Adam Riff™

9. Remembering Dipper (The Daily Show, 26 Feb 2024)

Honourable Mention

• Art car fight (Furies, S01E08)

Stray Observations

• "Does your husband have a very low-hanging scrotal sac? A lot of guys do."
  "Oh, my God."
  "How long is it? When he goes to the bathroom in the night, can I just say…"
  "No, you can't just say!"
  "I hear them slapping on his thighs."
  "Get…"
  "It sounds like, you know…"
  "Get the hell outta here."
  "A flip-flop in a Mexican resort." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E04)
• I came here in '72, clutching my rosary. Visions of the souls I would save. Then I learned the true tenets of the cloth: Silk, gold and guns." (Shogun, S01E02)

(Abbott Elementary, S03E05)

• "It's just… It's not working. It's like a DC movie over here." (Abbott Elementary, S03E05)
• "What is a choir if not a sorority for the Lord?" (Abbott Elementary, S03E05)
• "I am not Christian enough for them."
  "All because you got a few piercings? If anybody can appreciate a few extra holes in their bodies, it's Jesus." (Abbott Elementary, S03E05)
• "Zach has already started writing a one-man show about me. He's calling it Fleabag, but with an 'F.'"
  "Fleafaf?" (Abbott Elementary, S03E05)
• "Is the dick that good?"
  "It's worth every goddamn inch." (BMF, S03E01)

(Furies, S01E01)

• </Furies, S01>

8. All Our Vice (Abbott Elementary, S03E05)

Stray Observations

• Doomcore ♫: The Beatles – "Twist and Shout" (True Detective, S04E06)
• </True Detective, S04>
• "However good a shot you think you are, you could have killed Teresa, and trust me, I don't think you could have lived with that."
  "You don't know what I can live with."
  "No, what I meant, Henri, is that I would've fucking killed you." (Monsieur Spade, S01E06)
• "Aren't there are plenty of your fellow patriots in Argentina that you can write angry manifestos and compare kill lists with? Leave me to enjoy my cognac and foul cheese in peace?" (Monsieur Spade, S01E06)
• "You sound like a leaflet someone dropped from an airplane." (Monsieur Spade, S01E06)
• "The child was born in Algeria, which makes him a French citizen."
  "Or an Algerian, depending on your point of view."
  "He was technically born in France."
  "One would have to practically break one's spine to get into that particular position." (Monsieur Spade, S01E06)
• "Philippe made the mess. I just tried to clean it up."
  "You pick up vomit with a teaspoon, you make a bigger mess."
  "What a swell metaphor."
  "I read a lot of E.E. Cummings. A small constabulary on the ass end of a giant hole is no match for the big guns elsewhere." (Monsieur Spade, S01E06)
• "One doesn't go to bed one person and wake up another just because one says so."
  "You mean people are simpler than they think? I had no idea."
  "I mean people know what they want. The rest is justification. Take you, for example… You wanna be left alone. You live in a quiet little village where the locals know just enough about you to leave you be."
  "You've read my mail."
  "And yet, sadly, our pasts are portable." (Monsieur Spade, S01E06)
• </Monsieur Spade, S01>
• "I think the brain and the balls are related. If you take a magnifying glass and you put it on your balls, it's the same pattern as the brain." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E03)
• "My point is lemons are a fungible citrus." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E03)
• "You tell him about the Postmates dinner?"
  "I did."
  "What'd you tell him? You just went like this. You didn't do anything."
  "That's the sign for 'Postmates dinner.'" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E03)
• "Every Black person you meet, you say 'brother' to? 'Hey, brother'?"
  "You say 'brother' and you give him one of those right there."
  "Uh-huh. Yeah. You too?"
  "Respectful nod."
  "A nod is like our aloha."
  "I don't do a Jew nod."
  "You know, you guys got that song already, 'Hey, Jew.'" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E03)
• "All Black balls are like this." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E03)
• Larry watching Live By Night (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E03)
• "Where did you even get a cigarette?"
  "Yeah, what you, a French child?" (Abbott Elementary, S03E04)
• "Oh, it's nice to meet you, Jessica."
  "Jessca. There's no 'I.' Jess…ca." (Abbott Elementary, S03E04)
• "Hi."
  "Hmph. Bet you are." (Abbott Elementary, S03E04)
• "Now, I admit that it make you look cool. But it make your breath smell like stool. And that's poop." (Abbott Elementary, S03E04)
• "Pay attention so you don't die." (Abbott Elementary, S03E04)
• "Okay, alright… It just seems like most drugs aren't that bad."
  "Fine, you can smoke a little! Just don't do opioids!"
  "My grandfather's on opioids."
  "Drugs from a doctor are okay."
  "My mom's on Valtrex."
  "That's fine. Your mom has herpes." (Abbott Elementary, S03E04)
• "Exile makes sex more felt." (Feud, S02E05)
• "He ran!" (Avatar: The Last Airbender, S01E02)
• </Avatar: The Last Airbender, S01>
• </Expats, S01>

7. Chance Encounter (The Vince Staples Show, S01E02)

Honourable Mention

• Haru vs. Gaku fight (House of Ninjas, S01E08)

Stray Observations

• ♫: Zayde Wolf – "Save Tonight" (True Detective, S04E05)
• "Gregory Eddie, is no woman safe from your incompetence with the opposite sex? Mm!"
  "Well, Gregory? Is no?" (Abbott Elementary, S03E03)
• "She was taken by U2? I really need to see this movie." (Abbott Elementary, S03E03)
• "Oh, damn. Here go my childless ex." (Abbott Elementary, S03E03)
• ♫: Backstreet Boys – "Everybody [Backstreet's Back]" ← after characters sang "I Want It That Way" in S01 (Tokyo Vice, S02E03)
• ♫: Rent – "Seasons of Love"
  "Do you know this music?"
  "Is it an American folk song. From their country's founding." (Tokyo Vice, S02E03)
• "How we the second robbery here today?"
  "In all fairness, you the first robbery here today. This was a heist."
  "What's the difference?"
  "It's simple. You do a heist, you George Clooney. You rob a bank, you Queen Latifah." (The Vince Staples Show, S01E02)
• "Macaroni and cheese ain't a side dish at the family reunion. It's a delicacy." (The Vince Staples Show, S01E03)
• "I just don't understand. Why are we Black?" (The Vince Staples Show, S01E03)
• "Are we gonna see Dude?"
  "You know Dude not real, right?"
  "What?"
  "Yeah. Just a nigga in a suit, like Steve Harvey." (The Vince Staples Show, S01E04)
• </The Vince Staples Show, S01>
• </House of Ninjas, S01>

6. Nothing But Net (The Traitors [USA], S02E07)

Stray Observations

• Watching Elf while whitening teeth (True Detective, S04E04)
• Two adult men separately watching Elf (True Detective, S04E04)
• "See, me, I carry my phone in my front pocket. But sometimes, I dick dial people by mistake."
  "Oh, you make a dick dial?"
  "One time, I ordered a pizza by mistake. This motherfucker shows up, I said, 'The fuck is this?' 'You ordered a pizza earlier.' Wow, my fucking dick. And sometimes, I can hear my dick dialing a number. Know what I mean? I'm like, 'What the fuck are you doing?' You know what I'm saying?"
  "I do know what you're saying." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E01)
• "I had a 4.0 APA, 'Ass-Point-Average.'" (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E01)
• "Have you noticed that when you take a picture, you don't look nearly as good as you do when you look in the mirror?"
  "Yeah."
  "Because the mirror is how you see yourself. And the photo is how you're seen." (Curb Your Enthusiasm, S12E01)
• "Put your arms away, Jeremy Allen Black." (Abbott Elementary, S03E01/2)
• "We need old Ava back!"
  "Well, she's dead and gone. I lead now. I communicate. I haven't listened to the City Girls in months." (Abbott Elementary, S03E01/2)
• "Ava said she stopped listening to the Town Women." (Abbott Elementary, S03E01/2)
• "Princeton is the Temple University of the Ivies!" (Abbott Elementary, S03E01/2)
• "Not today, Juvenile." (Abbott Elementary, S03E01/2)
• "Happy Career Day, Ava."
  "There's no such thing as a happy career. To work is to lose in life." (Abbott Elementary, S03E01/2)
• "Hey, little girl. Look at you all dressed up for Career Day."
  "Good one, Jalen Hurts." (Abbott Elementary, S03E01/2)
• "Your face is incredible!" (Abbott Elementary, S03E01/2)
• "Jalen, you've gotta say no to this kind of stuff. Boundaries."
  "You know my boundaries porous as hell." (Abbott Elementary, S03E01/2)
• "Guards, show this murderess the door." (Feud, S02E03)