I'm black as the heart of an Aryan

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Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of Parks and Recreation.

Judge Harry Stone = Adam Scott
Dan Fielding = Nick Offerman
Christine Sullivan = Amy Poehler
Bull Shannon = Chris Pratt
Mac Robinson = Aziz Ansari
Roz Russell = Aubrey Plaza

Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of The Office.

Harry = Steve Carell
Dan = Rainn Wilson
Christine = Mindy Kaling
Bull = Creed Bratton
Mac = Craig Robinson
Roz = Leslie David Baker

Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of 30 Rock.

Harry = Jack McBrayer
Dan = Alec Baldwin
Christine = Tina Fey
Bull = Tracy Morgan
Mac = Scott Adsit
Roz = Judah Friedlander

Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of Community.

Harry = Jim Rash
Dan = Joel McHale
Christine = Gillian Jacobs
Bull = Danny Pudi
Mac = Donald Glover
Roz = Yvette Nicole Brown

Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of Seinfeld.

Harry = Jerry Seinfeld
Dan = Jason Alexander
Christine = Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Bull = Michael Richards
Mac = Wayne Knight
Roz = Heidi Swedberg

Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of Friends.

Harry = David Schwimmer
Dan = Matthew Perry
Christine = Jennifer Aniston
Bull = Matt LeBlanc
Mac = Courteney Cox
Roz = Lisa Kudrow

Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of Frasier.

Harry = David Hyde Pierce
Dan = Kelsey Grammer
Christine = Jane Leeves
Bull = Dan Butler
Mac = John Mahoney
Roz = Peri Gilpin

Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of Cheers.

Harry = Ted Danson
Dan = Kelsey Grammer
Christine = Kirstie Alley
Bull = Woody Harrelson
Mac = George Wendt
Roz = Rhea Perlman

Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of Wings.

Harry = Tim Daly
Dan = Steven Weber
Christine = Crystal Bernard
Bull = Thomas Haden Church
Mac = David Schramm
Roz = Tony Shalhoub

Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of ER.

Harry = Anthony Edwards
Dan = George Clooney
Christine = Julianna Margulies
Bull = Abraham Benrubi
Mac = Eriq La Salle
Roz = Laura Innes

Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of NewsRadio.

Harry = Dave Foley
Dan = Phil Hartman
Christine = Maura Tierney
Bull = Andy Dick
Mac = Stephen Root
Roz = Khandi Alexander

Idea: A reboot of Night Court starring the cast of Freaks and Geeks.

Harry = Jason Segel
Dan = James Franco
Christine = Linda Cardellini
Bull = Seth Rogen
Mac = Samm Levine
Roz = Martin Starr

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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12. Virtual Insanity (Community, S06E02)

Honourable Mention

  • Modem Noises (Bob's Burgers, S05E15)
  • The Second Interview (The Jinx, S01E06)
  • Rusev's Attorney (WWE Raw, 03-16-15)
  • Norma rages against a highway sign (Bates Motel, S03E02)
  • Catfight (Empire, S01E12)
  • Necklacing (The Americans, S03E08)

Stray Observations

  • The Jinx Season Grade: A-
  • "Wait. I have a theory. I think limousine and magazine come from the same word." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E19)
  • "You called us useless. You called us incompetent. You called us zeroes in the sack."
    "Never happened."
    "Well, someone said it to me last night. Must have been my wife." (Brooklyn Nine-Nine, S02E19)
  • "Mother dick." (The Walking Dead, S05E14)
  • Will every black male character die this season? (The Walking Dead, S05E14)
  • Ric Flair, Peter Rosenberg, and Ariel Helwani as talking heads? (30 for 30: I Hate Christian Laettner)
  • "It was just a little love tap on his chest." (30 for 30: I Hate Christian Laettner)
  • "Time for you girls to move on now. You've had your five minutes with Christian Laettner." (30 for 30: I Hate Christian Laettner)
  • "Rape walker." (Shameless, S05E09)
  • "Do you know how to jerk a guard off?" (Shameless, S05E09)
  • "When did your heart get as black as your skin?" (Shameless, S05E09)
  • "Every day is an opportunity you don't get back, so don't blow it working." (Shameless, S05E09)
  • "I don't want to fraternize; I want to fuck you." (Shameless, S05E09)
  • "So who is Melissa Shart?" (The Last Man on Earth, S01E04)
  • "You, Melissa, are a catch. Like a Moby Dick-sized catch."
    "Moby Dick? Try Moby Double Dick." (The Last Man on Earth, S01E04)
  • $19,600 bid on the first sabotage in the first round (Cutthroat Kitchen, S07E05)
  • "A deal. I hate that terminology. A deal is what they got O.J." (Better Call Saul, S01E07)
  • "Unhinged women seem drawn to you." (Bates Motel, S03E02)
  • Norma and Romero's awkward hug (Bates Motel, S03E02)


(WWE Raw, 03-16-15)

  • Restaurant Startup Season Grade: B+
  • "Vaporizers? Skittles?" (Community, S06E01)
  • "Welcome to Ladder!" (Community, S06E01)
  • YTMND: Portuguese Gremlins (Community, S06E02)
  • "My friends, they all think my parents are adorable, and they think I'm the bad guy for hating them. But I have a right to hate them, 'cause I had to be there when they sucked."
    "Yeah. Jimmy Fallon Syndrome. I get it." (Community, S06E02)
  • "You use your inside voice when you talk to Becky." (Empire, S01E11)
  • "I ain't got nothing to do with that." (Empire, S01E11)
  • "At least you walk like a man." (Empire, S01E11)
  • "Whoop the trick" – heh (Empire, S01E11)
  • "I'll send a prayer down to you in a flame-proof jar." (Empire, S01E11)


(Empire, S01E11)

  • RT: Jamal gon have a dildo in it (Empire, S01E12)
  • RT: A LITERAL SCEPTER (Empire, S01E12)
  • RT: Show me the scene where Lucious searched for "small gift pillow" on Amazon. (Empire, S01E12)
  • "What type of black girl named Becky?"
    "Oh, my mom's white." — Black-ish already did it (Empire, S01E12)
  • Charles Hamilton! (Empire, S01E12)
  • BLACK RAMBO (Empire, S01E12)
  • Singing at a rap battle (Empire, S01E12)
  • "Chile, I don't want no chicken." (Empire, S01E12)
  • RT: she came to sing gospel. she's on stage with juicy j. (Empire, S01E12)
  • Empire Season Grade: B
  • "Cults are great for attracting new age tail." (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E10)
  • "Make 'em eat a shit sandwich."
    "What is it with you and the shit sandwich?" (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E10)
  • ♫: "Time Hole" and "Alethia," off the soundtrack to Paul Thomas Anderson's The Master (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, S10E10)
  • It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season Grade: C+
  • "Do you think other people here resent you…for being 'new'?" (The Americans, S03E08)
  • Gaad rages against the mail robot (The Americans, S03E08)
  • Man Seeking Woman Season Grade: C+
  • "Goat, swear to Christ, I'll have your hide as boots and the rest of you as a curry." (Archer, S06E11)
  • "Also, I have two Michelin tires." (Archer, S06E11)
  • "Do you realize whose ass you're talking about? This is Mr. Paul Sorvino."
    "Please. The last hit Paul Sorvino had was off his insulin pump." (The Jack and Triumph Show, S01E05)
  • "How you doing, buddy?"
    "Not good, man. I work in a fart room." (Childrens Hospital, S06E01)

#clipoftheweek

Drink Wisconsinbly

on

// Las Vegas, NV


Free association: Lethal Enforcers.

Dealertainers are no more? Poo.

Television Idea: Celebrity Poker Roast. Rotate in insult comics as dealers.

I'm surprised that I haven't seen anyone vaping in a casino.

Ooh! A $10 blackjack table that pays 3 to 2 — casino unicorn.

An Asian lad joins the table. He says he's from China but attends uni in Montana. [pause]

Adam Robot: We're a big Asian student stop because it's easy to get in here.

Montana: Asia's community college.

From my experiences, this is how video slot machines work: You insert money. The game teases you with a few minor wins before hooking you with a flashier, more titillating bonus game. Then the game sinks you with losing spins in hopes that you insert more money to chase the bonus game dragon.

Video slot machine bonus game withdrawal is real.

Look at this dude only betting "don't pass." Don't pass: The "well, actually" of craps.

Could a twin mattress fit in a craps table? Craps table bed frame. Shorten the legs.

Could the pub that Chris and I are gonna open in Seattle legally house a craps table?

Waitress: Drinks?
Jon: Yes, can I get a Diet Pepsi?

Where do casino cocktail waitresses get drinks? I should follow one. And are they like flight attendants, or is, like, an undocumented bartender hidden away somewhere?

Edamame Fart

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This is how lame Silicon Valley is:

1. Three places is errands, not a crawl.
2. All three places are located in the same market, metres apart.
3. The third place is a wine bar.

Might as well just tailgate outside Levi's Stadium.

Oh. This crawl was originally even sadder.

I suppose you can't crawl to a stadium that's located in bland sleepy nowhere.

Jed York is getting the WrestleMania he deserves.