Last night, I dreamt I learned I was related to Colin and Christie from The Amazing Race 5. Moreover, new wave music factored in heavily. That's all I remember. In my early morning rush to view Cardigan Buoy's website, I hit "enter" prematurely and wound…
Date Archives September 2005
Death and Destruction
Greetings from Illinois. I'm here visiting family; namely, my mother…in the hospital. Over the past few days, I've watched a sickening amount of network television while keeping my narcoleptic mother company. Notes: Svengoolie is still on the air? Like Matt Hardy, the infomercial for the…
Thomas Pynchon, forgive me
Hi. I'm in Ontario. Drew let me borrow his computer to acknowledge AdamRiff.com's fifth anniversary. Can you dig it? Today, I poop on the graves of Wanker County, Punogre, Armegro, Blingo Millions, Funky Fresh, The Hoowa, Oddd, Sardonia, Hoe Hater, The Marked Fool, Doofyfuel, Phoniks,…
Tom Brady would kick your ass
President to Investigate Katrina Response Vows to 'Find Out What Went Right and What Went Wrong' Related: Bush vows to find Saddam's weapons Just tell the country that you didn't act immediately because you were getting stoned. We'll understand. Black Family Channel How did this…
Morse code from the Cold War
The following is an actual letter published in the travel section of Sunday's San Jose Mercury News: I'm glad you're so concerned about the welfare of the fat slobs who fly. The other side of the story is the welfare of those who must sit…
There is no try
Mac Thomason: A rapper said something bad about the President! How awful! We obviously must talk about nothing else for the next six weeks! "Hellooooo New Orleans!" alternate caption: "Bus driver, move that bus!" Hurricane Katrina. Where is she now? Katrina: I'm back in the…
Thalidomide Babies
Always a pleasant surprise when the mayor e-mails you. From: Neely, Matt Re: Lux Et Veritas Hi Jon—Alas, I don't remember the particular context, though I imagine it had to do with your description of your erections in the school newspaper. We were young, then,…
Thumbs Down
Yesterday, I saw a commercial for a History Channel special on Rome that compared the Superdome to the Colosseum. How apropos. Trapped in an Arena of Suffering "A 2-year-old girl slept in a pool of urine." "We pee on the floor." "One mother said she…
This place is a prison
77 Pearl Jam songs? Consecutively? Does The End want people to listen to KEXP? I kinda feel sorry for citizens of Seattle. Not only does the city's "-ist" site sound like a drug for erectile dysfunction, but Seattle is also eternally bound to the travesty…