Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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18. Will's re-creation of the nurse's murder (Hannibal, S01E06)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • "My heart just pooped its pants. Pbbrt pbbrt." (Bob's Burgers, S03E21)
  • "Lipstick, pepper spray, tiny baby carrots."
    "What's the theme?"
    "Woman of the night. She gets dressed up, she kills a john, she has a snack." (Bob's Burgers, S03E21)
  • "Show her the tampon straw!" (Bob's Burgers, S03E21)
  • "This isn't a POTUS thing. Why is Scrotus here?"
    "Think of me as a cheerleader, Mike."
    "Oh God. I'm imagining you in a bathtub full of rose petals." (Veep, S02E03)


GPOY (Mad Men, S06E05)

  • "You don't even know good writing. That's why you're a teacher, right? Those that can, do, and those that can't, teach." – [facepalm] (The Following, S01E15)
  • He loves the '90s: Sega Genesis, "Low" by Cracker, "Creep" by Stone Temple Pilots, Sonic the Hedgehog (Rectify, S01E03)
  • "David Foster Wallace, where is the sex?" (New Girl, S02E23)
  • "Back in high school, they used to call me…the sex, the Sex Haver." (New Girl, S02E23)
  • "Caress Me Down" by Sublime (New Girl, S02E23)
  • Jake Johnson for MVP of television (New Girl, S02E23)
  • RT: "Network sitcom rankings: 1.) New Girl TRIUMPHANT 2.) Bob's Burgers…"
  • "Games Without Frontiers" by Peter Gabriel (The Americans, S01E13)
  • "Creed Bratton is the new manager!" (The Office, S09E21)
  • "'Hors d'oeuvres'? Okay, that's French, I recognize that, but I don't speak French, so I went with a surefire bet of glitter." (Zach Stone Is Gonna Be Famous, S01E01)
  • "This is now officially my worst nightmare. That's right, Jason Giambi sex dream, you're out!" (Happy Endings, S03E22)
  • "I got so many 'no's, I felt like Jason Giambi in my Jason Giambi sex dream!" (Happy Endings, S03E22)
  • Ominous spinning wheel of coloured safety scissors (Orphan Black, S01E06)
  • Hot glue gun as interrogation device (Orphan Black, S01E06)

#clipoftheweek

Games Without Frontiers

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How is there no supercut of air balls on YouTube? I will also accept a supercut of fat guy touchdowns.

The supercut of Devin Hester's kick returns needs to be updated.

If you ever want to extract information from me, force me to watch a supercut of Ken Jeong acting obnoxious on a loop.

Pockets of cheese? Pizza Hut somehow found a third way to stuff cheese in a pizza crust.

How are you supposed to hold a slice of that pizza with its pockets of cheese detached?

Idea: A supercut of telly adverts for Pizza Hut's innovations.

You wonder what ideas Pizza Hut has rejected.

I am terrible with street names. In my youth, I dreaded ordering pizza for delivery because I knew that I would blank when asked for my cross street.

"Guh. Is it Truman or Bryant?"

Jon: Have you ever met a Luigi in real life? Can you name any Luigi besides Mario's brother?

Ogre: Why?

Jon: I was thinking about Mario Lopez playing Mario, but a Luigi to play Luigi stumped me.

Johnny Manziere is a total bro

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Tulane's commencement speaker this year is the Dalai Lama? That sounds like a comedy sketch.

Prestige be damned. I think commencement speakers should first and foremost appeal to young people. They should be like guests at the White House Correspondents' Dinner – people of the now.

Wesleyan's commencement speaker this year is Joss Whedon – yes!

Ripon's commencement speaker is Nate Silver – yes!

Wisconsin's commencement speaker is Anders Holm (Workaholics) – bit of a reach, but yes!

Oprah is a "get" for Harvard, but wouldn't 21-year-olds rather hear from Jay-Z?

Toss-up! Better commencement speaker this year: The creator of Kinect for Xbox (RIT) or the CEO of Dropbox (MIT)?

Scud: Who was your commencement speaker?

Jon: Well, I didn't attend, but it was Frank Marshall, Spielberg's producing partner. Had I stayed at UCLA for another quarter, it would've been Cookie Monster. For real.

Scud: When did the guitarist for Linkin Park speak?

Jon: 2009, I think. He stepped in when James Franco withdrew.

Jon: This year, I would've invited ascending alumnus Chris Hardwick. And there's always Urkel.

Scud: Urkel could address graduates in complete darkness.

Bacarri Rambo

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Bacarri Rambo was born Bacarri Fudge (Fudge was his mother's maiden name). But in grade school his parents legally changed his name to Rambo (after his father, Danny Rambo).

"When people see the name 'Rambo' on the back of my jersey, they expect me to be a hard-nosed killer with a scarf around my head and paint under my eyes. If I was playing in the secondary and named Fudge, everybody would say I was soft. I went from being soft to being hard."

Actually, he went from Fudge to Goo before arriving at Baccari Rambo.

"When I was an infant, my mom used to always give me cough drops because I always used to cry. So I'd get cough drops, and I'd suck on them. And my eyes, they'd say I'd look like Mr. Magoo, the cartoon character, because my eyes would get big. Then it went from Mr. Magoo to Magoo. Then everyone started calling me 'Goo.'"

"That's like a hometown nickname. None of the teachers at my school called me Bacarri. Matter of fact, I've never ever heard my mom or my dad call me Bacarri. Everybody calls me 'Goo' back at home."

So, to recap: Bacarri Rambo was known as Goo Fudge through middle school, then Goo Rambo and now just Bacarri Rambo.

Robust

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New York City's Rooftop Films announced its summer 2013 line-up. It features some films that Adam Riff™ has blindly championed – Awful Nice, The Dirties, The 12 O'Clock Boys – as well as Jord's film, The Kings of Summer.

RE: The Kings of Summer
Aren't they a little old to be running away from home to live in the woods?

I myself have been working on a film that will premiere this June. Should I be listed as Jonathan Yu (III) or Jon Yu (II) on IMDb?

Jram: What's your middle name?
Jon: Dong.
Jram: Oh.
Jon: Jono Yu? Jonah Yu. Nathan Yu.
Jram: Nathan (IV) Yu.

I've been in New York City for about four months now, and it still feels like an Inception sub-level. Just waiting for the kick back to the west coast.

I passed a homeless woman today reading a book. If you're begging for money, I feel that you should put some effort into it. Look the part. Inspire me to donate beyond your sign.

Idea: A Survivor season with all homeless contestants. Similar living situation, but on a beach, and with the opportunity to win one million dollars.

Some Survivor fans have long wished for a season set in a cold climate. How about said all homeless one? Producers wouldn't have to fret over clothing covering up attractive bodies.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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17. Scorched Earth (Game of Thrones, S03E04)

Honourable Mention

  • New signals (Veep, S02E02)
  • Jonah de-porks the visual (Veep, S02E02)
  • Chinese Cockblock (Vice, S01E04)

Stray Observations

  • "Misty Gish." (Bob's Burgers, S03E20)
  • "What happens when the non-existent bumps against the decrepit? A question for the philosophers." (Game of Thrones, S03E04)
  • "Never knew Bannon could smell so good." (Game of Thrones, S03E04)
  • "Congressman Furlong called, and he'd like some face time."
    "Okay, well, let's see, I'd rather set fire to my vulva…so, that's a no." (Veep, S02E02)
  • "Most Jews in this country are fine with pork. 'Pork, shmork,' they often say." (Veep, S02E02)
  • Old Spanish – 30 Rock reference (Mad Men, S06E04)
  • Bonding over child molestation (Glee, S04E20)
  • Alan Yang wrote, directed, and stars in this episode (Parks and Recreation, S05E21)
  • "Human emotions are a gift from our animal ancestors. Cruelty is a gift humanity has given itself." (Hannibal, S01E05)
  • How did the killer transform himself into an angel? (Hannibal, S01E05)
  • "I am not too impulsive."
    "You bought us a timeshare in Tampa!"
    "The lady at the kiosk said it's the Sacramento of the east."
    "But now we gotta go to Tampa every year! Tampa's not a place that you go; it's a place that you end up!" (Happy Endings, S03E21)
  • "It's impossible to ruin something that's already terrible. It'd be like adding more moms to Facebook." (Happy Endings, S03E21)


(Happy Endings, S03E21)

#clipoftheweek

He took a bus to Montreal

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Kid Cudi – "Young Lady (feat. Father John Misty).

Father John Misty?

Oh. The song just samples "Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings."

Oof. "Lost in the World" it ain't.

List Idea: The 100 Oddest Samples in Music History. An impossible task, probably, even if you disqualify mixtapes.

Off the top of my head:

  • Three Loco – "We Are Farmers" (samples the Farmers Insurance jingle)
  • Kyle Lucas – "Jonny Quest Thinks I'ma Sellout" (samples Less Than Jake)
  • Soul Coughing – "$300" (samples a Chris Rock joke)

List Idea: The 100 Best Film Dialogue Samples in Music History.

Off the top of my head:

  • Watch the Throne – "Niggas in Paris" (samples Blades of Glory)
  • Maybeshewill – "Not for Want of Trying" (samples Network)
  • MF Doom – "Bing Bong Bing" (samples Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan)
  • The Ataris – "Fast Times at Dropout High" (samples Good Will Hunting)
  • Fun Lovin' Criminals – "Scooby Snacks" (samples Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs)
  • 2 Live Crew – "Me So Horny" (samples Full Metal Jacket)

Iwrestledabearonce sampled Scary Movie 2?

List Idea: The 100 Oddest Film Dialogue Samples in Music History.

Adam Riff™ Summer Movie Preview

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SEQUELS NO ONE DEMANDED
Iron Man 3
Star Trek Into Darkness
Fast and Furious 6
The Hangover: Part III
Before Midnight
Monsters University
Despicable Me 2
Grown Ups 2
Red 2
The Wolverine
The Smurfs 2
300: Rise of an Empire
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters
Planes
Kick-Ass 2

ADAPTATIONS NO ONE ASKED FOR
The Great Gatsby
Much Ado About Nothing
Man of Steel
World War Z
The Lone Ranger
R.I.P.D.
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

VANITY PROJECTS
The East
After Earth
The Internship
This Is the End