The Top 11 Fight Scenes of 2013

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Yes, this list goes to 11, and could easily be 22, as 2013 was a strong year for fight scenes.

Big thanks to Swaggy D for his help. Please report any broken videos.


11. Underwear Fight (Delocated)
An odd mix of absurdity and brutality.

10. Washroom Fight (The World's End)
Choreographed by the leader of Jackie Chan's stunt team.

9. Magic Fight (Now You See Me)
Free association: Home Alone. Dave Franco mastered card-throwing for this scene.

8. Audition Fight (Man of Tai Chi)
Keanu Reeves directs the man responsible for his martial arts training during production of the Matrix trilogy.


7. Casino Fight (Banshee)
To television writer Alan Sepinwall, The Sopranos' fifth episode, "College," was the episode that got people to pay attention. "The Sopranos didn't become The Sopranos until 'College.'" This scene was Banshee's "College."

6. Gun Fight (The Berlin File)
Whip it good.

5. Furniture Fight (Chinese Zodiac)
You still got it [clap clap clap-clap-clap].

4. Car Chase Fight (Special ID)
Two great tastes that taste great together.


3. Train Station Fight (The Grandmaster)
That is one long ass train. The filmmakers spent two months on this scene.


2. Dojo Fight (Ninja: Shadow of a Tear)
A direct-to-video production that puts Hollywood to shame.

1. Car Park/Elevator Fight (New World)
If New World is a cross between The Godfather and The Departed, then this scene is Scorsese's version of Sonny at the tollbooth.

see also:

Five Birds, Six Times, Life Is War

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On the fifth season of TLC's MY STRANGE ADDICTION premiering Wednesday, January 1st at 9/8c —

• Jennifer, 26, has been addicted to eating mattresses for more than twenty years. Her family worries Jennifer's mattress diet could be killing her, since she's consumed a total of eight beds.

• Toby, 33, has spent over $100,000 on plastic surgery to transform into the perfect doppelganger of Justin Bieber.

• Keyshia, 22, started chewing on and smelling dirty diapers two years ago. Since then, Keyshia has been filling her cupboards, drawers and purse with pee-soaked diapers to satisfy her cravings.

Just when I thought I was out…

The rubble or our sins

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Emily: I plan to begin having children in two years.
Jon: How many children do you want?
Emily: Three. I hate being an only child, and two children doesn't feel like proper family to me.

At lunch with my cousin Emily and her parents on Saturday, she noted that her father, whose kidneys are failing, only has five or six years left to live.

He made silly faces when we posed for group photos.

All of my grandparents are long deceased. I never met two of them, and the other two…

My mother's mother lived with my nuclear family when I was a child.

One afternoon, I heard her calling for me from the bathroom we shared.

"Jon! Jon!"

I couldn't be bothered to answer, but eventually stomped toward the bathroom in a huff to discover her supine on the toilet.

That was the beginning of her end.

I only ever knew my father's father as a body atrophying on a bed. He couldn't really speak, but he was responsive – at least, early on.

He was the last of my grandparents to die.

As his oldest grandson, I should've attended his funeral, but I wanted to hand out copies of the latest edition of my high school's newspaper, which I had worked on. I told my parents that I couldn't attend because of exams.

My father asked me to write a eulogy for my grandfather, which would be placed in his coffin and buried with him.

My eulogy was the lyrics to "The Day the World Went Away" by Nine Inch Nails.

Increasingly, I dread the deaths of my parents, not so much losing them as losing safety blankets.

Mommy's death will be sadder, but if daddy dies first, I'm fucked. Who will I consult about health insurance?

What if they both die around the same time, like Dave Eggers' parents?

I've been looking at housing listings in the Pacific Northwest and getting anxious. I have never had to find housing before, let alone furnish it.

What are you doing, Jon?

I am 31 years old.

I am a child.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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51. People Park (Key and Peele, S03E12)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "That's how I want to go out – dehydrated and covered in tinsel."
    "Sounds like a gay pride parade." (Bob's Burgers, S04E08)
  • "I have a ham in the oven."
    "You have to fart?" (Bob's Burgers, S04E08)
  • "We have a date with a fat old man."
    "We're chubby chasers."
    "Tina, don't say that. That's not nice to say."
    "Fat fetishists?" (Bob's Burgers, S04E08)
  • "I'm more of a branch man." (Bob's Burgers, S04E08)
  • A Christmas parody of Duel! (Bob's Burgers, S04E08)
  • "I guess he's not in a hurry."
    "Maybe the speed limit is 7." (Bob's Burgers, S04E08)
  • "Hurry up. We need to get back on the road."
    "It might take a minute. My bladder asked if my colon could come out and play, and my colon was like, 'sure thing.'" (Bob's Burgers, S04E08)
  • "I have a ham in the oven, remember?"
    "Just fart, dad, it's okay." (Bob's Burgers, S04E08)
  • "Dad, where do babies come from?"
    "You all come from my vagina." (Bob's Burgers, S04E08)
  • "That's a dumb place to keep bowls." (Bob's Burgers, S04E08)


(Bob's Burgers, S04E08)

  • "Gonorrhea can't see us if we don't move." (Rick and Morty, S01E03)
  • "You dodged a bullet, Morty. Trust me. Puffy vagina." (Rick and Morty, S01E03)
  • "Subtlety can lick my balls and then eat a plate of my ass for dessert." (Bad Education, S02E07)
  • "How can we cure AIDS with no music to dance to?" (Bad Education, S02E07)


(Bad Education, S02E07)

  • "Circle of Life" introduction (Bad Education, S02E07)
  • "Put the pussy on the chainwax." (Key and Peele, S03E12)
  • "So Santa, what is your favourite holiday?"
    "I've never thought about it. Presidents Day is nice, 'cause there's sheet sales. I like Thanksgiving, because, you know, I'm a tryptophan nut." (Comedy Bang! Bang!, S02E20)

#clipoftheweek

Old Chokes

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I think television shows nowadays need to be on Netflix if they wish to be relevant, particularly among young people.

I think a show like Veep would benefit mightily if it wasn't exclusive to HBO GO.

If Netflix is Xbox One, then HBO GO is Wii U.

Fox-produced FX shows are on Netflix, but Sony-produced Justified, which airs on FX, is not.

Earlier this year, Sony sold exclusive USA streaming rights for Justified to Amazon.

How annoyed is FX at Sony? Justified could multiply its audience via Netflix like Sony-produced Breaking Bad, but is instead stuck adding via Amazon.

If Netflix is ESPN, then Sony is Gary Bettman.

NBCUniversal, Fox, and Disney-ABC jointly own Hulu.

I suppose if Netflix will pay to license shows you produce, why not, right? Dual revenue streams in the streaming sector.

If Netflix is iOS, then Hulu is Google.

Hello Rockview

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So this is a real television programme.


Like Unsolved Mysteries, but for accidents during sex.

Meanwhile, on sister channel TLC:

I feel like I should rebuke the minstrel show that is Best Funeral Ever, but…

• The community remembers a man who loved candy so much that his casket is dipped in chocolate for the whole town to eat. [source]

C'mon.

At said candyman's funeral, a pastor preaches from inside a gingerbread man costume.

V

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Started from the bottom now we're here – post #5000 on Adam Riff™. Only took us 13 years, 3 months, and 7 days, or 4846 days – almost a post a day for the past 5000 days.

To commemorate, we decided to publish "The Unfinished Post."

Five years ago, Ben began composing a post. That post has been idling since in our CMS. "Drafts (1)."

Well, no longer!

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, "The Unfinished Post":

This has been Adam Riff™'s 5000th post.