Adam Riff™

49. Pasta Bañana (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E07)

Honourable Mention

• Shootout (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)

Stray Observations

• "So what's everybody's Christmas plans?"
  "I'm going to treat myself to a new penis." (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)
• "Hey, where did all the tiny candy canes go? Augie…"
  "What? I needed them for my tiny candy cane trees."
  "But how the hell will my candy cripples walk?" (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)
• "You're carolers, right? I love carolers."
  "Love killing them, or…?"
  "What?"
  "Nothing." (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)
• "What's happening?"
  "We're pointing guns at each other's gingerbread houses, obviously."
  "Where were you even hiding that?"
  "Let's just say I have a high butt crack." (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)
• "Okay, now you say something nice about me."
  "You have pretty…eye?" (Bob's Burgers, S07E07)
• Kevin's pronunciation of "ouroboros" (Shameless, S07E09)
• "I do not show love regular. I show by doing. I fix bar. I watch kids. I cook. I give oral. I protect from dangerous Russian. Everything for these two."
  "Kev and Vee, are you hearing Lana?"
  "Yes."
  "What is she saying?"
  "She gives oral." (Shameless, S07E09)
• William McPoyle-ing (Westworld, S01E09)
• "If you were to proclaim your humanity to the world, what do you imagine would greet you? A ticker tape parade, perhaps? We humans are alone in this world for a reason. We murdered and butchered anything that challenged our primacy. Do you know what happened to the Neanderthals, Bernard? We ate them. We destroyed and subjugated our world. And when we eventually ran out of creatures to dominate, we built this beautiful place." (Westworld, S01E09)
• "The piano doesn't murder the player if it doesn't like the music." (Westworld, S01E09)
• "Never place your trust in us. We're only human. Inevitably, we will disappoint you." (Westworld, S01E09)
• "So, uhh, should I play some music or something like that? I have, like, a week left on my trial subscription to Tidal…" (Insecure, S01E08)
• "Sorry for making this about me."
  "Yeah, make it about it's my birthday. It'll be about you if you get hit or have a baby." (Insecure, S01E08)
• "Damn her pussy fat." (Insecure, S01E08)
• "Is that why Lawrence hit you?" (Insecure, S01E08)
• Insecure Season Grade: B-
• "Never meet your heroes. Marie Callender was a real bitch." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
• "I know it sounds crazy, but the Caribbean might be more fun than Iowa."
  "In what universe?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
• "You pantsing Patrick Ewing has nothing to do with this." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
• "I don't need Monty Hall ruining my place of work when Monty Hall has already ruined my home life." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
• "BO-O-O-O-NE!" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
• "The council of the cousins."
  "Look at them. It's like a beige of pigs." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
• "How many Knicks have you pantsed?" (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
• "You always smell just a little bit like vanilla."
  "That's my soap. I got it at Lush." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E08)
• "Ohh, this was a double-edged coin." (New Girl, S06E08)
• They shot at Costco but couldn't use an actual Costco card as a prop? (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E06)
• "Oh, dad!"
  "Yes?"
  "Oh, sorry. That's my default way of speaking. I meant 'Ohh, dad…'" (Fresh Off the Boat, S03E06)
• "Mom, you said you'd be out here 10 minutes ago."
  "I'm getting JJ dressed, okay?"
  "JJ's right here."
  "Okay, fine, I was doing a maze." (Speechless, S01E08)
• "Wow, so your boy got himself a snowflake."
  "Yup."
  "And, he didn't even have to become a professional athlete." (Black-ish, S03E08)
• "We want it to look like the VIP lounge at American Airlines."
  "I have $62."
  "Fine. Delta Airlines." (Black-ish, S03E08)
• "So you mean to tell me that you have two John Mayer tickets on you at all times."
  "At all times. They tried to offer me Dave Matthews tickets, but I don't want a woman that white." (Black-ish, S03E08)
• "A group of Korean women is called a 'raft.'" (Black-ish, S03E08)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek

48. Kelly vs. Evil Ash Puppet (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E08)

Stray Observations

• "Well, our boyfriend is coming over any minute, and he has a Bowflex!" (Bob's Burgers, S07E05)
• "Okay, Gene, I have a plan."
  "Great. I have diarrhea." (Bob's Burgers, S07E05)
• "Oh, God. I think I just bisqued my pants." (Bob's Burgers, S07E05)
• Pablo! (Ash vs. Evil Dead, S02E08)
• "It's just bad and boring, like avocado toast." (Bob's Burgers, S07E06)
• "Everyone likes stanzas." (Bob's Burgers, S07E06)
• "Gene, when you said, 'Tina, your play's got the goods,' and you said 'goods' like it had a 'z' at the end, that was just a bunch of crap?"
  "I never should have put that 'z' on the end. That's my biggest regret in all of this mezz."
• "Don't get your pubes in a tube."
  "I will get my pubes in a tube! We should all get our pubes in a tube!" (Bob's Burgers, S07E06)
• "I feel like my soul has diarrhea." (Bob's Burgers, S07E06)
• "But now those birds with perfect bodies / are decapitated hotties." (Bob's Burgers, S07E06)
• ♫: The Delta Riggs – "No Friends" (Shameless, S07E08)
• RT: Carl is terrible at throwing darts because he only has one eye. (The Walking Dead, S07E05)
• "He's a coward. They're more dangerous." (The Walking Dead, S07E05)

(The Walking Dead, S07E05)

• "I'm a killer. My God, my God…"
  "God has nothing to do with it. You killed her because…I told you to." (Westworld, S01E08)
• RT: The Man in Black is trying to make his way to the center of a maze, so of course he and Teddy have to fight a man dressed as a minotaur on their way there. (Westworld, S01E08)
• "There is no threshold that makes us greater than the sum of our parts, no inflection point at which we become fully alive. We can't define consciousness because consciousness does not exist. Humans fancy that there's something special about the way we perceive the world, and yet we live in loops as tight and as closed as the hosts do, seldom questioning our choices, content, for the most part, to be told what to do next. No, my friend, you're not missing anything at all." (Westworld, S01E08)
• "Jackie Chan is too thirsty." (Insecure, S01E07)
• "Let's do the nigga rundown." (Insecure, S01E07)
• Titus doing the #UNameItChallenge (WWE Raw, 11-21-16)
• RT: Titus sees Enzo's cock, Enzo tells him "no pictures." They're just ribbing the fuck out of Titus at this point. (WWE Raw, 11-21-16)
• "I'll tell you whose fault it is…"
  "Roman Reigns!" (WWE Raw, 11-21-16)
• Jericho wearing Sin Cara's mask [and a Nakamura hoodie] (WWE Raw, 11-21-16)
• "Pretty big night. The three most important men in your life under one roof."
  "Well, Will Shortz isn't here…"
  "Ah. Burn on Holt…probably." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S04E07)
• "These knives are a part of me, like that, uhh, scissorhand guy. What is his name again? Is it Rick Snip?" (New Girl, S06E07)
• Crazyhead Season Grade: C
• "I grabbed a little guac to help me cool off while Antonio continued to put it in the mitt." (Jon Glaser Loves Gear, S01E06)
• ♫: "Since U Been Gone" (Search Party, S01E03)
• Damn, Michael Showalter got fat (Search Party, S01E05)

The ending! (Search Party, S01E10)

• Search Party Season Grade: C+

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: Stranger Things
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Atlanta

#clipoftheweek