuts "Rellenitos" (Spotted Monkey)
filled with asian red beans

—

Pineapple Pork Fried Rice Burrito (Half Acre Tap Room)
roasted pork loin, fried rice, peppers, scallions, broccolini, grilled pineapple salsa, ginger, cilantro

Kimchi and Oaxaca Empanadas (Mott Street)
masa shell served with chimichurri crème fraîche


(Taco in a Bag)

Everything Wings (Mott Street)
crispy wings glazed with soy, jaggery, and dried chilis; tossed with sesame, poppy seed, fried shallots, and served with tzatziki

Pastrami-Spiced Carrots (The Kennison)
kraut, beets, horseradish, caraway


Bread (Mott Street)
potato and onion bread, leek-curry butter, soft baked egg

Guava-Q Sandwich (Cafecito)
roasted pork or chicken, caramelized onions, guava bbq sauce, jicama slaw

All-Day Breakfast Sandwich (Wyler Road)
pork belly, egg, hook's cheddar, persimmon salsa, chicharrón, brioche

Peach Chutney Broccoli (Giant)
with pine nut and crescenza cheese


Bowl of Awesome (Mott Street)
chlorophyll, yogurt, raw honey, bee pollen, hemp seeds, sprouted buckwheat, amaranth


(Protein Bar)

Oatmeal Shake (Irazu)

Japanese Whiskey-Glazed Doughnut (Kitsune)

Bacon Tempura (Twisted Spoke)
deep-fried bacon in tempura batter with ponzu sauce for dipping

Fried Pig's Tail (Cellar Door Provisions)
cucumber, yogurt, barbecue sauce
—For breakfast!

Fried Chicken and Churros (Mi Tocaya Antojería)
—Only available on Sundays.


Deep Fried Oreos (Lowcountry)

^ Battered in Rice Krispies.


French Fries and Ice Cream (EL Ideas)
potato, leek, vanilla


Vanilla Cajeta Ice Cream (Giant)
strawberry and pecan

^ A play on Good Humor Strawberry Shortcake dessert bars.

Cupcake Pancakes (Southport Grocery and Cafe)
cupcake batter poured on the griddle, served with vanilla butter and local pure maple syrup

Bread Pudding Pancakes (Southport Grocery and Cafe)
pancakes made of gooey bread pudding topped with cinnamon-sugar butter and vanilla anglaise


Duck Egg and Crème Fraîche Semifreddo (Longman and Eagle)
sorrel/basil sponge cake, wild rice brittle, sorbet

—

Twin Peaks Dinner (Elizabeth)
—[sigh] I'm flagellating myself for not knowing about these, and that I could have attended one whilst in town.


Twigs (Elizabeth)

^
A twist on bread service, malted "twigs" incorporated their signature foraged ingredients—this actually included a paste made from ants. [source]


Build a Salad (Elizabeth)

^
"Laura's Diary" had a beautiful presentation, served inside a hollowed out book with beet juice inside a syringe, an edible orchid, and a tiny bag of lemongrass powder meant to simulate cocaine. [source]


Coconut, Clam, Jicama Salad (Elizabeth)


Coffee Ice Cream? (Elizabeth)

#eatersdigest

I don't mind the sun sometimes, the images it shows

on

1

// Las Vegas, NV

I never wanted to know my Uber passenger rating.

You used to have to dig for it, and, as such, I didn't, but I press the hamburger icon on the home screen and—

Jonathan Yu
4.82

4.82? 4.82.

Why did some drivers not rate me five stars? I wonder. I'm an uneventful passenger.

Is it for not conversing?

Is it because of cancelled rides? If so, how dare they penalize me for their incompetence!

—

Over my weekend in Vegas, my Uber passenger rating drops from 4.82 to 4.77, and I cannot for the life of me figure out why.

Is it because I only tipped that driver 15%?

I go back and add to her tip so it becomes 20% of the fare.

Did I tip everyone else 20%?

[checks receipts]

Yes.

The fuck?!?!

2

// Chicago, IL

A 52-year-old black man picks me up at O'Hare.

He sees that my destination is a bakery west of Midway.

Uber Driver: That's almost the hood!

—

We stop for a train to cross.

Me: Jeesh, how long is this train?

—

Uber Driver: Shit!
Me: What happened?
Uber Driver: A camera caught me running a red light.
Me: Well, you can dispute it. We were already in the intersection.
Uber Driver: I know. That's why I looked directly at the camera.

My driver pulls down his sun visor to reveal another camera ticket.

Uber Driver: I still have to pay this one.

—

We stop for another train to cross.

My driver puts his car in park and steps out into a left turn lane to smoke a cigarette.

Five stars. 20% tip.

3

// Las Vegas, NV

A bearded, 20-something white dude in a camouflage racing cap picks me up. He is listening to country music in his car. I peg him as a Baked Alaska type, but then notice a tunnel in his right ear lobe and a rubber Star Wars bracelet on his right wrist.

A few minutes in to the ride, he switches from country music to Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You," and percusses along on the steering wheel. Whitney is followed by more female R&B.

4

// Chicago, IL

A 20-something Latino dude picks me up.

As I buckle up, he switches the audio playing in his car from hip hop to a radio broadcast of a Cubs game.

"You could have just left it on the hip hop station," I want to say. "I like hip hop…"

Maybe he wanted to listen to the Cubs game, though?

5

// Las Vegas, NV

Michelle and I sit down in the back row of our UberXL.

My butt feels peculiar.

Is this seat…?

Michelle freaks the fuck out—

Michelle: The seat is wet! The seat is wet!!! THE SEAT IS WET!!!!!!

—reacting as if Jason Voorhees is pursuing her.

"If it was bodily fluids, we would have smelled it," I want to tell her.

The previous passengers had come from a pool.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


36. Televised Murder (WWE Raw, 08-28-17)

Stray Observations

  • ♫: Eddie Vedder (Twin Peaks, S03E16)
  • ♫: "Audrey's Dance" in reverse (Twin Peaks, S03E16)
  • Theon invulnerable to a crotch kick (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • Snowfall (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • "What happened to you beyond the Wall?"
    "I became the Three-Eyed Raven."
    "Oh! [pause] I don't know what that means." (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • "You saw this in a vision?"
    [Bran holds up scroll]
    "Oh." (Game of Thrones, S07E07)
  • Game of Thrones Season Grade: B-
  • West Boast shirt (Insecure, S02E06)
  • ♫: HERO – "The Juice" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • ♫: NAO – "Feels Like" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • "Uh, Issa?"
    [Issa nods]
    "Issa carpool!" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • "Hey, can you change it to a black station?" (Insecure, S02E06)
  • "Hey, Rick, are you familiar with 'ben wa' technology?" (Rick and Morty, S03E06)
  • ♫: Chaos Chaos – TerryFold [feat. Justin Roiland] (Rick and Morty, S03E06)
  • "I hear Vancouver's great, you know? It's got good meth and nice hiking." (Preacher, S02E11)
  • "She like the new Jeff." (MasterChef, S08E14)
  • "I've seen more appetizing diapers." (MasterChef, S08E14)
  • "I've been meaning to get this."
    "It's a book a dog wrote." (The Tick, S01E04)
  • "Arthur, this man is having an argument with his boat."
    "Excuse me, blue person. I'm not his boat. We just live together." (The Tick, S01E05)
  • "Alexa, play ominous music" (The Tick, S01E06)
  • The Tick Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Rick and Morty

#clipoftheweek

They pulled your teeth 'til you smiled and agreed

on

// Chicago, IL

Yosi: I'll meet you all at Fat Rice tonight. I have to speak at an event beforehand as a favour to an alderman friend of mine.
Jon: You're friends with an alderman? You should invite him or her to dinner with us.
Yosi: Will do.

Yosi enters the restaurant alone.

Jon: Where's the alderman?
Yosi: He's coming. He lives nearby.

A dapper Latino bloke enters the restaurant.

He's the alderman?!

Jon: How old are you?
Carlos: 28.
Jon: And you represent Logan Square?
Carlos: Yup.

The next day, who do I see on the cover of the Chicago Reader but Yosi's alderman friend:

Had I known that the new face of socialism would be joining us for dinner, I would have requested jamón ibérico.