Aporia

on

Rory: What do Sean Connery, Ben Kingsley, and Patrick Stewart have in common?
Jon: They've all been knighted.
Rory: Yes, and…
Jon: And…? Are we improvising? I…
Rory: They've all voiced Draco in an Dragonheart film!
Jon: Ah-so…
Rory: Did you know that four Dragonheart films exist? The original, a direct-to-video sequel, and two direct-to-video prequels.
Rory: The Dragonheart franchise has spanned three decades.

Jon: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragonheart#Legacy
Jon: "Dragonheart is now considered a cult classic."
Jon: It is?
Jon: "On various days throughout the year in Toronto, a fully restored '20th anniversary edition' of Dragonheart with never-before-seen footage, enhanced visual effects, and a digitally remastered soundtrack is screened at the AMC Yonge & Dundas 24 theatre."
Jon: WHAT?!

Rory: Dragonheart 5: Michael Caine.
Rory: Draco: She was only 16 years old!
Jon: That reminds me… I need to watch The Trip to Spain.

Don't drown in the brown, just drown in the sound

on

Jackie Chan Action Movie Week is set to return with a selection of 20 cutting-edge contemporary action flicks from around the world in a program overseen by Chan himself. [source]

Did you know that Jackie Chan annually curates a week of action movies?

I'm surprised that enough cutting-edge contemporary action flicks exist for him to curate 20 or so annually.

The 2015 Jackie Chan Action Movie Week line-up was solid.

The 2016 one…not so much.

The Raid 2 lost "best fight" to sodding Wolf Warrior?!

related:

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

24. Pine Barrens (Fargo, S03E08)

Honourable Mention

  • Trippin' Becky (Twin Peaks, S03E05)
  • Ed Chambers (Silicon Valley, S04E07)
  • Bowling Alley (Fargo, S03E08)

Stray Observations

  • "People hold candles, Nora." (The Leftovers, S03E08)
  • ♫: Otis Redding – "I've Got Dreams to Remember" (The Leftovers, S03E08)
  • "It's great that your newlyweds believe that a bird with a range of 50 miles is gonna carry their stupid poetry to Timbuktu, but don't sell that bullshit to me."
    "I'm not trying to sell you anything. It's just a nicer story." (The Leftovers, S03E08)
  • RT: the end credits rolled to the sound of pachelbel's canon and it didn't feel cheesy. this is skillful. (The Leftovers, S03E08)
  • The Leftovers Season Grade: B+
  • "I've done the math. This times that equals you're a cunt, divided by the only way I'm gonna get what I need is if you give it to me, equals the only way you're gonna give it to me is if you don't need it. Like my friend Jesus Christ, the only thing you need, dead wife, is resurrection."
    "Did you just name-drop Jesus Christ like you know a guy who knows a guy?" (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "There's always been a god-shaped hole in man's head." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "Religion inspires in those who fear nothing fear of the gods, and using that fear requires a certain element of fucked up." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "Did you have a genie in your bottle?" (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "Shame is the reason dead people only go out at night." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "Your kind of love, dead wife, is the grandest butt-fuckin' of 'em all. You can love somebody even when you know they don't like it, even when you know they don't want it. That's some profound knowledge for you right there, wrapped up in a quaint sexual metaphor." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "Neutral, in the face of injustice, is on the side of the oppressor." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • "God is great."
    "Life is great." (American Gods, S01E06)
  • Mr. C's face warping into Bob's (Twin Peaks, S03E05)
  • Frank discovering green tea lattes (Twin Peaks, S03E05)


(Twin Peaks, S03E05)

  • "Limp Biscuit's an old frat ritual, where all the brothers race to stroke one out onto a biscuit, and then the last guy to nut has to eat it."
    "Right. Sometimes it's a Wheat Thin." (Silicon Valley, S04E07)
  • "May I borrow this hammer to pound in these flamboyant little nails?"
    "Those are screws." (Silicon Valley, S04E07)
  • When Kim shuts the door to her office, Francesca pulling out a travel magazine, only to quickly hide it again when Kim unexpectedly re-appears (Better Call Saul, S03E08)
  • "But ma, you used to be so active. You had all those hobbies."
    "Oh, I didn't like that stuff, I just wanted to get out the house to keep your father from beating me. Trust me, every woman in a pottery class is crying out for help." (The Carmichael Show, S03E03)
  • "Grandma wants to go out on top. I mean, wouldn't you have rather seen Michael Jordan retire after hitting that three-pointer against the Jazz in '98 instead of seeing this dude way past his prime in a Wizards jersey? Don't make grandma play for the Wizards." (The Carmichael Show, S03E03)
  • "When we meet Jesus, we're all one. Jesus doesn't see colour."
    "So what colour do you think Jesus is?"
    "Well, I don't really think he's white, but I don't really think he's black either."
    "So you're saying Jesus look like Drake?" (The Carmichael Show, S03E03)
  • Top Chef Canada Season Grade: C+

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Fargo
The New AR™TV World Comedy Champion: The Carmichael Show

#clipoftheweek

Bro Safari

on

After a chance meeting with billionaire Bruce Wayne, Elmer Fudd's obsession quickly escalates into stalking Batman through the dark alleys and high-class social settings of Gotham City. Welcome to Bat Season! [source]

McKern: There are others.
McKern: Jonah Hex/Yosemite Sam, Lobo/Road Runner, Martian Manhunter/Marvin the Martian…

McKern:

Jon: Instead of a monster universe, Universal should've pursued an Image cinematic universe.
McKern: The rights are too spread out. It'd be a licensing nightmare.
Jon: A worthwhile one in my opinion, and you only need a few rights.
Jon: Spawn, Savage Dragon, Youngblood…
Jon: Turok.

Jon: Why did I think Turok was an Image character?
Jon: Universal should acquire film rights to Turok anyway and work him into its Jurassic franchise.

Jon: WWE and Universal are partners.
Jon: A WWE cinematic universe – films inspired by WWE superstars.
Jon: The Undertaker, Ultimate Warrior, Finn Bálor…
Steven: I would love to see La Parka or Doink.
Jon: Heh. Gimmicks of the Galaxy.

Jon: Superman/Million Dollar Man, Batman/Broken Matt Hardy, Wonder Woman/Mankind…

The Coke can in the shower

on

Another highlight of this year's festival are three films that celebrate Japan's unique "Roman Porno" genre, each having their North American premieres: Aroused by Gymnopedies, Dawn of the Felines, and Wet Woman in the Wind.

Nikkatsu, Japan's oldest film studio, is celebrating 45 years since they birthed the softcore Roman Porno genre (roman derives from the French word for novel). Invented to save a dying industry, they gave carte blanche to directors with minimal rules: keep it under 80 minutes with a sex scene every ten. This allowed for wild stream of consciousness works of both the highest and lowest caliber.

Now, Nikkatsu has enlisted top contemporary talent for the Roman Porno Reboot Project, taking the provocative, envelope-pushing format to a whole new level.

Hashtag Project Greenlight season five.

related:

Eater's Digest: Charlotte, NC

on

May 2017
bojangles' famous chicken 'n biscuits / soul gastrolounge / dish / price's chicken coop / sabor latin street grill / sunflour baking company / amélie's french bakery / the king's kitchen / ru ru's tacos and tequila / zaxby's / bojangles' / imani's fusion cafe / zablong / laurel market / midwood smokehouse / the asbury / tin kitchen / the cowfish / the improper pig / cantina 1511 / suárez bakery / seoul food meat co. / king of pops / bojangles'


The "Extra Napkins Please" Sandwich (The Improper Pig)
smoked cajun andouille topped with french fries, smothered with house-made pimento cheese, and sprinkled with scallions; served in a hoagie roll

^ I have a feeling we're not in California anymore.

The sausage was tough.

Shrimp Po Boy Taco (Cantina 1511)
crispy hush-puppy-dusted shrimp with shaved romaine, escabeche tartar sauce, cholula, and fresh roma tomatoes
—A fried shrimp taco, but sweet.


Asian Glazed Pork Belly Tacos (Soul Gastrolounge)
on flour tortillas with watermelon salsa

^ Do it for the 'gram, not for ease of eating.


Dirty South Nachos (Soul Gastrolounge)
fried chicken skin "chips" with a pimento cheese fondue and jalapeño pickled okra

^ Too much cheese fondue for my liking.


Ramen Bowl (Soul Gastrolounge)
noodles tossed in a garlic cream, with braised veal cheeks, goat cheese fried mushrooms, veal glace, and caramelized onion powder

^ Divine veal cheeks, delectable goat cheese fried mushrooms, undercooked noodles.

Duck Banh Fit (Soul Gastrolounge)
foie gras pate, ham-cured duck breast, chili-glazed duck confit, daikon and carrot salad, fresh jalapeño aioli, on a toasted french baguette
—I would never guess that this is a play on a banh mi.

Anchovy Fries (Soul Gastrolounge)
fresh fried whole anchovies with tomato-lemon tartar sauce

Dominican Nachos (Sabor Latin Street Grill)
yuca fries with shredded chicken sauteed with tomato and onion, topped with pico, cabbage cotija cheese, and rosada
—The yuca fries in Sabor's Instagram photo look like fries. What I received was five or six yuca logs.

Arepa (Sabor Latin Street Grill)
venezuelan-style white maize cake filled with shredded chicken, diced tomato, onion, cheese, and rosada sauce
—A surprisingly satisfying arepa sandwich.


Mercado Sandwich (Laurel Market)
roasted turkey, bacon, chipotle pepper spread, pepper jack cheese, lettuce, and tomato

^ One of the best sandwiches I have ever eaten.


The Tripping Goat Pizza (Zablong)
mushroom truffle, roasted local mushroom blend, crumbled goat cheese, fig marsala, crushed red pepper oil, cracked black pepper

^ One of the best pizzas I have ever eaten.

Banana Pudding (Midwood Smokehouse)
—One of the best banana puddings I have ever eaten.

Creamed Potatoes and Gravy (The King's Kitchen)
—One of the best mashed potatoes and gravy I have ever eaten.

// walking toward (The King's Kitchen)
Jon: Wait, is this a Christian restaurant?


Sausage Soufflé (The Asbury)
custard-soaked biscuits, herbs, fontina, sausage

^ "Soufflé" is misleading. It's more of a bread pudding.


Sticky Biscuits (The Asbury)
country ham, goat cheese icing

Maw Maw's Cast Iron Biscuits (The Asbury)
bacon jam
–Lotta biscuit for brunch this day.

BBQ Scallops and Octopus (The Asbury)
poached egg, spring veggies, confit san marzano tomato vinaigrette
—Like, two scallops and three baby octopuses.

Deviled Crawfish Salad Sammy (The Asbury)
'nduja aioli, ember-roasted spring vegetables

(The Cowfish) is a "sushi burger bar."

In its washrooms plays a Pimsleur tape parody translating Japanese and redneck. I chuckled.


The Deliverance Roll – Southern Style Bar-B-Q-shi (The Cowfish)
pulled pork, caramelized onion, and bbq sauce wrapped in soy paper and potato strings, then flash-fried; topped with house-made bacon coleslaw and chives

^ Fried pulled pork sushi.


The 4-S [Sear-iously Sensational Sushi Sandwich] (The Cowfish)
seared koji-marinated tuna and yellowtail, asian slaw, red peppers, daikon sprouts, cucumber, served on grilled spring roll wrapper "buns" filled with kani and sushi rice; served with a side of sambal sesame soy

^ Its buns are grilled spring roll wrappers filled with rice and imitation crab:

(Seoul Food Meat Co.) is "southern BBQ with heavy Korean inspiration."

// selecting a protein
Jon: What is Fire Chicken?
Server: It's spicy grilled chicken with melted cheese on top.
Jon: The chicken is covered with cheese?
Server: Yes.
Jon: Okay, I'll have the crispy pork belly.

Crispy Pork Belly (Seoul Food Meat Co.)
—Crispy!


Fire Chicken (Seoul Food Meat Co.) looks like Taco Bell.

Sides were a mixed bag.

Sriracha Cracklins (Seoul Food Meat Co.)
—The pork rind kind of cracklins [no meat attached] dusted with a chili powder.


Ram n' Cheese (Seoul Food Meat Co.)

^ Mac and cheese with ramen as the mac.

Should be a ham and cheese sandwich with ramen as the bread, no? Croque ramensieur.


Pimento Corn Cheese (Seoul Food Meat Co.)

^ I mean… Cream cheese and corn with shrimp chips?!

ORTS

Bo-tato Rounds (Bojangles')
savory potatoes, fried to a golden brown with just the tiniest hint of onion
—Why haven't other fast food chains ripped these off?

Grilled Chicken (Zaxby's)
—"Why can't I stop eating this chicken?" I wondered. Then I realized: "Because it's salty as fuck."

Chana Masala Taco (Tin Kitchen)
stewed chickpeas and mirepoix in coconut curry sauce over kachumber cous cous, topped with crumbled goat cheese

Coleslaw (Midwood Smokehouse)
—A good, clean, slightly spicy slaw.

MISSED CONNECTIONS


The Doughnut (Stoke)
brioche dough, diplomat cream, heath bar crumble

^ It weighs one pound.


Banana Pudding Layered Pancakes (Tupelo Honey)
sweet potato pancakes, foster rum sauce

The No. 6 Bowl (Earl's Grocery)
duck confit and beet hash, farm egg, barrel slaw, tko sauce

Korean Dipped Chicken Biscuit (Earl's Grocery)
fried chicken breast, sweet and spicy sesame dip, seoul pickle aioli, house white lilly flour biscuit

Shortcake Salad (Earl's Grocery)
grilled chicken, mixed greens, strawberries, nc goat cheese, walnuts, biscuit croutons, champagne vinaigrette

(The Mayobird) is a restaurant that specializes in…chicken salad. Choose from 16 different chicken salads.

Flavors of Chicken Pot Pie (The Asbury)
whipped potatoes, spring vegetables, biscuit, roasted lemon jus

Shrimp and Grits (The Asbury)
coconut and green curry rice grits, roasted mushrooms, tomato broth

The Nature Boy's WOOOOO-shi BuffalOOOOO-shi Roll (The Cowfish)
sautéed chipotle bison, fried green tomato, grilled onions, feta cheese inside; coated with tempura flakes; topped with fresh green tomato, chipotle aioli, diced tomato, red onion, jalapeño pepper

Cody Zeller's "Hoop, There It is!" Burger (The Cowfish)
half-pound beef burger with hoop cheese and fried pork tenderloin, lettuce, pickles, and sweet indiana mustard sauce; brioche bun

Baked Alaska (Essex Bar and Bistro)
layers of strawberry, mango, and caramel gelato with vanilla cake, covered in toasted italian meringue, served with caramel sauce and candied almonds
—Intriguing trio of ice creams.

Sweet Tea and Lemonade Ice Pop (King of Pops)
Blackberry Banana Ice Pop (King of Pops)
Herbs de Provence Ice Pop (King of Pops)

#eatersdigest

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

23. Wally Brando (Twin Peaks, S03E04)

Honourable Mention

  • Animated Atsula prologue (American Gods, S01E05)
  • Mr. Jackpots (Twin Peaks, S03E03)
  • Bobby crying at seeing Laura (Twin Peaks, S03E04)

Stray Observations

  • "You know what they say about grief: Next to every cemetery is a motel." (American Gods, S01E05)
  • Gillian Anderson as David Bowie (American Gods, S01E05)
  • "Give me my fucking coin, dead wife." (American Gods, S01E05)
  • "You're a fucking asshole, dead wife." (American Gods, S01E05)
  • Gillian Anderson as Marilyn Monroe (American Gods, S01E05)
  • Media knocking out two of Technical Boy's teeth with a blown kiss (American Gods, S01E05)
  • ♫: Brian Reitzell and Shirley Manson – "Media Bowie" (American Gods, S01E05)
  • ♫: Original main title (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • Penis scanner (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • "Mr. President, due to advancements in plastic surgery, anyone with enough resources can copy a person's face. But your, uh, your penis, sir, well, they're not gonna go to that length." (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • Penis thud (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • "The code is 6969." (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • "What's happening? What was that noise?"
    "I don't know. You tell me. You're God."
    "That was just a pick-up line." (The Leftovers, S03E07)
  • ♫: The Beach Boys – "God Only Knows" (The Leftovers, S03E07)


(The Leftovers, S03E07)

  • "Donut disturb" sign (Twin Peaks, S03E03)
  • "You eat the evidence, Lucy?" (Twin Peaks, S03E03)
  • Brett Gelman (Twin Peaks, S03E04)
  • "We're not anywhere near Mount Rushmore!"
    "I brought a picture for you."
    "There they are, Albert. Faces of stone." (Twin Peaks, S03E04)
  • "Agent Preston gets carsick."
    "Albert, we're in South Dakota. Cossacks are in Russia." (Twin Peaks, S03E04)
  • "This is what we found in his trunk: Cocaine, machine gun, dog leg." (Twin Peaks, S03E04)
  • "Why do I have an e-mail for the Anton LaVey fun run?" (Silicon Valley, S04E06)
  • Haley Joel Osment (Silicon Valley, S04E06)
  • ♫: Too $hort × Meter Mobb – "You Came to Party" (Silicon Valley, S04E06)
  • "We need to do something, something big, that makes Montez really pay attention to us."
    "Cutting aid to veterans!"
    "Great! They volunteered, right?" (Veep, S06E07)
  • "Do you want me to 69 him?"
    [pause] "W— Oh, 86." (Veep, S06E07)
  • "Maybe you were too busy biting James Bond's cable car wire to realize." (Veep, S06E07)
  • The Americans Season Grade: C-
  • Man licking the stump of a woman punished with the loss of her hand (The Handmaid's Tale, S01E08)
  • "Bobby, I didn't raise you to be no raper." (The Carmichael Show, S03E01)
  • "Rape or no rape, I think it's rude not to return a text." (The Carmichael Show, S03E01)
  • "You are a sweet boy. You wouldn't even rape a fly." (The Carmichael Show, S03E01)
  • "I mean, I'm not a rapist, but I'm bad at sex. This moment is really bittersweet." (The Carmichael Show, S03E01)
  • "Thank you for your service, you arrogant deadbeat dad." (The Carmichael Show, S03E02)
  • Forms (Fargo, S03E07)

The New AR™TV World Drama Champion: Twin Peaks
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Baskets

#clipoftheweek

Is our children learning?

on

Two days ago at the boy and girl's school:

—Fart Squad?

Something fishy is going on in Buttzville. And it's up to Darren and his three farting friends to combine their potty powers to get to the bottom of this evil plot—before it's too late. With their scent-sei, Janitor Stan, at their side, the Fart Squad has to learn to harness the powers between their butt cheeks. [source]

[pause]

—Oh, it's a series!

Fart Squad #6: Blast from the Past
The Fart Squad must travel back in time to rescue the Golden Scratcher before Harry Buttz can get his hands on it—and leave the world in an itchy mess.

One day ago on the internet:

—The Butt Detective?

—Popular children's book series in Japan…

The Butt Detective behaves like a perfect English gentleman, except that his face looks like a butt, and he blows farts from his face! [source]

Each title begins with the phrase 'Pu pu!' which means 'Fart fart!'

Titles in the series include 'Fart, Fart! The Riddle of The Disappearing Lunch Box' and 'Fart, Fart! The Little Police Chief's Big Problem.'

Today in cinemas:

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie opens.

Occasionally Achieving Greatness

on

Previously on Adam Riff™:

Apropos of nothing, I re-scored The Leftovers' opening credits with Katy Perry's "Chained to the Rhythm":


"I Don't Wanna Live Forever" didn't work.

related:

Another Day of Sun

on

Jon: Why are at least half of the toilets in the boys' washroom always filled with poop? Your school bills itself as a "school for gifted children." How gifted can your schoolmates be if they don't know how to flush a fucki—a freakin' toilet?

The boy and girl finish school on Thursday.

The boy is almost my height, and his voice has noticeably deepened.

The girl now answers most questions with "I dunno…"

Jon: What is that?
The girl: I dunno…
Jon: You don't know what you made yourself?