Adam Riff™

New Carrollton, MD

Ahh… The D.M.V., site of the infamous Jonathan Yu 40 Chicken McNugget Challenge. And Washington, D.C., where I lost my Chipotle virginity in 2002.

Chipotle's Asian-concept pilot restaurant is located in D.C. Hmm…

Rosslyn, VA

Jeesh. This Metro station escalator is like the infinite stairs in Super Mario 64.

Stallone running up this escalator.

City planners managed to align the Lincoln Memorial, Washington Monument, and Capitol, but couldn't figure out how to put a Metro station in Georgetown?

This bourbon chocolate pecan pie better be worth the trek.

Columbia Heights, D.C.

Green bags everywhere. Did D.C. ban plastic bags? No… That man has two plastic bags.

Old man, look at your life, pooping in a Giant supermarket restroom.

Huh. No paper bags in this supermarket. Did D.C. ban paper bags? Why would you ban paper bags and not plastic ones?

Bakeshop – Arlington, VA

Dónde está los interesting cupcake flavours? Aquí. 7-Up. And Nerds candy?

The Nerds cupcake was disappointingly just a vanilla cupcake with Nerds mixed in.

Eastern Market, D.C.

Cherry blossoms are the Lil' Sebastian of D.C.

I'm surprised that bikeshare is viable in a winter weather city.

Animal Collective – Jiffy Lube Live.

Freddy's BBQ Joint – D.C.

I could eat two racks of his ribs.

Dangerously Delicious Pies – D.C.

Oh, they sell a chocolate pecan pie too.

Jon: Can I get a slice of the chocolate pecan pie, the blueberry pancake batter pie, and the Baltimore Bomb pie? Thanks.

H Street NE reminds me of Michigan Ave. in Detroit.

Jon: Where should I eat in D.C.?

Tayler: Top Chef Spike's burger place. Toasted marshmallow milkshake!
McKern: JT says ramen at toki underground
Wilcox: good stuff burgers? TokiUnderground? (Sp?)

[pause]

I feel like I'm being punked.

Toki Underground – D.C.

The queue was formidable.

Host: Party of two? Your wait time will be an hour forty-five to two hours.

And that's for people who arrived before the place opened.

Jon: Just one.
Host: Oh I can seat you immediately.

One is the luckiest number that you'll ever do?

Whenever I order a bowl of ramen at a restaurant, I always wish it contained more noodles and less broth.

In college, I would eat Maruchan Instant Lunch ramen three cups at a time. Pour boiling water into three cups, empty the cups in a large strainer, empty the strainer in a large bowl, and enjoy. No soup.

Mike Kelly: So you prefer mazeman (dry ramen).
Jon: …Yes.

Toki's restroom sink is unique.

H Street – D.C.

Good Stuff Eatery – D.C.

I can't seem to distinguish between a good gourmet burger and a bad one. They all taste acceptable to me.

Dug the pretzel-y fries. Dipping sauces: Old Bay mayo was tangier than I expected, sriracha mayo was sriracha mayo, and mango mayo wasn't mango-y enough.

As for the toasted marshmallow milkshake, well, it tasted like toasted marshmallows. I could only finish a third of it, though, as I don't fancy milkshakes.

If you ever want to extract information from me, force-feed me ramen milkshakes.

Good Stuff Eatery's milkshake of the month was a Samoa cookie shake.

Capitol Hill, D.C.

Oh. It's called Capitol Hill because it's a hill.

{ You've toured D.C. before, Jon. Twice, in fact. }

I know, but it's been awhile.

It's been awhile, since I could, hold my head up high…

I'm on the outside, I'm looking in, I can see through you…

The Capitol has a reflecting pool too?

{ [pause] }

Narcissistic architecture…by The Mars Volta. No, At the Drive-In. No, Mars Volta.

Union Station – D.C.

Chocolate pecan, pancake batter… [searches Google for images of "Baltimore Bomb pie"] Goddammit! She gave me a chocolate pie instead of Baltimore Bomb – chocolate chess, I think. [smacks lips] Salty chocolate…

Hmmph.

Q2 goal: Obtain a slice of Baltimore Bomb pie and/or a package of Berger cookies.

#eatersdigest