Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

Year nine.


1. Dan Le Batard vomits on air from Stugotz eating photo (The Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz, 01-04-18)

Stray Observations

  • "I'm a walking medical disaster, Frank."
    "Well, that's why God invented Canada." (Shameless, S08E08)
  • "Do you think it's weird that all the girls you've liked have been white?"
    "But that's different. See, that's not a preference. That's just what's around." (Fresh Off the Boat, S04E11)
  • "Black Jesus, please guide my hand to the nougat." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "Let me let you in on a little secret: Rules are for ugly people." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "I hate to say this, but it sounds like you got yourself an 'urb.' An unruly bitch." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "You were in a band?"
    "Yeah. The Johnson Five. I was the most talented, and the most troubled. That's why I died so young." (Black-ish, S04E10)
  • "For the new trick, Pascal the Magnificent wants to make me disappear and then reappear in Jerusalem. But I don't know. I don't like hummus." (LA to Vegas, S01E01)
  • "He's not a Saudi prince. He's just a Mexican with a pet falcon." (LA to Vegas, S01E01)
  • "It's not a bottle opener, you caveman, it's a piece of art."
    "No, that's a bottle-opening scrotum." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • Jennie Garth (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "Television is the lowest form of art, okay? It's a rung below macaroni jewelry." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "What a Brenda, right?" (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "People don't get a lot of cool stuff. Right? Like uni and, uh, John Cougar Mellencamp." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "Okay, we got to figure out something, because I am going to that gala or I am getting my thermos signed." (The Mick, S02E10)
  • "Hot tip: Most of the young, eligible, Jewish guys hang out right over there. We call that area 'Little Boca.'" (Grown-ish, S01E01)
  • "Oh, hey, Taylor. You got any questions for the Pustule Brothers?" (Speechless, S02E11)
  • "Actually, I think Kenneth wants to…
    "Strip with teens? Oh, no, he doesn't." (Speechless, S02E11)


(9-1-1, S01E01)


(9-1-1, S01E01)

  • "That was 'She Hates Me' by Puddle of Mudd. Coming up next: 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.'" (The Good Place, S02E08)
  • "We're about to close it down with one last song: 'She Hates Me' by Puddle of Mudd and 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer' played at the same time." (The Good Place, S02E08)
  • "Surprise!"
    "Ah! Tiny Dunkirk!" (Great News, S02E10)
  • "He gave me a gift I can never repay: A $25 gift card to Coconuts." (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Chuck? Oh, no, are you the new Hedwig? I told you you don't have the chops." (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Please help me, Portia. I'll give you anything. How about a $25 gift card to Coconuts?" (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Still with us, Bo Jefferson, fiscally conservative van resident. And on the liberal side, daniel with a lowercase D." (Great News, S02E10)
  • "Do you think it's gonna explode?"
    "It's not a film. [If this was a film, we'd probably be American.]" (The End of the Fucking World, S01E02)
  • The End of the Fucking World Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

Adam Riff™ Clips of the Year

on

1. Top Chef
2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
3. Portlandia
4. The Young Pope
5. The Young Pope
6. Powerless
7. The Young Pope
8. WWE Raw
9. Homeland
10. Legion
11. The Walking Dead
12. Legion
13. Nirvanna the Band the Show
14. Bates Motel
15. The Amazing Race
16. WWE Raw
17. Brooklyn Nine-Nine
18. The Leftovers
19. American Gods
20. American Gods
21. Fargo
22. Neon Joe: Werewolf Hunter
23. Twin Peaks
24. Fargo
25. The Trip [to Spain]
26. Claws
26. Claws
27. WWE Raw
28. Tour de Pharmacy
29. The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
30. Twin Peaks
31. Insecure
32. WWE SmackDown LIVE
33. Game of Thrones
34. Claws
35. Twin Peaks
36. WWE Raw
37. Twin Peaks
38. American Vandal
39. Nathan For You: A Celebration
40. Nathan For You
41. Black-ish
42. Nathan For You
43. Big Mouth
44. American Horror Story
45. Wendy
46. Vice Principals / Nathan For You [tie]
47. Nirvanna the Band the Show
48. Future Man
49. The Walking Dead
50. Desus and Mero
51. Jean-Claude Van Johnson
52. Desus and Mero

Stray Observations

  • "It'll be like those two girls' night out movies that came out at the same time, only ours will be as good as the black one." (Great News, S02E09)
  • "Did I look thin? Hmm? Like, wheatgrass yogurt thin?" (Black Mirror, S04E01)
  • "Stealing my pussy is a red fucking line." (Black Mirror, S04E01)
  • "King of space right here." (Black Mirror, S04E01)
  • "Okay, I added the boner." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • "We didn't have that whole immersive VR environment shizzle back then." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • "Monkey just needs a minute to get used to how things are gonna be." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • "Are you gonna be a good toy?"
    "Monkey loves you."
    "You better." (Black Mirror, S04E06)
  • Black Mirror Season Grade: C+

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

2017 AR™TV World Drama Championship Reigns
Stranger Things – 30 weeks [carried over from 2016]
The Young Pope – 3 weeks
Legion – 7 weeks
Better Call Saul – 1 week
The Leftovers – 2 weeks
Better Call Saul – 1 week
Fargo – 1 week
American Gods – 1 week
Twin Peaks – 1 week
Fargo – 3 weeks
Twin Peaks – 6 weeks
Game of Thrones – 1 week
Twin Peaks – 6 weeks
The Deuce – 14 weeks and counting

2017 AR™TV World Comedy Championship Reigns
Atlanta – 22 weeks [carried over from 2016]
Baskets – 17 weeks
The Carmichael Show – 9 weeks
Rick and Morty – 1 week
Insecure – 1 week
Rick and Morty – 5 weeks
Nathan For You – 14 weeks and counting

Looking forward:

#clipoftheweek

The Top 10 Fight Scenes of 2017

on

Previously on Adam Riff™: The 2017 Draft

And now, a more conventional list:

10. Brawl in Thrοne Rοom (Stαr Wαrs: Τhe Lαst Jedι)

9. Brawl in Cell Blοck 99 (Brawl in Cell Blοck 99)

8. Brawl in Alley (Nirvanna the Band the Show)

7. Brawl in High School (Vice Principals)

6. Brawl in Master Bedroom (The Mick)

5. Brawl in Moving Bus (The Villainess)

4. Brawl in Frozen Meat Depot (Paradοx)


3. Brawl in Apartment Building (Atomic Blonde)
two videos, playlisted

2. Brawl in First- and Third-Person (The Villainess)

1. Brawl in Police Station (Headshot)

Iko Uwais tops this list for the third time.

see also:

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


52. Desus and Mero vs. DJ Akademiks (Desus and Mero, 12-20/12-21-17)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Search Party Season Grade: D
  • "You'll be visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future."
    "Wait, it's like I'm gonna be in that movie. Wait, what is the name of that movie? Oh, gosh. Okay, wait a minute. Okay, it was a guy counting coins, but he wouldn't help Teeny Tom. Oh, come on. The Muppets did a good one, and Ace Ventura did a bad one. You know what I'm talking about. It's Christmas… It's a Chris, Christmas…"
    "Carol!"
    "Yeah, what's up?" (Great News, S02E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Deuce
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Nathan For You

#clipoftheweek

The 2017 Draft

on

There was an idea…

To bring together a group of disparate people…

To see if we could create something more…than a year-end list.

10 people select 10 things they loved from 2017 without any overlap.

THE LEAGUE

Alas, I couldn't find someone in Big 12 country, where I somehow only know Steven, who is too washed culturally to participate. Also, I could've used another girl, another non-white person, and another person in their 20s. Next year?

THE RANDOMLY-GENERATED SNAKE DRAFT ORDER
Adam Robot » Jeff » Russell » Aaron » Drew » Molly » Jon Yu [me] » Mike » White Jon » Logan »

Alright.

With the first pick in the 2017 Draft, Adam Robot selected…


ADAM ROBOT
1. TWIN PEAKS the return: “Part 8"
S03E08 / Showtime


JEFF
2. THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: BREATH OF THE WILD
Switch game

RUSSELL
3. NATHAN FOR YOU: “Finding Frances"
S04E08 / Comedy Central

Jon Yu: GODDAMMIT.
Russell: Clearly the Embiid of this draft.


AARON
4. The Mean Bean Machine boss battle in SONIC MANIA
game


DREW
5. BLADE RUNNER 2049
film

Drew: Blade Runner 2049 wasn't necessarily my favorite movie of 2017, but I really don't think it would be available when the draft snaked back to me.
Drew: But that's me thinking in terms of pick valuation.

MOLLY
6. Lady Bird and Julie's best friendship in LADY BIRD
film

JON YU
7. NIRVANNA THE BAND THE SHOW
S01+S02 / Viceland


MIKE
8. HQ TRIVIA
iOS game

Jon Yu: Hey, uhh, Lady Bird is off the boa—


WHITE JON
9. LADY BIRD THE FLORIDA PROJECT
film


LOGAN
10. AUBREY PLAZA as a producer
The Little Hours / Ingrid Goes West

LOGAN
11. The “BOWLING GREEN MASSACRE"

WHITE JON
12. SLOWDIVE releasing an amazing album 22 years after their last
S/T

MIKE
13. BIG MOUTH: “Girls Are Horny Too"
steamy novel makes the rounds / S01E05 / Netflix


JON YU
14. MERO's laugh
Desus and Mero / Bodega Boys

MOLLY
15. The War on Drugs' album A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING

DREW
16. GET OUT and the meme culture it has wrought
film

Drew: I was surprised Get Out was available.


AARON
17. Sasha Velour's rose petal reveal in the grand finale of RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE
S09E14 / VH1

RUSSELL
18. LITTLE FIRES EVERYWHERE by Celeste Ng
book

JEFF
19. MR. ROBOT: “eps3.4runtime-error.r00"
single-take episode / S03E05 / USA

ADAM ROBOT
20. THE LEFTOVERS
S03 / HBO

ADAM ROBOT
21. HALT AND CATCH FIRE: Gordon
S04E07 / AMC

JEFF
22. “CUT TO THE FEELING" by Carly Rae Jepsen
song

RUSSELL
23. Tom Hardy's inaudible dialogue in DUNKIRK
film

AARON
24. The No Man's Land scene in WONDER WOMAN
film

DREW
25. The culmination of THE PROCESS: Simmons/Embiid 2017
Philadelphia 76ers / NBA


MOLLY
26. TIFFANY HADDISH
Girls Trip / The Carmichael Show / Saturday Night Live / The Last Black Unicorn

JON YU
27. THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI
film


MIKE
28. Dr. Kahl's Robot in CUPHEAD
XBO+Windows game

WHITE JON
29. “SO IT GOES…" by Taylor Swift
song

LOGAN
30. SEARCH PARTY
S02 / TBS

LOGAN
31. VICE NEWS TONIGHT's “Charlottesville: Race and Terror" special
HBO


WHITE JON
32. Megan Amram's unused food puns list for THE GOOD PLACE
S02E03 / NBC

MIKE
33. RICK AND MORTY: “The ABC's of Beth"
is Beth a clone? / S03E09 / Adult Swim

JON YU
34. Barry Keoghan's performance in THE KILLING OF A SACRED DEER
film

MOLLY
35. THOR: RAGNAROK
film

DREW
36. GAME OF THRONES: “Dragonstone" cold open – Arya singlehandedly ends House Frey
S07E01 / HBO


AARON
37. SUPER MARIO ODYSSEY
Switch game

RUSSELL
38. CHAPO TRAP HOUSE episode 100: “Chapo Goes to College"
podcast / who is the most evil person ever to come out of Harvard?

JEFF
39. The “twist" at the end of S-TOWN episode 2
podcast


ADAM ROBOT
40. SUPERMAN's mustache
Justice League

ADAM ROBOT
41. BASKETS: “Dog Days Are Over"/fight
S02E05 / FX

JEFF
42. Sorority Noise's album YOU'RE NOT AS _____ AS YOU THINK

RUSSELL
43. The dueling “LET'S GO JESUS/JESUS SUCKS" chants at the WWE United Kingdom Championship Tournament
WWE Network

AARON
44. Alexander Skarsgård and Nicole Kidman in BIG LITTLE LIES
S01 / HBO

DREW
45. BINGE MODE
podcast

MOLLY
46. Amy Sherman-Palladino's characters being able to curse in THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL
S01 / Amazon Prime Video

JON YU
47. "CREW" by GoldLink feat. Brent Faiyaz and Shy Glizzy
song

MIKE
48. Marvel's THE PUNISHER: Frank punishes Bill
S01E13 / Netflix

WHITE JON
49. Forrest MacNeil's final REVIEW
S03E03 / Comedy Central

LOGAN
50. I GAVE YOU ALL THE CLUES / HELLO MISTER POLICE
The Snowman


LOGAN
51. BACKPACK KID and the Floss dance

WHITE JON
52. BETTER CALL SAUL: “Chicanery"
Chuck takes the stand / S03E05 / AMC

MIKE
53. SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING
film

JON YU
54. Whatever the hell it is James Franco is doing in THE DISASTER ARTIST
film

MOLLY
55. The 9/11 joke in THE BIG SICK
film

DREW
56. AMERICAN VANDAL
S01 / Netflix

AARON
57. GLOW
S01 / Netflix

RUSSELL
58. VEEP: Uncle Jeff visits Jonah in the hospital
S06E09 / HBO

JEFF
59. MADDEN NFL 18's story mode
game

ADAM ROBOT
60. LAST PODCAST ON THE LEFT episodes 285-287: Norwegian Black Metal Parts I-III
Chainsaw Gutsfuck / Orc Urinal / This Laughable Society

ADAM ROBOT
61. DETROITERS: Second business meeting meal order
S01E07 / Comedy Central


JEFF
62. LIL PEEP

RUSSELL
63. The FYRE festival

AARON
64. Meeting the Bakers [pt1/pt2] in RESIDENT EVIL 7: BIOHAZARD in VR
PSVR game

DREW
65. RIVERDALE, for both its suffocating 2017-ness and its empowerment of Cole Sprouse, the most self-aware Disney kid to date
S01+S02 / The CW

MOLLY
66. YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS' Dead Blondes series: episodes 93-105
podcast // Peg Entwistle / Thelma Todd / Jean Harlow / Veronica Lake / Carole Landis / Marilyn Monroe / Jayne Mansfield / Barbara Payton / Grace Kelly / Barbara Loden / Dorothy Stratten


JON YU
67. The action scenes in THE VILLAINESS
film

MIKE
68. LEGION: “Chapter 8"
floating metal sphere abducts David / S01E08 / FX

WHITE JON
69. Paqui's Carolina Reaper Madness ONE CHIP CHALLENGE tortilla chip being even hotter this year

LOGAN
70. MOVIEPASS

LOGAN
71. Oneohtrix Point Never's soundtrack for GOOD TIME
film


WHITE JON
72. Jeff Lemire's ROYAL CITY
comic

MIKE
73. LOGAN
film

JON YU
74. THE YOUNG POPE
S01 / HBO

MOLLY
75. THIS IS US: “Memphis"
William dies / S01E16 / NBC

DREW
76. The polite shootout between Keanu and Common in JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 2
film

AARON
77. Fortress sieges in MIDDLE-EARTH: SHADOW OF WAR
game


RUSSELL
78. FC BARCELONA's 6-1 comeback against Paris Saint-Germain to reach the UEFA Champions League quarterfinals
soccer

Jeff: Damn. Logan [73] and the polite shootout [76] were both on my list.

JEFF
79. The NASHVILLE PREDATORS' Stanley Cup playoffs run
NHL hockey

ADAM ROBOT
80. TIM AND ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB! Awesome 10-Year Anniversary Version, Great Job?
special / Adult Swim

ADAM ROBOT
81. Converge's album THE DUSK IN US

JEFF
82. BELOW DECK MEDITERRANEAN
S02 / Bravo

RUSSELL
83. HELL ON EARTH: THE RISE AND FALL OF SYRIA AND THE RISE OF ISIS
film


AARON
84. HORIZON ZERO DAWN's robot dinosaurs
PS4 game

DREW
85. MINDHUNTER's “Fly Like an Eagle" montage
S01E02 / Netflix

MOLLY
86. The raw emotion at the center of I,
TONYA
film

JON YU
87. 17776 (WHAT FOOTBALL WILL LOOK LIKE IN THE FUTURE) by Jon Bois

MIKE
88. BOJACK HORSEMAN: “Ruthie"
Princess Carolyn's bad day / S04E09 / Netflix

WHITE JON
89. THE BINDING OF ISAAC: AFTERBIRTH+
Switch game


LOGAN
90. JUICERO

FINAL ROUND BLIND PICK TWIST
Along with your final pick, please select something from 2017 that you have yet to experience as of December 13, 2017.

LOGAN
91. LA LA LAND as Best Picture
The 89th Academy Awards / ABC
+ THE SHAPE OF WATER

WHITE JON
92. ROOM 104: “Voyeurs"
the dance episode / S01E06 / HBO
+ STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI

MIKE
93. The “Father Figure" fight in ATOMIC BLONDE
film
+ DOWNSIZING

JON YU
94. Brockhampton's SATURATION album trilogy
Saturation / Saturation II / Saturation III
+ BRIMSTONE AND GLORY

MOLLY
95. Television discovers MARGARET ATWOOD
The Handmaid's Tale / Alias Grace
+ JEAN-CLAUDE VAN JOHNSON s01

DREW
96. Jay Som's album EVERYBODY WORKS
+ BRIGHT

AARON
97. METROID: SAMUS RETURNS
3DS game
+ CALL ME BY YOUR NAME

RUSSELL
98. BABY DRIVER's parking garage battle set to Queen's “Brighton Rock"
film
+ BLACK MIRROR s04

JEFF
99. STRANGER THINGS 2's Snow Ball
S02E09 / Netflix
+ RESIDENT EVIL 7: BIOHAZARD – Not a Hero DLC

ADAM ROBOT
100. BITCOIN
+ PHANTOM THREAD

UNDRAFTED
Insecure
It
Kendrick Lamar
LaVar Ball
Master of None
Omega vs. Okada
Persona 5

BONUS: DRAFT GRADES
I felt bad for bumping Stan from the league in order to expand its geographic coverage [next year?], so I invited him to grade each participant's draft.


Click to view the draft by team plus Stan's grades for each team.

Eater's Digest: December 14-15, 2017

on

Los Angeles, CA
broken mouth / pbj.la / the mighty / salt and straw

(PBJ.LA) makes unique Uncrustables:


Focaccia Sandwich (The Mighty)
fennel sausage and porchetta sandwich, apple fennel jam, harissa aioli, arugula


Rice Crispy Cookie (The Mighty)

Caramelized Grapefruit Eggnog Ice Cream (Salt and Straw)
custardy eggnog ice cream made with black rum, vanilla, nutmeg and cinnamon; homemade grapefruit jam made by caramelizing fresh pink grapefruit juice

Sushi Rice Tots (Sumo Dog)
—Mini yaki onigiri?

Chedd-cha (Little Fluffy Head Café)
iced matcha latte topped with cheddar cheese cream

San Francisco, CA
wise sons jewish delicatessen / rooster and rice / villon

I like (Wise Sons)' Bittersweet Chocolate Babka, but the size of a slice keeps decreasing.


Everything Hawaiian Bread (Villon)
cultured butter, market preserves, strawberry chicken liver mousse

^ The "everything" doesn't add anything.


Tuna Tartare (Villon)
crispy chicken, deviled egg, micro onion

^ Raw fish and deviled egg on chicken skin.


Warm Beignets (Villon)
lime posset, butternut, coffee

^ Ethereal doughnuts confusingly served with a bowl of mousse-like lime cream with butternut squash and coffee.


Baby Back Ribs (Villon)
feuilles de brique, nuoc mam cham

#eatersdigest