Nosotros Somos Jovenes

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Blog-wise, I'm envisioning writing a 2,000-word (maybe a little shorter or longer) on Beyonce the performer.

She is a barrier-breaking businesswoman, like Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook. (While Sandberg tells women to "Lean In" in her new book, Beyoncé idealistically tells them that they can "run the world.")

[pause]

// editing my buddy's post on Beyoncé //

The woman has got swag.

—Gag.
—You're not the audience for this, Jon.
—And you're 31 years old. That reads like a cool dad wrote it.

There was no turning back after Old Dirty Dog rapped "Me and Mariah go back like babies and pacifiers" in the remix of "Fantasy."

—Old Dirty Dog? Any relation to Puff Diddy, or Slim Mathers?
—Oh shut up.
—Teat Chains the Second?

—How can you say that? Particularly when you've never seen a Super Bowl halftime show before.

Beyoncé, arguably the best performer of her generation, male or female, will deliver the most memorable Super Bowl halftime show we are likely to see in our lifetimes. That's not an exaggeration.

Prince is still the gold standard. Dewey defeats Nelson.

For next year's Super Bowl halftime show, I nominate a live performance of Manchester Orchestra and O'Brother's 14-minute cover of "Don't Speak" by No Doubt.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

5. School Shooting (Utopia, S01E03)

Honourable Mention

  • Nick and Jess finally kiss (New Girl, S02E15)
  • Trojan horse (Happy Endings, S03E13)
  • Timochev mission / Fleetwood Mac – "Tusk" (The Americans, S01E01)
  • Disposing Timochev and reconciling / Phil Collins – "In the Air Tonight" (The Americans, S01E01)

Stray Observations

  • "It's a girl! No, it's a boy…" (Bob's Burgers, S03E12)
  • Last week: "Sweet Dreams" by Marilyn Manson. This week: "Change [in the House of Flies]" by Deftones and "Angel [Massive Attack cover]" by Sepultura. Flashbacks to adolescence (The Following, S01E02)
  • "We have 42 seconds before they can put a trace on you."
    "Wilson, how do you know that?"
    "…Saw it on Spooks." (Utopia, S01E03)
  • "We are just prawns in his game – little shrimp, swimming around, waiting to be eaten by a big shark named Max." (Happy Endings, S03E12)
  • Usual Suspects homage. "I'm not as dumb as I am." (Happy Endings, S03E12)
  • 9:00 PM – a group of people chant "kiss" on New Girl. 9:30 PM – a group of people chant "kiss" on Happy Endings (Happy Endings, S03E13)
  • That was it for Joe Mazzello? (Justified, S04E04)
  • "Bitches, chill." (Justified, S04E04)
  • "And in closing, kugel." (Suburgatory, S02E11)
  • "They don't have to be regular Americans. They can be socialists." (The Americans, S01E01)
  • Ah, the ol' barbecue fork groin stab (The Americans, S01E01)


Marketing at Hollywood and Highland

  • Who is this actor playing Travis? Richard Dreyfuss? No… […] That's Daniel Stern?! (Workaholics, S03E13)
  • "My favorite meal is butt salad with extra butt."
    "No, I don't like butt salad. My favourite salad is, is Asian salad."
    "Asian salad is good…"
    "Buttdorf!" (Workaholics, S03E13)
  • Black Eyed Peas spoof (Kroll Show, S01E03)
  • "Cut the BS!"
    "But I promised Barbra Streisand I'd never stab her again!" (30 Rock, S07E13)
  • "The insurer's allure for valour were pure Kari Wuhrer." (30 Rock, S07E13)
  • Dwight's friends: Ken Tremendous, Eric Wareheim, James Urbaniak, Chris Gethard, Badger on Breaking Bad (The Office, S09E13)
  • A Nelly vs. J. Geils Band mash-up? (Glee, S04E12)
  • Ron Cadillac is voiced by Jessica Walter's real-life husband (Archer, S04E03)
  • "Call me if you ever want to test drive the new Coupe de Ville."
    "Well, actually, I just got a new El Camino."
    "Oh, so you're all set. That'll hold way more Hispanics and lawnmowers." (Archer, S04E03)
  • "If you're driving in a car, the gray-tufted warbler is the one that's cutting you off while fingering your mother, and it's in blackface." (Newsreaders, S01E03)
  • "If the gray-tufted warbler is my older brother Tom, he's, like, holding you underwater in the swimming pool, and he brings you up in just enough time to get a breath, your mouth is open, and he spits in your mouth, then he puts you back under, and then when you come back up, he says, 'Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father!,' and then he sticks you underwater, and as you're underwater, your heart has been broken by someone that you thought you loved and trusted, and when you come back up…"
    "That's the gray-tufted warbler."
    "Yeah, that would be a gray-tufted warbler, all right." (Newsreaders, S01E03)
  • "Latino voter." (Newsreaders, S01E03)
  • "Skateboarding is sort of the golf of Portland." (Portlandia, S03E07)
  • "You airport is, like, only… It's 20 minutes to and from. That's not how cities are." (Portlandia, S03E07)

#clipoftheweek

We are Sir David of Brent

on

Previously on Adam Riff™ (July 30, 2001):
The first thing you notice about Philadelphia is the smell. The city has a distinct smell, like Chinatown, any Chinatown. Think pungent fish.

That post is mortifying to read nowadays.

Anyhow, seeing as how I'm stuck on the east coast, might as well further explore its foreign lands.

If I had planned better, I could have competed in Friday's Wing Bowl, but a 12-hour restaurant crawl will suffice.

My body is ready.

Detox

on

Oh, somewhere in this favoured land the sun is shining bright
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout
But there is no Ke$ha in Riffville – DJ Cohen has struck out.

Alas, the boys at Rad Deth (and Alex Smithee) created this wonderful cover for naught:

Unlesssss…someone else named Ben wants to compile a 2012 year-end mix. AnyBenny?

For some time now, I've been developing a Super Bowl halftime show for Kanye West in my head. One version featured a Dropout Bear hologram performing the first verse of "All of the Lights" before shoop da whoop-ing into thin air.

The current version:

Concept: Michael Jackson's videography.

As Super Bowl halftime show stage design can't involve a background, the stage is a gigantic rectangular LED display. The LED display is the stage. Participants perform (stand) on the LED display.

1. "Power"
MJ video inspiration: "Remember the Time"

LED display video – Iman to Eddie Murphy: Can my pharaoh find some way to entertain his queen?

A man in a hooded robe walks on stage. Song begins. Kanye disrobes. He's dressed like Michael in the "Remember the Time" video and supported by women who are dressed Egyptian-y. "I'm living in the 21st century…"

2. "Stronger"
MJ video inspiration: "Scream"

Already wearing black pants, Kanye quickly throws off the chain mail and skirt he's wearing, and throws on a black shirt before his first verse begins (30 seconds). He performs with white/grayscale futuristic video graphics underneath him.


overhead shot of Kanye briefly lying on stage

3. "No Church in the Wild" (sans Jay-Z verse)
MJ video inspiration: "Smooth Criminal" / "Billie Jean"

"Stronger" segues into "No Church in the Wild." Kanye exits the stage to change. Frank Ocean performs the chorus and his verse dressed in a white suit and fedora. He anti-gravity leans during the decrescendo in his verse ("Your love is my scripture").

Kanye returns for his verse dressed as Michael in the "Billie Jean" video. The LED display lights up as he moves like the "Billie Jean" sidewalk.

4. "Niggas in Paris"
MJ video inspiration: "Thriller" / "Bad" / "Black or White"

Kanye exits the stage to change. Jay-Z performs his verse wearing a red "Thriller" jacket, supported by a drumline made up as zombies. Kanye returns at the first chorus wearing a "Bad" jacket, supported by a second drumline dressed as gang members.

"I'm definitely in my zone zone zone…" The show concludes with Kanye morphing into a black panther on the LED display and sauntering into a dark alley.

Bqhatevwr and Evwr Amen

on

WELP, looks like I'm stuck in New York City by myself for the most part through spring. [grumbling] Anyone need a pub quiz team member?

WrestleMania is in NY/NJ this year. Wrestlemania XXIX will be the fourth WrestleMania during which I just happen to be in the area (WM XIX in Seattle, WM 21 in Los Angeles, WM 22 in Chicago).

Mystery, the pick-up artist, dresses up as Nancy Drew.

"What are you supposed to be?"
"I'm a Nancy Drew Mystery!"

Mystery, the pick-up artist, covers himself in toasted meringue.

"I'm Mystery Alaska!"


Shame that The Undertaker can't appear in this.

Things that have fought zombies, according to IMDb:
Cockneys
Abraham Lincoln
Pro Wrestlers
Strippers
Ninjas
Wiseguys
Humans
Plants
Robots
Boy Scouts
Cheerleaders
Gladiators
Santa
Lifeguards
Urban Scumbags
Kids
Love
Vampires
Wizards and Vampires (together)
Nickelodeon's Doug
Alien

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


4. Godfather homage (Modern Family, S04E13)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Wilco? Aren't they for, like, dads with receding hairlines and shit?"
    "C'mon. Wilco is the beacon of anti-commercialism."
    "Yeah, because no one wants to buy their whiny music. They gotta give it away for free." (Shameless, S03E02)
  • "But we are illegal immigrants. How can you underbid us?" (Shameless, S03E02)
  • "The only way to make money when you're poor is to steal it or scam it." (Shameless, S03E02)
  • "Sweet Dreams" by Marilyn Manson? (The Following, S01E01)
  • Swell cinematography (Utopia, S01E02)
  • A superhero modeled after the fallen World Trade Center towers? (Face Off, S04E02)
  • Julius Pepperwood (New Girl, S02E14)
  • "The carrot didn't work. That means it's time for the stick." (Justified, S04E03)
  • "You don't worry about how long you gonna live. You worry about how slow you gonna die." (Justified, S04E03)


It was someone's job to create this (Justified, S04E03)


"Buckethead" cameo (Suburgatory, S02E10)


(Archer, S04E02)

#clipoftheweek