Sleeping with the Enema

on


summer of unk'd

How did "Animals," your track on Compton, come together?

DJ Premier: I went to Moscow earlier this year to work with, like, the top producer in Moscow. The pitch was for me to get with a Russian producer, to use Russian samples and music, and then to have MF Doom rap on it.

When we were about to head out to Moscow, MF Doom fell ill and wasn't able to come out. I'm like, "Well, who are you going to get to replace him?" He said, "We're going to get a singer instead of a rapper, Anderson .Paak." [source]

Straight outta Moscow.

When not performing, [David Copperfield] manages his chain of eleven islands in the Bahamas, called "Musha Cay and the Islands of Copperfield Bay," which completed a $35 million renovation under Copperfield's supervision. [source]

Why is "David Copperfield managing a chain of islands in the Bahamas" not a television programme?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


32. The Correspondents Say Goodbye (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 08-06-15)

Stray Observations


Frank's list repeats stuff (True Detective, S02E07)

  • "Now you just shit my carpet." (True Detective, S02E07)
  • "Guy's been around less the last three months than my wife's period." (True Detective, S02E07)
  • Halt and Catch Fire Season Grade: C
  • Fatlip (Ballers, S01E07)
  • Birdman (Ballers, S01E07)
  • "I communicate through what you call 'Jessica's feet.' No, 'telepathy.'" (Rick and Morty, S02E02)
  • "I'm gonna miss you, umm, Fart. I'm really sorry your name became 'Fart.'" (Rick and Morty, S02E02)
  • "Guys are annoying. All they want to do is eat Chipotle." (Total Divas, S04E05)
  • Deutschland 83 Season Grade: C
  • "I don't like Squidbillies, daddy." (Rectify, S03E05)
  • Zero reaction for Craig Kilborn (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, 08-06-15)
  • "You're the bride of Frankenstein."
    "We've…both been his bride." (Hannibal, S03E10)
  • "My relationship with Hannibal is not as passionate as yours. You are here visiting an old flame." (Hannibal, S03E10)
  • "You are capable of righteous violence because you are compassionate."
    "How are you capable?"
    "Extreme acts of cruelty require a high level of empathy. The next time you have an instinct to help someone, you might consider crushing them instead." (Hannibal, S03E10)

#clipoftheweek

Eater's Digest: Billings, MT

on

Previously on Adam Riff™ [July 2008]:

Adam Robot informed me about a restaurant in his city that offers sandwiches that look like Fleshlights.

—they cook the bread in a can
—they pull the middle out and stuff all the goods in it
—then you can buy the "guts" in a bag, use for soup or with chili

Among the "Clubfoot sandwich" selections:

Imitation crab, dill pickle, and bacon bits?

July 2015
[the travelogue]

montana brewing company / the fieldhouse / überbrew / nara / pub station / caramel cookie waffles / big dipper ice cream / lilac / ten / tiny's tavern / pepper's bar and grill / red lodge ales brewing company / pie guys pizzeria / cafe zydeco / harper and madison / staggering ox / taco john's / pickle barrel

Gold Stars

Angry Bird Baked Sammy (Red Lodge Ales Brewing Company)
turkey, havarti, four-pepper relish, brown mustard, chopped greens, red onion, roma tomato, on a grilled hoagie

A deeply satisfying sandwich. I'm still thinking about it.

—

Braised Short Rib (Lilac)
potato gnocchi, caramelized onion

The gnocchi had a pleasing pan-fried crisp exterior.

—

Garlic Bread (Cafe Zydeco)

Unlike any other garlic bread I've eaten.

—

Poutine (Ten)
house cut fries, smothered in bison gravy and cheese curds

Nanaimo Bar (Caramel Cookie Waffles)
Nanaimo Bar (Harper and Madison)

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.


Fish Tacos (The Fieldhouse)
wild halibut, cabbage, kiwi salsa, cotija, ginger crema

Pictured: The restaurant's photo, which doesn't do the tacos we were served justice. Our fish fillets were massive – easily nine inches long.

After eating a fish taco with kiwi salsa, I wonder why all fish tacos aren't topped with kiwi salsa.

House-Cut Fries (The Fieldhouse)
house ketchup

Tremendous fries – definitely not Sysco – with an addictive smoky ketchup.


Nacho Styx (Pie Guys Pizzeria)
taco beef, jalapeños, baked corn chips, cheddar, served with salsa and sour cream

A surprisingly delicious breadstick pizza.

Deep-Fried Bread Pudding (Cafe Zydeco)
acadian style bread pudding, topped with praline sauce and chantilly cream

Can't get the stink off
It's been hanging 'round for days
Comes like a comet
Suckered you, but not your friends

You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself, just you
You and no one else

The bread pudding wasn't so much topped with praline sauce as it was neck-deep in a bowl of praline sauce.


Pub Station is a bus station turned music venue and tap room. Macauley Culkin's pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band reportedly christened it.

Our sushi chef has a lip ring and knuckle tattoos.

I cringe when he opens a packet of Philadelphia Cream Cheese.

—Oh, bollocks! I forgot to request no cream cheese.

I will vote for whichever presidential candidate will get cream cheese the fuck out of sushi in America.

On my way to the washroom, I see a flyer for a contest to win a gun.


The Rollin' Red Specialty Roll (NaRa)
spicy tuna, cream cheese, jalapeños inside; avocado, sesame seeds out; topped with tempura lobster pieces, bacon, scallions, volcano sauce, spicy teriyaki, sriracha

A far cry from the nigiri I typically order when I eat sushi, but undeniably tasty, despite whatever cream cheese I could not extract.

Food/Travel Show Idea: Extreme Sushi Rolls. Document Taco Town Jiro nightmares like this:


Dos Eggies Specialty Roll (NaRa)
spicy tuna, jalapeño, cream cheese inside; avocado, sesame seeds out; topped with cheddar cheese, fried red onion, bacon bits, two over easy eggs, spicy teriyaki, volcano sauce

We meet at last.


Turkey and Cheese Clubfoot Sandwich (Staggering Ox)
turkey, provolone, lettuce, garlic ranch sauce

It was…better than what Adam Robot made them out to be – fine, even.


Staggering Ox's sandwiches with gyro meat are named after Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, and its tzatziki sauce is called "camel spit."

related:


Walking Taco (Taco John's)

Evokes a Frito pie, but eats like food waste.

A taco is inherently portable. You can eat a taco while walking. Stuff a specialty sushi roll in a bag instead – The Walkin' Red.

Missed Connections


CUZ BUBBA DON'T EAT TOFU! (Redneck Pizza)

Aaaand the recent re-brand:

From Little Lord Foxworthy to Larry the Cable Guy.

—

Steak/Chop Salt Flight (Stacked)
truffle salt, black smoked sea salt, red hawaiian salt

—


Flying Saucer (King's Hat Drive-In)

King's Hat is a fast food drive-through known for its sealed burgers.

You can also add rum flavouring or a hint of cinnamon to any beverage on its menu.

#eatersdigest

Furp Rock

on

This Halsey song chorus:

We are the new Americana
High on legal marijuana
Raised on Biggie and Nirvana
We are the new Americana

And you just know that Americanans raised after Biggie and Nirvana are gonna eat it up.

Rory: They'll make it up to you in the year 2000.


Fool's Gold Day Off headliners be taking Ls this summer.

If only Future was headlining the Atlanta one.

Morimoto Karaoke
Iron Chef Morimoto shares his expertise in the art of sushi rolling and rocks the stage with his hidden talent.

Truffle Shuffle w/ Mina Test Kitchen & DJ Vin Sol
Chef Adam Sobel is joined by dance instructor Julia Hubara to reinterpret the infamous Truffle Shuffle. Fans must shuffle for a taste of his Truffle Ribeye Cheesesteak.

PopStars w/ Emilie Baltz and Dan Deacon
Dan Deacon provides the sweet sounds for this lickable popsicle orchestra imagined by experiential artist & storyteller, Emilie Baltz. Join them on stage to help bring this concept to life, one lick at a time.

A lickable popsicle orchestra?


Baltz's lickable orchestra with ice cream

Grizzly Man

on

Thursday

I always dread the shock you usually receive upon touching a laptop after it passes through an airport X-ray machine.

I only ever drink ginger ale on airplanes.

// BILLINGS, MONTANA

I arrive at 11:00 pm, stepping off a jet bridge into an empty airport. No employees in sight.

—Billings is the largest city in Montana. If this is its airport, the other cities' airports must be…fuckin' Tom Nevers Fields.


—A khaki-coloured car?

Jon: You know, I didn't think you were serious about wearing a calculator watch.

With ample time before last call, we hang out at a brewing company, where I am surprised to see multiple black people.

According to the United States Census Bureau, 0.6% of Montana's population is black. That equates to 6,141 black people in Montana. More Asian people live in Montana than black people.

Jon: Hey, what's your wi-fi network?
Adam Robot: Nakatomi Plaza.
Jon: Heh.

Adam Robot: Charter just increased my Internet speed. Now I have 60 Mbps.
Jon: Ho-ho-ho.

Friday

You can't throw a flying disc in Billings without hitting a combination lounge and casino.

Adam Robot: A dead body was found in this motel.

Adam Robot: Someone was stabbed to death outside this building.

Adam Robot: Every winter, a homeless person freezes to death in downtown. Like clockwork.

Have I mentioned that I've never been to Europe? Or Hawaii?

Jon: The tallest building in Billings (and thus, all of Montana) is a hotel?
Adam Robot: It was, until the First Interstate Center opened.

Jon: According to Wikipedia, the First Interstate Center is only 16 feet taller. The Crowne Plaza should put a 17-foot spire on its roof.

Adam Robot: The Crowne Plaza is still the tallest load-bearing brick masonry building in the world.
Jon:
Adam Robot: It's the tallest building in the world composed almost entirely of bricks.
Jon: Ah. Safe! It can withstand the huffing and puffing of a big bad wolf.

I expected stuff in Montana to be inexpensive, and then I discovered that Montana has no sales tax. And then I learned that a city in Arkansas, of all places, has the highest sales tax in America.

—The tallest building in Montana is only 272 feet tall.
—Well, why build up when you can build out? America isn't Dubai.

The largest store in Billings is a 220,000-square foot sporting goods store, featuring:
• a 16,000-gallon salt water aquarium
• a 65-foot, 16-car operating Ferris wheel
• a shooting gallery
• a deli and fudge shop that serves Starbucks coffee
• animatronic presidents (Abraham Lincoln and Thomas Jefferson)

No lounge or casino, though.

—Also, it seems like everyone in Montana lives in a house. A taller building would need heavy commercial demand, as it couldn't count on residential interest.
—Hmm… Yeah, I didn't see any apartment buildings the whole time I was in Montana.

Adam Robot: I don't pay for water. I have a well.
Jon: Uhh, what?
Adam Robot: Why do you think my lawns are so green?
Jon: Is it, like, a neighbourhood well?
Adam Robot: Nope. It's my own personal well. Came with the house.

Toilets flush conspicuously slowly in Billings.

Saturday

Josh: You chased Fireball with a chicken strip?!

(Night)

Brock: Do you play badminton?
Jon: No.
[pause]
Brock: I asked because you're Asi–
Jon: Yes, yes…

Jon: What's with all the flies flying around in eating and drinking establishments in Billings? Even in its upscale restaurants…

Brock: One Halloween, Adam was Dexter and Josh was Batista.
—Batista? The wrestler?
Josh: It was a total coincidence.
—Oh. Batista on Dexter. Duh!

Josh: I'm throwing an Indiana Jones-themed party in September.
Adam Robot: Most people will probably come as Indiana Jones.

Adam Robot: I just thought of a killer idea for a costume.
Jon: Hitler?
Adam Robot: No.
Brock: Face-melting Toht.
Adam Robot: Nope. You'll never guess what it is.

Three minutes later…

Jon: Old Man Indy from The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles.
Adam Robot: No.
Josh: Alright. Uncle. What is it?
Adam Robot: A functioning Ark of the Covenant. Lights up.

—Dressing up as a chest? For a party? LL Cool Cs?

Brock: He blindly forwarded my joke nutsack size to the tailor. I looked like MC Hammer at his wedding.

Brock and Adam Robot: [in unison] Zombie THC!

Josh: He shit on my lawn!

—Whoa. The jukebox is playing Bloodhound Gang's "A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying."

Josh: KYLE SHITERO!

Brock: I got my last blow job on the Pulp Fiction couch.

Adam Robot: Did you meet Weedy Jesus?

[Howie scream]

Sunday

Jon: [reading a license plate] "Treasure State." I thought Montana is the Big Sky State?
Adam Robot: It's Big Sky Country.
Jon: Treasure State, Big Sky Country.
Adam Robot: And Billings is the Magic City.
Jon: City: Magic. State: Treasure. Country: Big Sky. Sex: Yes, please!

Adam Robot: I think we drove too far. I think we're in Wyoming.
Jon: I'd check, but my mobile has no reception.


Getting my Iñárritu on

Midway up Beartooth Pass, we stopped at a pullout and were joined by two husky macho blokes. They exited their truck, admired the view, and tossed a few adult human head-sized rocks off the ledge for cheap thrills.

Monday

Adam Robot: What would you say is the quintessential nu-metal music video?
Jon: Oh gosh…

Jon: I want to say something by Dope.

Jon: Dope – "Everything Sucks."

//

The man in front of me in the airport security queue reeks of cigarettes. He places a Ziploc bag containing two inhalers in his bin.

The Billings Gazette's front page story is a Mötley Crüe concert.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

31. Gene vs. The Falcon (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E08)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "If they don't give you life, I will have every inch of your flesh removed with a cheese grater, starting with your prick." (True Detective, S02E06)
  • Fat ginger kid just wants to watch Friends and eat pizza (True Detective, S02E06)
  • ♫: The Black Angels – "Black Grease" (True Detective, S02E06)
  • Her (Ballers, S01E06)
  • Mark Schlereth anchoring SportsCenter (Ballers, S01E06)
  • This week on Halt and Catch Fire: Gordon gets lost in a parking garage (Halt and Catch Fire, S02E09)
  • ♫: The Raveonettes – "She's Lost Control (Trentemøller Edit)" (Halt and Catch Fire, S02E09)


"This is Staten Island!" (The Strain, S02E03)


(WWE Raw, 07-27-15)

  • "Dog Ziggler." (WWE Raw, 07-27-15)
  • "It's a fish. Take it. Take it. Take the fish." (WWE Raw, 07-27-15)
  • Tommy is 53?! (MasterChef, S06E12)
  • "You can't blackmail me and then try to be the inside spoon!"
    "Marisa was not spooning, inside or out. Our relationship was in trouble, and it was blackmail's fault." (Review, S02E01)
  • "I began spending all of my spare time in the park searching for my mystery mouth." (Review, S02E01)
  • "Family values may have declined over the last century, but we still help our families when we can. You are family, Will." (Hannibal, S03E09)
  • "You called us 'murder husbands.'" (Hannibal, S03E09)
  • "I'm the burp king of Westchester." (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E01)
  • "You're opening a can of worms you might not be able to close."
    "Don't tell me about cans. I know about cans. Believe me. I am one." (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E03)
  • UCLA (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E04)
  • John Early is one to watch (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E04)
  • "Hand to God. I've been into sewing since I was eight years old."
    "Oh my God. I had no idea you were that creative."
    "Oh really?"
    "Uh-uh."
    "Oh, I just thought it was so obvious that I'm creative." (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E04)
  • "You're insane, Graham. Ayn Rand? She's not attractive." (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E04)
  • Jon Hamm masquerading as Weird Al (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E04)
  • "He says he's going to kill me…like a soup." (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E05)
  • Gene skipping after Victor (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E05)
  • "I'll fart my way into that snatch, just you watch." (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E05)
  • "The strongest shape is the triangle. One, two, three. Do you know Pythagris? Pythagris said that if hypotenuse is length C, the legs are lengths A and B, then A squared plus B squared equals C squared."
    "I don't understand."
    "Coop, the tird is not extra. The tird is not hanging off from the side."
    "Did you just say 'turd'?"
    "Coop, tonight, we will be three. You will be our tird."
    "It really really sounds like he's saying 'turd.'"
    "He's saying 'third.'"
    "Tird. Like, the…what go, what happen in the toilet."
    "Oh."
    "You will be our turd."
    "I guess then I…I misunderstood it." (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E05)
  • "This is wrong. I'm with Mitch. This is wrong."
    "No no no. He's a can of vegetables. He doesn't have to know." (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E05)
  • Bradley Cooper is only available for two days. Solution: John Slattery and a ski mask. (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E07)
  • "I trusted you with my diaphragm." (Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp, S01E07)
  • Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp Season Grade: C

#clipoftheweek

The Planned Parenthood Dead Babies

on

But Logan is absolutely convinced the boy-next-door image is the one thing holding him back from major stardom.

"I'm at the point where no matter what, brands are still going to come to me. So I can start being a little more edgy. Like I could do a Vine for a Fleshlight."

Logan will get his shot at performing his edgy song, "Stank Dick," later this week, but next on the schedule he's got to get ready for acting class.

Vince: This profile on Vine star Logan Paul is like Stonehenge, or the Egyptian pyramids. It's so perfect it's hard to believe that it came together without some kind of magic.


That banner is like Stonehenge, or the Egyptian pyramids.


The Onion's VICE parody series looks like Stonehenge, or the Egyptian pyramids.