Nomad

on

I received a call last Monday while in Washington, D.C.

J: Hey, when are you scheduled to fly home from New York City?
Jon: Next Monday.
J: Can you fly to Los Angeles instead? I need you here.
Jon: For how long?
J: Indefinitely? When is TIFF? Can you fly to Toronto from Los Angeles?
Jon: What? No. I can't be on the road for five weeks straight! I only packed for one week.

I negotiated my time in Los Angeles down to "until Labor Day weekend."

Last Wednesday while in Washington, D.C….

Jon: Hey, what's your wi-fi network?
Jon Wilcox: "BD's Mongolian WiFi."
Jon: Oh, heh. That's why my phone has been asking for the password to "BD's Mongolian WiFi" all night. I thought it was a bug. "I don't recall passing a BD's Mongolian Grill today…"

There are no Panda Expresses in China, but there is a BD's Mongolian Grill in Mongolia.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

34. The Great Red Dragon bites Chilton's lips off (Hannibal, S03E12)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Humans Season Grade: D
  • Maalox and Stoli (Show Me a Hero, S01E02)
  • "Shut up, Hamurai. Shut up, Amish Cyborg. What is this, '90s Conan?" (Rick and Morty, S02E04)
  • "AIDS!" (Rick and Morty, S02E04)
  • "My dick got chopped off. Like gristle off a Thanksgiving turkey. I got a gristle dick." (Key and Peele, S05E07)
  • RT: "The 1st, clear Pulp Fiction reference in tonight's Mr Robot was cool. The 2nd, less obvious one (Elliot's line on platform) was phenomenal" (Mr. Robot, S01E09)
  • "Where Is My Mind?" – heh (Mr. Robot, S01E09)
  • Mall store name: Warm Subject (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E27)
  • Matt Besser's Björk (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E27)
  • "Is Hannibal in love with me?" (Hannibal, S03E12)
  • "You are the Devil himself, bound in the pit."
    "And that makes you God, Jack."
    "Yes, it does."
    "All gods demand sacrifices." (Hannibal, S03E12)

#clipoftheweek

It's a small world after all

on

In the latter months of my time living in Chicago with Jord and Jon Wilcox, Jord began making videos with this group of local comedians, and I didn't think much of it. Then I retreated back to Silicon Valley, and…

Jon Wilcox: It's wild that T.J. Miller, Kumail, and Thomas Middleditch used to hang out in my living room.

I befriended Jord and Jon Wilcox via their E/N website, and I befriended Ben via his music blog.

While Ben drove me to Jon Wilcox's flat in Washington, D.C….

Jon: Ishmail? From [the websites] Punogre/Armegro? How do you know him?
Ben: He caught me DJ-ing, tweeted at me, and we subsequently became friends. I stayed with him in Los Angeles once.
Jon: Huh.

I type this from Philadelphia in the spare bedroom of Drew's house. I befriended Drew via his blog.

Treasure the Chesapeake

on

A Copy of My Mind
Joko Anwar, Indonesia/South Korea

She gives facials in a cheap beauty salon. He makes subtitles for pirated DVDs. They find a soulmate in each other. But their love is threatened to a tragic end when she stumbles upon evidence of a corruption case linked to a presidential candidate's closest aides.

[pause]

Airlines should display a real-time seating chart at boarding gates that allows you to see which seats are still available and the ages of the people who will be sitting around you.

On my flight to Washington, D.C. was a stroller-pushing father wearing an Omar Rodriguez-Lopez Group shirt.


Alvin and the Chipmunks, American Football

Idea: A parody of "All Day" by Kanye West about Old Bay Seasoning.

Idea: A parody of "All Day" by Kanye West about breakfast being served all day.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

33. Being a Little Person (Review, S02E03)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "Thinking about your boy? Now you can send him to Yale." (True Detective, S02E08)
  • "chadvelcoro@gmail.com" (True Detective, S02E08)
  • True Detective Season Grade: D-
  • "Denial is a special privilege of the rich." (The Strain, S02E05)
  • "You got caught pounding ass in a public restroom. That's some A-Rod shit." (Ballers, S01E08)

"Now make them all make fun of the blonde one."

Community (Rick and Morty, S02E03)

  • Sad ending (Rick and Morty, S02E03)
  • "You're like some kind of cross-dressing Jedi manure spreader." (WWE Raw, 08-10-15)
  • Rusev-ied Bulgarian flag (WWE Raw, 08-10-15)


Hello Nasty (Mr. Robot, S01E08)

  • "Thanks to our modern collective disinterest in privacy, I was able to find basic information about my sex target rapidly." (Review, S02E03)
  • "Much like sex, we have had it!" (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S04E26)


(Friends of the People, S02E05)

  • Rectify Season Grade: C-
  • "Jack Crawford, fisher of men, watching my cork move against the current." (Hannibal, S03E11)
  • "The essence of the worst in the human spirit is not found in the crazy sons of bitches. Ugliness is found in the faces of the crowd." (Hannibal, S03E11)
  • The red team's pathetic performance (Race to Escape, S01E04)

#clipoftheweek

The Chipotles of my life

on

1629 Connecticut Ave NW, Washington, DC 20036
Where I lost my Chipotle virginity. Summer 2002. While visiting J.A. in Washington, D.C., he pointed out a restaurant named Chipotle and praised its chips and guacamole. We later met up with Seth Freedland and Josh Karlin-Resnick from high school here. Adam Riff™, this website's namesake, was supposed to join us, but, to my disappointment, he had returned home already.

244 S Beverly Dr, Beverly Hills, CA 90212
There is a Chipotle in Westwood now, but when I was in college, we had to drive to Beverly Hills to eat at Chipotle, and only after Chipotle finally expanded into Los Angeles.

1733 N Damen Ave, Chicago, IL 60647
Needless to say, when I moved to Chicago, I was elated to discover a Chipotle near our duplex. Here I honed my go-to order at Chipotle – burrito, white rice, no beans, fajita veggies, chicken, all four salsas, sour cream, cheese, no guacamole, no lettuce.

2400 Charleston Rd, Mountain View, CA 94043
At my last job, I began staying after work on Fridays to create the following week's Cribsheet for this website, alone and undisturbed in the office, and then eating a late dinner at this Chipotle. Same routine almost every Friday for about a year – perhaps not the wisest use of my 20s.

504 6th Ave, New York, NY 10011
When I lived in Manhattan, our flat was just around the corner from a Chipotle – the closest I have ever lived to a Chipotle. I ate dinner at this Chipotle every Sunday, periodically ordering a cup for soda¹, which I would take home, wash, and dry on the dish rack. Then, when I craved pop, instead of buying some, I would grab a cup or two from my stack of used Chipotle soda cups at home, walk to this Chipotle, and fill up discreetly. And when dining here, I snuck in used cups via a backpack.

¹ I ordered a cup for soda periodically to replace deteriorating used cups.

Adam Robot: I learned that a Chipotle was opening in Billings from you.

—Oh no… He pronounces it "Chi-POL-te." Should I say something?

New respect test: Say "chipotle mascarpone."