Adam Riff™

29. Hello Dolly (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)

Honourable Mention

• Bank Robbery (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E05)

Stray Observations

(The Righteous Gemstones, S03E05)

• "I DDT'd that dude from the top rope. Yeah, it was, like, Undertaker level." (Secret Invasion, S01E04)
• "Now, why don't you hobble your ancient ass on out of here before I have you defenestrated?" (Secret Invasion, S01E04)
• "She was wonderful. Very chill. Yeah. Let me get you her website. Oh, God. She's dead. Wow, 'Natural causes.'"
  "Oh, very chill. Like, literally chill." (Platonic, S01E10)
• "You're gonna create so many drinks I won't like."
  "I'll make one just for you. I'll call it the Sylvia. It'll be Riesling with apple juice, a Sun Chip rim, served in a full-size toddler's car seat." (Platonic, S01E10)
• ♫: Bleachers – "Hate That You Know Me" (Platonic, S01E10)
• </Platonic, S01>
• "It's a co-ed tournament."
  "So you'll be competing against men?"
  "Vaginas and penises together again." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E07)
• "I summon the very fact that I am a man!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E07)
• "I just fear that the hypnosis is making the borough dumber and dumber."
  "We live in Staten Island. Nobody will notice." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)
• "No, I really don't think it's about his birthday. And if it is, what a bitch." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)
• "How about we set you two up with some pro-sexy? It's a fun way of saying 'prosecco.'" (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)
• "I can't get something out of my mind that that little pipsqueak Gizmo said about not being around forever."
  "I mean, he could mean that he's gonna die soon. That's something that, uh, humans do."
  "All the time."
  "Or he could get his old job at Panera Bread back. That's another thing all humans do at some point." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)
• "Could you imagine Grahame as a vampire?"
  "He would be just a little bat with diarrhea, like…"
  "Flying and then… [blows raspberry]"
  "Why do I always shit in your scenarios?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E01)
• "It's got an ass-load of terroir." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E02)
• "So much cheap crap and old fish. It's like looking out the window of my childhood home." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E02)
• "I think I'll just have the tak…tak…"
  "Tzat…"
  "Tak…"
  "Tzatziki."
  "I'll get it. Tack…"
  "Tzat…"
  "Tacky tacky. Uh, but without the, uh, yogurt." (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E02)
• Matt Berry's pronunciation of "chilaquiles" (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E02)
• ♫: Jank Sinatra – "Hey! [I'm Dead]" (What We Do in the Shadows, S05E02)

28. Daymond John (The Eric Andre Show, S06E10)

Honourable Mention

• Rico Nasty (The Eric Andre Show, S06E09)
• Sailor Moon transformation (My Adventures with Superman, S01E02)

Stray Observations

• "Are you sure I can't suggest something a little bit more fun?"
  "No, it's 1:00 in the afternoon. Water is very fun." (The Idol, S01E05)
• "Chaim, I mean, she's talented, but so was the fuckin' banjo boy in Deliverance." (The Idol, S01E05)
• "Scarface Miyagi over here found them?" (The Idol, S01E05)
• </The Idol, S01>
• "Hiya. I'll be today's leader for this ice cream and wiener party." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• "I hate to think I'm responsible for your A-hole burning, brother." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• "Whoa. Is that your caca?"
  "He's my childhood pet, Rags."
  "Is Rags an explosive diarrhea that you named?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• "Ew, somebody sent me a dick pic. I better text this guy back, let him know he's got the wrong recipient."
  "No, BJ! Just block it."
  "Yeah, but some lucky gal's missin' out on that glorious cock shot." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• "Mmm, this brie is the fucking tits." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• "I was just doing what I thought you're supposed to do when you're a rock star. I thought, 'Hey, man, people want to fall in love with me, suck my dick? So be it.' It turns out I'm not Daniel Lee Rothson." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E04)
• </The Eric Andre Show, S06>
• "He needs to pay for this. Jewelry?"
  "Yeah? Is dry humping worth jewelry?"
  "Sounds like purse-level." (Platonic, S01E09)
• "Can you not see that we are virtually creating a meal with a pair of disembodied Caucasian hands?" (Platonic, S01E09)
• "I would not like my partner out there dry humping motherfuckers."
  "It kinda feels worse."
  "'Cause it's weirder."
  "It is. And it would make sense from Charlie, because he's, like, this handsome guy, and he's super nice. No one's like that."
  "It's true. He seems like the deprivation of wetness would kinda get him off." (Platonic, S01E09)
• Frank drinking fountain water out of a paper food boat (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E06)
• "And it's also good for the girls because then they know what they're supposed to look like."
  "It's aspirational." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E06)
• "But you're telling me I can't say a duck is retarded?"
  "Yes."
  "No? What do you mean? Suppose he walked up here, and his feet were on backwards and his beak was on the inside of his head, what, then I could call him retarded?"
  "Well, no. Then you're dealing with a mutant duck, and that's not funny." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E06)
• "These are not the boobs I saw, dude, these are not them."
  "This is so disturbing. They-they took her tits off. They literally sanded 'em off!"
  "They mutilated this poor woman."
  "That is disgusting. Goddamn libs."
  "Oh, my God."
  "Unbelievable."
  "And this could be the religious conservatives, too. You know, y-you don't know."
  "That's true."
  "Which kind of—"
  "Lopping tits off feels like a, feels like a religious move." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E06)

27. The Tedros Method (The Idol, S01E04)

Honourable Mention

• Tom Hanks' niece (Claim to Fame, S02E01)
• Ah Sahm vs. Long Zii fight (Warrior, S03E01)

Stray Observations

• "How the fuck did she let this guy in?"
  "I have no fuckin' clue. I thought she only fucked white boys." (The Idol, S01E04)
• ♫: Deftones – "My Own Summer [Shove It]" (The Idol, S01E04)
• "I don't know what you think Jesse told you, but my conscience is clean, chick." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)

(The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)

• "No, there ain't gonna be no fight. There's just gonna be a 187." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)
• "Heimlich his ass!"
  "Lick his what?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)
• "Chuck, I was so scared. I couldn't breathe."
  "That's why we're always saying, 'Chew your food.'" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)
• "Can we get some waffles after we get some ass?" (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)
• "I smelled the meat that came out of your cousin." (The Righteous Gemstones, S03E03)
• "I've been feeding him donuts. This is, like, their natural diet." (The Eric Andre Show, S06E07)
• "This is the woman that introduced us. Her name is Ghislaine. She's a little bit eccentric." (The Eric Andre Show, S06E08)
• "I think your mic, I think your mic is feeding back. It's a metal thing. You have any metal in your outfit?"
  "No."
  "I think, if you eat fish, that sometimes does it." (The Eric Andre Show, S06E08)
• "If Slovakia rolls its eyes at me one more time, I'm gonna put on the suit and carpet bomb it." (Secret Invasion, S01E02)
• "The reason we wrestled this power from mediocre men who don't look like us was not simply to turn around and hand it to mediocre men who do." (Secret Invasion, S01E02)
• "I'm Nick Fury. Even when I'm out, I'm in." (Secret Invasion, S01E02)
• "Who are you?"
  "I'm above your pay grade." (Secret Invasion, S01E02)
• "What's their name?"
  "I can't, please. Gravik will kill me."
  "I'm terribly sorry, but if I don't get a name, Gravik won't get the chance to kill you." (Secret Invasion, S01E02)
• "Why is the Slopp's logo a raccoon wearing a monocle, coming out of a trash can, holding a sloppy joe?"
  "Focus groups really thought that imagery stayed with people."
  "Man, that lobster's shredded. Look at the pecs." (Platonic, S01E08)
• "Get your phones, everybody." (Platonic, S01E08)
• "He was not frightened. He sounded very calm and relaxed."
  "That's how they sound."
  "Pilots?"
  "British people. Zero emotion. Tells us nothing." (Hijack, S01E02)
• Thinking Aaron Paul is Malcolm in the middle (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E05)
• "What's this?"
  "Oh, that's an old can of oysters from another flight."
  "A can of oysters?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E05)
• "Don't pitch Gritty!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E05)
• "That can is from a shellfish company I started with Tony Danza back in the '80s."
  "Tony's Oysters in a Can-za?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E05)
• "So, I ask you…bitch…who is really in charge here?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S16E05)
• "Whoa, he's been Australian this whole time? No wonder he books." (The Other Two, S03E10)
• "Fuck, all my fans are now posting angry videos about me on Instagram."
  "And all my fans are trying to but don't know how."
  "Shit. We lost another one. 'We at Big Lots were sickened to learn…'"
  "Oh, shut up, Big Lots. You sell piss and shit."
  "Fuck! I also just got an email from iTunes."
  "What?"
  "A new episode of Potomac is ready for download. Oh. Okay. So that'll be nice after all this." (The Other Two, S03E10)
• "And I searched everything I would type into an e-mail to a publicist. 'Sorry to bug, girl.' 'Not to be annoying, but…'"
  "I don't email like that, B. I just write, 'Hi, Sharon,' then succinctly ask for what I want."
  "Oh, to be a straight man." (The Other Two, S03E10)
• </The Other Two, S03>

Looking forward: