Never fight a man with a perm

on

Steven: Do you know Mariah Carey? Like, I want to be her for Halloween with a Michael Myers mask and wig, but I need to know if she has any iconic thing I can also wear.
Jon: [pause]

Steven: Mariah Carey's face looks exactly like the Michael Myers mask.
Steven: https://www.google.com/search?q=mariah%20carey%20michael%20myers
Jon: Okay… So you want to be Mariah Carey wearing a mask of her own face? Mariah Carey with a rotten face?
Steven: No, bruh, Michael Myers dressed as Mariah Carey!
Jon: You're just gonna look like Michael Myers in drag.

Adam Robot: I was checking out what shows were coming up here, just in case I missed something. I see there's a Linkin Park tribute band coming. FFS. Imagine going to that.
Jon: I might, just to experience Mike Shinoda adjace.

Adam Robot:

Adam Robot: It's gotta be the guy with the flat brim.
Jon: Oh man… Method rapping. Chester adjace too!

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


40. The Seattle crowd boos Kevin Owens and Elias into oblivion (WWE Raw, 10-01-18)

Honourable Mention

  • "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud" by William Wordsworth (Shameless, S09E04)
  • Mac and Charlie beat the unholy crap out of a gang of children (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S13E05)

Stray Observations

  • "I'm not boy crazy. I've never felt more boy sane." (Bob's Burgers, S09E01)
  • "No loud noises."
    "I'll tell my butt." (Bob's Burgers, S09E01)
  • "I could go for another visit to the boy-ffet." (Bob's Burgers, S09E01)
  • "What's a Weinstein?"
    "Being manipulative and pathetic."
    "About the only way I ever get sex is being manipulative and pathetic."
    "You ever jack off into a potted plant? Ask for massages wearing an open bathrobe? Hmm? Rape a couple dozen?"
    "Allegedly."
    "No…"
    "Then you're probably an Ansari."
    "What's an Ansari?"
    "That's just being a dick." (Shameless, S09E04)
  • "You're a congressman again. What are you going to do?"
    "Absolutely nothing." (Shameless, S09E04)


Chris Partlow's computer-generated pelvis (The Deuce, S02E04)

  • "Brace yourself."
    "What?" (The Deuce, S02E04)
  • "Hey, dad, I lost my tooth in my breakfast panini." (Kidding, S01E04)
  • "I can't replace Jeff with a Styrofoam head and then look him in the eye over osso buco." (Kidding, S01E04)
  • "And then I loved her in the pussy." (Kidding, S01E04)
  • "Hate doesn't punish who you think it does." (Kidding, S01E04)
  • "The world is a perfect circle of endless possibilities."
    "It's not a circle. It's a hole." (Kidding, S01E04)
  • "I mean, look at us. 30. Single. Black. Out here thriving. Looking like all three Jennifer Hudsons." (Insecure, S03E08)
  • Insecure Season Grade: C
  • "Tear-jerking dramas like Love, Actually and BASEketball." (WWE SmackDown LIVE, 10-02-18)
  • "I am a 2018 Range Rover woman!" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S13E05)
  • "Do you know how much weird stuff has happened because of your little experiment? England left Europe. That Hugh Jackman musical about P.T. Barnum, it made like 400 million dollars. Also, the Jacksonville Jaguars are good now."
    "Impossible!"
    "I'm serious! They're going to make the playoffs! Blake Bortles is…kind of okay, maybe? I don't know, it's…being debated amongst experts." (The Good Place, S03E03)
  • "I mean, because of you, Byron Allen owns the Weather Channel now."
    "Is, is that bad?"
    "I don't know, but it's weird, man!" (The Good Place, S03E03)
  • "Everyone was there for some other book – boy witch – written by a homeless British teacher, of all things!" (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E01)
  • "Whoa. An RV's no place to be sad…" (Fresh Off the Boat, S05E01)


Legion Admiral Fukuyama costume? (Into the Dark: The Body, S01E01)

  • "Oh, shit, man! I was just on VentureBeat's list of 40 under 40! I can't die like this!" (Into the Dark: The Body, S01E01)
  • "He's like Tracy Morgan. I don't know if he knows he's being funny, but he's fucking funny." (Big Mouth, S02E01)
  • "What is that? An undershirt?"
    "Uhh, it's Kirkland Signature? They also make water." (Big Mouth, S02E02)
  • "What do you know, Fillion? You're just a sex symbol for nerds and geriatrics!"
    "Gasp!"
    "And you have way more hair than you really need!" (Big Mouth, S02E02)
  • Golf Lundgren (Big Mouth, S02E04)
  • "Get out!" (Big Mouth, S02E05)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Snowfall
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Who knew evil girls had the prettiest face?

on

Fighting Game Idea: Top Dawg, a TDE-branded spiritual successor to the Def Jam games of the '00s.

The roster is TDE artists and their contemporaries.

Instead of artists fighting, perhaps the fighters are characters inspired by aliases.

Kung Fu Kenny (Kendrick Lamar)
Groovy Tony (ScHoolboy Q)
Eastside Johnny (Jay Rock)
Mayday (Ab-Soul)
Lord Flacko (A$AP Rocky)
Champagne Papi (Drake)
Hendrix (Future)
kiLL edward (J. Cole)
Bobby Tarantino (Logic)
Mr. Solo Dolo (Kid Cudi)
Huncho (Quavo)
La Flame (Travis Scott)
Wolf Haley (Tyler, the Creator)
Crippy Teigen (Vince Staples)
Slimer (Young Thug)

Rory: No, you unlock alter egos.
Jon: Ooh, I like that.

Buster Busts Loose!

on

VS.
A troubled foster kid uses his scathing word skills to become an unlikely rap battle champion. But when he doorsteps his biological mother after ten years in care, he is forced to face his toughest opponent yet: His Past.

8 MILE meets BOY A. VS. is an inspirational rites of passage drama set in the exciting UK rap battling scene.

8 Mile meets Boy A – ah so…

I always confuse Boy A and Never Let Me Go.

Penelope "Punky" Brewster is a warm, funny and bright child. Her father walked out on her family, then her mother abandoned her at a Chicago shopping center, leaving Punky alone with her dog Brandon.

This was the premise for a children's show.

JUMPMAN
Denis grew up in an orphanage, where his mother left him soon after his birth. He is a special boy, who due to a rare illness is immune to pain. This makes him popular among other boys, who take bets on how long he can endure cruel physical games.

One day his mother turns up out of the blue and takes him to Moscow, where he becomes part of a gang that extracts money from wealthy people. Denis becomes a "jumpman" – someone who jumps in front of cars to blackmail the drivers.

Reunited with his mother, Denis feels that this new life is a dream come true until one day… he starts feeling pain again.

This new life of jumping in front of cars to blackmail wealthy people is a dream come true.

The Road Movie meets Logan.

Prolific Pukers

on

[browsing New York Comic Con Entertainment Guests]

"Andy Biersack, Black Veil Brides"?

From the Stage to the Page: Musicians Creating Comic Books
International producer/DJ and entrepreneur Steve Aoki, Hip Hop Legend Darryl "DMC" McDaniels, rock star Andy Biersack of the Black Veil Brides and alt-pop phenomenon Lights headline a panel discussing their transition from musicians to comic book creators.

Who is the audience for this?

That's the Red Ranger?

I feel like Ben Savage's sole source of income nowadays is Boy Meets World reunions.

"Bowen Yang, Jon Glaser Loves Gear" – that show wasn't cancelled?

Huh, season two sometime this fall.

"Bowen" is a name that only Asian dudes have.

The only time I go to church is when someone's in a casket

on

I need to commission an album cover and, in browsing artist marketplaces, stumbled upon this listing:

(NSFW-Digital) Summer Last Day!
NSFW/R18 Commissions! Done in digital with simple background Do's: -NSFW (Hentai, Porn, Sexy, etc) -Individual or Couples -Heterosexual & GL Don't: -Furries -Lollicon -Complicated background. It will take 1-2 weeks (It can be done less than a week if I'm not busy or depends on the number of revisions)

I can't stop looking at its accompanying sample illustration:

It's so amazingly awkward. I want a large print of it to hang in my home.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

39. Tracking Shootout (Maniac, S01E09)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "It's a parody of Westworld, except instead of cowboys and Indians, it's sex robots. I mean, it is brilliant." (The Deuce, S02E03)
  • John Belushi (The Deuce, S02E03)
  • "TV-wise, while we'll still be showing the White Sox games, we're gonna be introducing some alternative programming for the ladies."
    "Like what?"
    "Cooking shows? Ellen?"
    "This Is Us."
    "Let's not get carried away, Kermit." (Shameless, S09E03)
  • "And make that journey all that way on our own?"
    "Why not? You're mean and self-involved enough to survive anything, and I'm a goddamn robot." (American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E03)
  • Book of Eli Billy Eichner (American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E03)
  • "Why are you molesting my Loubs?" (American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E03)
  • "When that jet took off, I had to put you away in that place in my brain that had everything I loved but could never have again, like…sushi." (American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E03)


(American Horror Story: Apocalypse, S08E03)

  • "Mac, what is it that you do at the bar?"
    "I am the head of security—"
    "He's our doorman."
    "No, he's just, like, our gay guy now." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S13E04)
  • "Maybe that help with come from Tay Zonday's autobiography Chocolate Book!" (The Good Place, S03E01)
  • Joey Ryan (The Good Place, S03E02)
  • "Annie, why are you here?"
    "Because I'm your friend, and that's what friends do." (Maniac, S01E10)
  • Maniac Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Snowfall
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Who Is America?

Looking forward:

Q4 films > Q4 television.

Dropping Riverdale and Speechless.

I want to be king until I am

on

This website is now just IMDb film synopses.

In Discovery Channel's all-new motor game show BRAKE ROOM, celebrity contestants try to predict what happens in the craziest viral videos from the motor world in hopes of winning the alluring 'mystery box.'

Discovery Channel is now just shows about motor vehicles, treasure hunters, and people who live in Alaska.

Idea: The Giving Tree, but the tree is a man who is literally made of money.