Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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35. This Was the Greatest Date in Bachelor History (Bachelor in Paradise, S06E07)

Honourable Mention

  • Judith (Naked Attraction, S05E02)

Stray Observations

  • "J-O-B. 'Just over broke.' Or 'jerks on board.' You take your pick."
    "'Jester of boss.'" (On Becoming a God in Central Florida, S01E01)
  • "I hate when he air-fucks." (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E02)
  • RT: The Rock reading Elizabeth Warren in the Ballers premiere completes possibly the strangest mutual admiration quid pro quos in cultural history (Ballers, S05E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Snowfall
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Comets alone shatter the frame

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WELCOME TO SUDDEN DEATH is a reboot of the original 1995 SUDDEN DEATH, now presented with a comedic twist. The new film will star comedian Gary Owen and trained martial artist Michael Jai White.

Sudden Death as a comedy.

A household name to black audiences yet completely unknown to white audiences, Gary Owen, a blond, blue-eyed stand-up from Ohio, has a career wholly unlike that of any comedian before him.

Sudden Death as a comedy for black audiences?

Both stars of "Sudden Death 2" also appear in Undercover Brother 2, which is another thing that exists.

Defecating Vultures

on

Seems like every airport in America has a Smashburger. Manifest destiny.

Idea: A chamber play set in an airport restroom during a tornado.

Every since airlines began allowing use of tablets during takeoff and landing, I've stopped paying attention to pre-flight safety demonstrations. Sometimes I wonder if I'll remember what to do in the event of an emergency.

Has anyone ever given up extra leg room because he or she did not feel comfortable with possibly having to open an emergency exit door?

"Natural flavor with other natural flavor." Ah so…

The three pillars of in-flight magazine advertising:
1. That shirt that needn't be tucked
2. Top surgeons
3. That hat that grows hair

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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34. Crack House Hunter (Snowfall, S03E07)

Stray Observations

  • "Off they all go again, marching off to daddy, like Russians joining the Brusilov Offensive. World War I."
    "Okay…"
    "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right." (Succession, S02E02)
  • "Too Assady?" (Succession, S02E02)
  • "I get it. I'm from the Midwest. You know, my mom's friend Deb weighs, like, 300 pounds, and she's pissed as fuck about practically everything, so, you know, trust me, I'm down." (Succession, S02E02)
  • "One idea: pivot to video?" (Succession, S02E02)
  • "I'm slavering, pig man." (Succession, S02E02)
  • "Metro poser bullshit. Napkins and chitchat. Ooh, race relations! Kale." (Succession, S02E02)
  • "I'm looking for pussy like a fuckin' techno Gatsby." (Succession, S02E02)
  • ♫: "Glory to the King"? (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E01)
  • "Yeah, you bring home a boring-ass white boy to the family. Good job."
    "No, no. He's an interesting-ass white boy." (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E01)
  • "Don't tell, motherfucker!" (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E01)
  • "That's not BJ. That's my artworks."
    "Oh, you got a sculpture of BJ on all fours looking scared?"
    "Yeah, I bought that. It's a sculpture. And I got a good price on it, 'cause the dick is weird." (The Righteous Gemstones, S01E01)
  • Pose Season Grade: D
  • "You got your 6. It's time for my 9." (Snowfall, S03E07)
  • "I know your ignant ass ain't about to smoke to no gospel music." (Snowfall, S03E07)
  • "Everybody know Wanda be humming the alphabet when she sucking dick." (Snowfall, S03E07)
  • ♫: Grand Funk Railroad – "Heartbreaker" (Snowfall, S03E07)
  • "This man is out here talking like a Drake interlude." (South Side, S01E05)
  • "This guy is wearing a gold-plated necklace and Hebrew sandals. Don't no Africans dress that bad." (South Side, S01E05)
  • "Super excited about this Michael Winslow concert coming up. Apparently, he's going to be doing all the classics: machine gun, reverb, all the different horses…" (South Side, S01E05)
  • "We can lure him out."
    "Wait, how will we do that?"
    "Sugar cubes."
    "For Chip?"
    "Sugar activates the opiate receptors in your brain. People can't resist it. That's why women eat so much chocolate on their periods." (Baskets, S04E10)
  • ♫: Sabina Sciubba – "I Know You Too Well" (Baskets, S04E10)


(Baskets, S04E10)

  • "What did they give you? Cough syrup? Some sort of special syrup? Some sort of breakfast with stuff in it?" (Baskets, S04E10)
  • "You know, that cast saved your arm's life."
    "Yeah, I guess carpal tunnel has its perks." (Baskets, S04E10)
  • Baskets Season Grade: C
  • "Now, what do you want, obtainable Daniel Sunjata?" (Dear White People, S03E01)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Snowfall
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Phat in the Whole

on

[hears song at gym]

Is this an interpolation of Wheatus' "Teenage Dirtbag"?

Yup.

Frawley – "Hard Boy."

♫ 'Cause you think you're such a hard boy, baby
And that's just the things I'm into lately ♫

[pause]

Wikipedia » Wheatus:

In early 2019, the band provided direct support to Mike Doughty on the first leg of his twenty-fifth anniversary tour of Soul Coughing's Ruby Vroom.

MIKE DOUGHTY IS PERFORMING MY FAVOURITE ALBUM OF ALL TIME IN ITS ENTIRETY?!?!

Bollocks. Fall dates, but none in California.

Hmm… I could catch him in Aspen on my birthday…

Ehh, I don't care for his solo versions anyway.

Brown has stated that [Wheatus] are in the midst of preparing a 20th anniversary expanded edition of their self-titled debut album, due out in 2020 alongside a 20th anniversary tour.

But Harvey Danger had to break up. [grumbles]

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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33. Grant Achatz's Chocolate Pumpkin Pie (MasterChef, S10E18)

Stray Observations


(Succession, S02E01)

  • Legion Season Grade: C
  • "They don't kill us because they hate us. They kill us because they hate what it means to love us." (Pose, S02E09)
  • "Do you realize how luxurious your life is?"
    "Yeah. I know. The house is great."
    "Not the house. You have the luxury of choosing loneliness. For some people, it's not optional." (Pose, S02E09)
  • "Fennel-scented lemon air." (MasterChef, S10E18)


(MasterChef, S10E18)

  • "Go to school, ho." (Snowfall, S03E06)
  • "These are sneakerheads. Keep your guard up. Don't be fooled by how silly they're dressed, or how Asian they may seem." (South Side, S01E04)
  • "What you all cheering about?"
    "New Keyshia Cole just dropped."
    "Yeah? Well, text me your Tidal password so I can listen to it." (South Side, S01E04)
  • Showgirl Geena Davis (GLOW, S03E09)
  • GLOW Season Grade: C
  • "Pull your dick out!"
    "Excuse me?"
    "You're not a cop, show your dick. A cop won't show his dick." (Mindhunter, S02E04)
  • Braniff (Mindhunter, S02E05)
  • Wayne Williams Easter egg at 27:38 (Mindhunter, S02E06)
  • "The next Berry Gordy."
    "Who?" (Mindhunter, S02E09)
  • Mindhunter Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Boys
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Other Two

Happy Jack

on

He claims we met freshman year of high school, but I recall meeting Jose sophomore year.

I joined the speech and debate team because of him.

I remember attending speech and debate tournaments at a local, private, Jesuit, all-male preparatory school and being amused by a large rock on campus that was named after someone, presumably because everything else on campus was already taken.

I remember thinking about how my surname does not lend itself well to naming – Yu Union, Yu Hall.

Flash forward 20 years. An elementary school named after Jose is opening today in our hometown.

He came up with "Vargas Citizens." I proposed "Vargas Patriots" as a better alternative. Owls it is.

Now to glue a plaque with my name on it to a rock and plant it on campus.

Rory Hornblower: Yu Rock.