The adverts for Happy Feet make me want to annihilate penguins. I want to tear each and every one of them apart with my bare hands. I want to bathe in their blood and don the hides of baby ones as merkins. In his rambling…
Date Archives November 2006
¿Dónde está el baño?
I saw a Mervyn's commercial that used a parody of "My Sharona" with the chorus "M-M-M-Myyy Mervyn's." Another winner from the world of marketing… If you're gonna parody a song, at least preserve the same number of syllables. Example: "M-M-M-Myyy Chalupa." Or choose words that…
No Spin Zone
Kurt: I have a new DJ name: JD Dyslexic. He thinks it's clever. I think no one will recognize he's a DJ. Jury? Previously: Kurt wrote a sitcom about two serial killers sharing an apartment and not knowing about the other's secret life.
Slang Blade
Is it wrong to hate your regional vocabulary? I can't stand how casually people in the Bay Area use "hella" as an adjective. Hella cold, hella funny — what an awful colloquialism. I grew up in the Bay Area. If I can abstain from using…
Smorgasbored: Reading is for faggots!
• Election-Day Hideous Patriotic T-Shirt Extravaganza! [Demonbaby] • Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line Of Healthy Snacks [The Onion] • Sonic's new wrap stuffed with chili, cheese, and Frito chips [Estoy Con Stupido] • Deep-fried pizza [Slashfood] • How To Make A Mix Tape For Chuck Klosterman…
I know what you did last summer
Sarah Michelle Gellar — So young, yet already a cliché.
Gay dad always trumps slutty mom
I struggled to finish editing the first draft of Leon's guide to digital cameras. Sample sentence: It has been years, until recently, producers have listened to what consumers were asking, and started to upgrade into digital age. A 21-year-old wrote that. A 21-year-old self-professed writer….
You never know just how you look through other people's eyes
My buddy Cameron graduates from the Los Angeles Police Academy in December. —so i got tear gassed and oc sprayed today —how was it? —horrible —the most painful thing ive ever done, the oc spray that is, the tear gas is nothing —some of the…
Clint Eastwood
How apropos that on the same day a couple more states voted to ban gay marriage, 24-year-old Britney Spears split from her second husband. Gay marriage bans are such paper tigers. Whatever boosts conservative morale, I suppose.