Adam Riff™

26. Roller's Funeral (Claws, S01E02)

Honourable Mention

• Stephen A. Smith Goes After Phil Jackson (Desus and Mero, 06-22-17)
• Training montage (GLOW, S01E07)

Stray Observations

• "You don't pay a whore to bang; you pay her to leave." (Claws, S01E02)
• RT: BRB. Encasing my monitor in wood then installing a series of motors that will allow it to sink into my desk. (Twin Peaks, S03E07)
• "What'd you say your name was again?"
  "Tammy."
  "Fuck you, Tammy." (Twin Peaks, S03E07)

(Twin Peaks, S03E07)

• ♫: Brian Reitzell and Debbie Harry – "Tehran 1979" (American Gods, S01E08)
• "There is no end to the cruelty of men threatened by strong women." (American Gods, S01E08)
• "Jesus Christ. Are they all Jesuses?" (American Gods, S01E08)
• Jeremy Davies as Jesus Prime (American Gods, S01E08)
• "I swear to Jesus. He's right outside." (American Gods, S01E08)
• "What do you think gods do? They do what they've always done – they fuck with us." (American Gods, S01E08)
• "Put a pillow over that feeling and bear down until it stops kicking." (American Gods, S01E08)
• "You should be thrilled, overjoyed, that anyone believes in anything that doesn't have a screen anymore." (American Gods, S01E08)
• "Tell the believers and the non-believers, tell them we've taken the spring. They can have it back when they pray for it." (American Gods, S01E08)
• American Gods Season Grade: B-
• "Don't you need a visa to go to China?"
  "Yes. I can call my uncle in Beijing. He's very corrupt." (Silicon Valley, S04E09)
• Flula Borg (Silicon Valley, S04E09)

(Silicon Valley, S04E09)

• "Wasn't the original title of their chart-topping hit 'Virtual Insanity'? Why is he singing 'Virtual Reality'?" (Silicon Valley, S04E09)
• "Ma'am, the producer of The Tonight Show thought it would be fun if you—"
  "No, you know what? Nothing's fun on that show." (Veep, S06E09)
• "I've been fired three times in my life: From the U.S. Postal Service Office of Investigations, by the Seattle Seahawks, and by Jonah Ryan."
  "Maybe we could start a new business, take our shit show on the road."
  "Yeah, easier than explaining yards after the catch to Steve Largent." (Veep, S06E09)
• "Wishes belong in the bottom of a well with unwanted girl children." (Veep, S06E09)
• "Who is this tranny knuckle-dragger? Somebody you hired to make sure you don't get erections?"
  "That tranny knuckle-dragger is my fiancé!" (Veep, S06E09)
• The Tonight Show with Adam Scott (Veep, S06E09)
• Better Call Saul Season Grade: B-
• "Would like like sparkling water or still?"
  "Now why would you even ask? Of course we'd like the spaahhkling. Mmm! It takes like healthy Sprite!" (The Carmichael Show, S03E05)
• "At some level, food knows it's food." (Fargo, S03E10)
• "It is a dangerous world for men of standing. Human beings, you see, have no inherent value other than the money they earn. Cats have value, for example, because they provide pleasure to the humans. But a deadbeat on welfare? Well, they have negative value." (Fargo, S03E10)
• Fargo Season Grade: B-
• Annie's boobs (GLOW, S01E01)
• "The Over-Madames have lied to you. Men are real. We can restore the world to the way it was before the war and women's lib." (GLOW, S01E03)
• "No, I'm Kuntar, a vision of hideousness." (GLOW, S01E03)
• Welfare Queen wearing a Burger King crown (GLOW, S01E03)
• End credits ♫: ??? (GLOW, S01E03)
• "But what if your gimmick is hugging people?" (GLOW, S01E04)
• Carlito (GLOW, S01E04)
• "A survey? About mayonnaise? I always have time for condiments." (GLOW, S01E05)
• "The heel makes the face." (GLOW, S01E05)
• "You know, I'm sure when people read your zine, not everyone thinks it's art."
  "Hey, Agnostic Toad is fucking awesome." (GLOW, S01E06)
• "Oh, I didn't know you were Jewish."
  "I wear a giant chai."
  "Oh… I thought that was a cat." (GLOW, S01E06)
• Carlito holding an apple (GLOW, S01E07)
• "Not looking good for the white supremacists." (GLOW, S01E07)
• "The money's in the chase" (GLOW, S01E10)
• GLOW Season Grade: B

(Loaded, S01E02)

• "Watto, if you want a band, just buy one."
  "Buy a band?"
  "He's right. You probably couldn't buy Coldplay, or the Counting Crows, but Weezer… I bet you could buy yourself Weezer." (Loaded, S01E02)
• "In this country, we all hate Bono."
  "Yeah, I don't even remember why. It's just something you get handed down." (Loaded, S01E02)
• "We got our own little hipster Bono."
  "That is the worst collection of words in the world." (Loaded, S01E02)
• "Do you promise you'll go back to Jeff if I buy you cocaine?" (Loaded, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek

25. David Bowie followed me on Twitter / Stones do Shakespeare (The Trip [to Spain], S03E03/04)

Honourable Mention

• Little person ice pick hitman (Twin Peaks, S03E06)
• Mark's football analogies (Masterchef, S08E03)
• Ice cream on the toilet (Fargo, S03E09)

Stray Observations

• "My first studio apartment was a cozy uterus." (Bob's Burgers, S07E22)
• Diane! (Twin Peaks, S03E06)
• RT: The ice pick hit man in this week's Twin Peaks was staying at the same motel Gloria Burgle was at earlier this season of Fargo (Twin Peaks, S03E06)
• ♫: Sharon Van Etten – "Tarifa" (Twin Peaks, S03E06)
• "I was a king once."
  "Okay."
  "I was. Then they made me a bird. Then Mother Church came along and turned us all into saints, and trolls, and faeries. General Mills did the rest." (American Gods, S01E07)
• "Oh, I didn't know you had a brother."
  "Bruce was his stillborn twin."
  "He had a huge heart."
  "Missing all its valves, though." (Veep, S06E08)
• "9-11, bitches! We're gonna fly two planes into the club!" (Veep, S06E08)
• "Dan, you've heard the old saying, 'You gotta keep your friends close and make your enemies take you out to Guy Fieri's restaurant in Times Square'?" (Veep, S06E08)
• "He said he talked to Quartie, who said he took to you like a hog to persimmons."
  "Is that a good thing?"
  "Well, they cause diarrhea in hogs." (Veep, S06E08)
• The Handmaid's Tale Season Grade: C+
• "The problem is not that there is evil in the world; the problem is that there is good. Because otherwise, who would care?" (Fargo, S03E09)
• "When she said he makes chorizo like his grandmother, is that what she looked like?"
  "No, Rob. It means the way his grandmother used to make it."
  "Fine, well, I think she should be more clear, because I'm picturing a grizzled old woman with the external appearance of chorizo." (The Trip [to Spain], S03E02)
• "I was a grown man before I felt a firm sprout in my mouth." (The Trip [to Spain], S03E03)
• "Eddie Redmayne, the name, is the sort of name that an upper middle class girl would give to her pony. 'Father [it's a chestnut mare], may I ride Eddie Redmayne this weekend?' 'You may, darling. Would you like me to get Mr. Hiddleston out of the stable too?" (The Trip [to Spain], S03E04)
• The Trip [to Spain] Season Grade: C-

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek

• E3 Cringe and Awkward Moments 2017