Adam Riff™

13. Spite Club (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E10)

Honourable Mention

• Chris Jericho cuts a promo on a drone (AEW Dynamite, 25 Mar 20)

Stray Observations

• "If there's one thing I know about human nature, it's that your stupidity is only eclipsed by your laziness." (Westworld, S03E02)
• Benioff and Weiss / Jurassic Park / Drogon (Westworld, S03E02)
• "For the most part, humanity has been a miserable little band of thugs, stumbling from one catastrophe to the next. Our history is like the ravings of a lunatic. Chaos." (Westworld, S03E02)
• "Everybody in the big johnson community knows that. You can't wear underwear. I don't wear underwear."
  "There's a big johnson community?"
  "Of course there is. We meet once a month. We talk about the pitfalls of having a big-ass johnson." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E10)
• "Why is someone holding a gun to my head and asking me what shade I would prefer my son to be?" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E10)
• "I'm just here for spite." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E10)
• "Gotta break a couple watches to…know how to handle a big cock." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E10)
• "What is this thing? It's like, half-chair, half-couch. It's a like a furniture centaur." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E10)
• "What happened to this watch?"
  "The giant penis of a recent sex change recipient knocked it off the counter." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E10)
• "A little light for a Kwame, no?" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E10)
• "And, uh, the ladies, they, they hang from a bar." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E10)
• "I knew that big penis was nothing but trouble." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E10)
• Curb Your Enthusiasm Season Grade: C
• "When you get very old or very ill, your body just sort of…shuts down, you know, like a…"
  "A computer."
  "Hmm."
  "No, more final. Uh, like a coal mine." (Breeders, S01E05)
• "Staying Alive" CPR (Breeders, S01E05)
• "Ava's wearing dad's cock ring as a bracelet." (Breeders, S01E05)
• "I hear you, yeah, and Dolby 5.1." (Breeders, S01E05)
• "Hey, talk admin to me. Tell me how organized you are." (Breeders, S01E05)
• "My bank was funding terrorism!" (Better Call Saul, S01E06)
• AT&T TV (Black-ish, S06E19)
• "That's Coolio's new rum. It's hella expensive." (Black-ish, S06E19)
• "But I want to go to Shakey's after."
  "Oh, yeah. We can get pizza."
  "I said Shakey's." (Black-ish, S06E19)
• "How the fuck you expect us to come to Philly?"
  "Uh, it was more, like, an expression, I think, when he said you should come — like, come mentally. Not ejaculate, obviously." (Dave, S01E05)
• "Can I suck my own dick on stage?" (Dave, S01E05)
• "Let's Super Smash Brother these hoes, bro." (Dave, S01E05)
• "This dude back here dresses cool as fuck. He knows all the hip-hop urban lingo, but pronounces all his words properly." (Dave, S01E05)
• "I think it's pretty cool that we've got the first hype man that's clinically depressed." (Dave, S01E05)
• "You know, in America, this would be, like, mm, inappropriate for the workplace."
  "Lucky we in China." (Awkwafina Is Nora From Queens, S01E10)
• "I don't want to eat with the bird." (Awkwafina Is Nora From Queens, S01E10)
• Awkwafina Is Nora From Queens Season Grade: C
• ♫: Free – "Oh I Wept" (Devs, S01E05)
• "Everything’s containable, but only if you're willing to do what it takes." (Devs, S01E05)
• "You are a dissident, I am a tank." (Devs, S01E05)
• The Third Man (Devs, S01E05)
• "But they're playing 'Uptown Funk.'"
  "I wouldn't care if they were playing actual music." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S07E09)
• "The phrase 'whodunit' is a grammatical abomination. Please use the proper term: a 'who has done this.'" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S07E09)
• "I've only been laughed at in court once, and that was because I made a terrific joke." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S07E09)
• "I'm sorry, but…this tuna died in vain." (Top Chef, S17E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Watchmen
Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Dave

Looking forward:

12. A Quiet Place (WWE Raw, 16 Mar 20)

Stray Observations

• Kid Cudi (Westworld, S03E01)
• Marshawn Lynch (Westworld, S03E01)
• ♫: Death Grips – "Bubbles Buried in This Jungle" (Westworld, S03E01)

(Westworld, S03E01)

• "Fuck off." (Westworld, S03E01)
• "You take H sector, including the peripheral horseshoe."
  "It's called the donut."
  "No, it doesn't go all the way round. It's always been a horseshoe."
  "I call it a ringpiece. No, that's not helpful."
  "It's not important what it's called, but we call it the nearly circle." (Avenue 5, S01E09)
• "How 'bout this tough guy captain, huh? Alpha to the nut sack."
  "Proactive."
  "Yeah, like a yogurt." (Avenue 5, S01E09)
• "You've got to shit out of the back of the ship! This is basic shitting!" (Avenue 5, S01E09)
• "You no-good fuckin' side-shitter." (Avenue 5, S01E09)
• "Iris! You were like a co-worker to me." (Avenue 5, S01E09)
• Avenue 5 Season Grade: C

(Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E09)

• "I'm so sorry again for the delay. I have diarrhea." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E09)
• "No one's down with diarrhea, Diane!" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E09)
• "Something wrong with a person supporting black and shit? Black licorice, black jelly beans, fuckin' blackouts, burnt toast… I don't give a fuck. I eat burnt toast."
  "Oh, so you must love pumpernickel."
  "Oh, fuck yeah. I take that piece of burnt‐ass toast, put it between two pieces of fuckin' pumpernickel, have a burnt‐toast pumpernickel sandwich." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E09)
• "I love Bowie. Little drummer boy. And the edgier stuff." (Breeders, S01E04)
• "Life is not my strongest suit." (Breeders, S01E04)
• "I've got a thing I can't say."
  "Ooh, what is it? Is it a swear word? Is it 'tits'?" (Breeders, S01E04)
• "No, we don't want to get married, okay? It's just a piece of paper. Now, Ally and Liam had the paper, but me and Ally have the kids, and kids beat paper in Kids, Paper, Scissors."
  "Although scissors beat kids if they run with them." (Breeders, S01E04)
• "Is Ava from Ava Gardner?"
  "Was it Ava Braun or Eva Braun?" (Breeders, S01E04)
• ♫: Moses Concas – "I Feel the Street [Live]" (Breeders, S01E04)
• "Dude, step the fuck off, okay?
  "Young man, I'm trying to help you. If you want to make a difference in this world, you can do better than distraction. What you need is an accelerant. What is the one thing you have in abundance? It's time. Youth is nature's purest and most fleeting resource. It burns brighter than magnesium. Of course, youth doesn't make you unique. What makes you special is what you don't have. What you don't have is a single thing to lose. That's what makes you interesting. That's what makes you valuable. All the fury you feel, put it into action, not reaction, and watch the world tremble."
  "Who are you?"
  "Oh, did you not understand? I am the accelerant." (Briarpatch, S01E06)
• The Isoceles Falcon (Briarpatch, S01E06)
• "Maybe we just watch in Diane's room."
  "Yeah, mine doesn't look like the inside of Terrence Howard's brain." (Black-ish, S06E18)
• Troll 3 (Black-ish, S06E18)
• "Come on, Mason, let's play Smash Bros. in my room." (Black-ish, S06E18)
• "I'm just, like, their Pac-Man. I'm just eating shit, just like [imitates Pac-Man]."
  "Pac-Man doesn't eat shit. He eats whatever the coinage is that he levels up with." (Dave, S01E04)
• "How is this art?"
  "I see what's going on here. You don't like Koons."
  "Oh, my God. This is not racial in any way, my man." (Dave, S01E04)
• "Fuckin' Young Thug." (Dave, S01E04)
• "Oh, I am culturally hip. I want to fuck girls who wear Pumas." (Dave, S01E04)
• "Last night, I chopped it up with the most famous rapper I've ever met – Todd Dillerson."
  "Todd Dillerson?
  "Yeah, Todd Dillerson."
  "Ty Dolla $ign?"
  Ty Dolla $i— That's it, Ty Dolla $ign. Yeah, him. I thought it was more formal to say Todd." (Dave, S01E04)
• "No skin off my clit." (Dave, S01E04)
• The Mask (Dave, S01E04)
• Ninja (Dave, S01E04)
• "Hey, are you the gay guy from Modern Family?" (Dave, S01E04)
• "You're horny for Gallagher?" (Awkwafina Is Nora From Queens, S01E09)
• "Oh, cool, he hangs out with Skrillex."
  "Yeah, and Martha Plimpton."
  "He's in Martha Plimpton's home!" (Awkwafina Is Nora From Queens, S01E09)
• ♫: Patrick Cowley – "Menergy" (Devs, S01E04)
• Mark Cuban (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S07E08)
• "Take the penises off the wall." (Better Things, S04E04)
• "You're a big fucking cunt, your sister's an asshole, and your other sister's great!"
  "Aw, thanks, mom!" (Better Things, S04E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Watchmen
Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Dave

11. Lil Quickie (Dave, S01E03)

Stray Observations

• The Outsider Season Grade: C
• "You guys know Bloody Mary? It's an old drink named after this woman who liked to set Protestants on fire." (Avenue 5, S01E08)
• "Right, I'm just gonna listen to this true crime podcast about that Greta Gerwig thing." (Avenue 5, S01E08)
• "I work in VFX." (Avenue 5, S01E08)
• "I'm getting gang buffeted." (Avenue 5, S01E08)
• "You named your axe Dolores?"
  "After Dolores Claiborne. It's my favourite axe movie."
  "It's a hatchet. Go to sleep. Blade side out."
  "I know how to sleep with an axe, mom." (Kidding, S02E09)
• Kidding Season Grade: C
• "This could be the pee Amazon."
  "We need a name."
  "Poober." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E08)
• "It's actually not funny, Jon Hamm." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E08)
• "You know what, Jon Hamm, it was nice meeting you." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S10E08)

(The New Pope, S01E09)

• "Europe has become irrelevant – an old abandoned shop window that doesn't interest us anymore." (The New Pope, S01E09)
• The New Pope Season Grade: C
• McMillion$ Season Grade: C
• "Sometimes accidents just happen."
  "Look at Princess Diana." (Breeders, S01E03)
• "Cindy's pudding shows are way better live." (Briarpatch, S01E05)
• "That's what journalism's meant to do – comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable." (Briarpatch, S01E05)
• "I would never eat Rachel McAdams' asshole." (Dave, S01E03)
• "That's Phish."
  "But when they gonna stop warming up, though?"
  "Oh, no. This is the whole show. This is what they do the whole time, man." (Dave, S01E03)
• "Your pussy is premium." (Dave, S01E03)
• "What-what is that?"
  "It is…called a Fuck Me Silly 3." (Dave, S01E03)

(Dave, S01E03)

• K-drama (Awkwafina Is Nora From Queens, S01E08)
• Primus (Devs, S01E03)
• "People have become scared of the tech companies, Forest. Really scared. AI is gonna create 60 percent unemployment. Instagram makes people feel like shit about their lives. Twitter makes them feel reviled. Facebook destroyed democracy. They use you. They need you. But they don't like you anymore." (Devs, S01E03)

(Devs, S01E03)

• "Guess who's walking the red carpet this Saturday?"
  "Chord Overstreet."
  "Who?"
  "Sam Evans from Glee."
  "No, me. Why would you guess that? I was clearly talking about me."
  "Okay, but for the record, I bet Chord Overstreet will also be walking one."
  "Stop talking about Chord Overstreet." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S07E07)
• "She was so young!"
  "For a redwood tree." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S07E07)
• "And I read him my all caps speech."
  "And I loved it. It was like poetry."
  ["Madeline smelled like dog crap."] (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S07E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Watchmen
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Dave