Adam Riff™

29. Trivial Pursuit (The Rehearsal, S01E01)

Stray Observations

• ♫: Ramin Djawadi – "Bad Guy" (Westworld, S04E03)
• ♫: Ramin Djawadi – "Enter Sandman" (Westworld, S04E03)
• "None of this is real. It's just another level of the game."
  "What game?"
  "The Westworld Massacre." (Westworld, S04E03)
• ♫: Khia – "My Neck, My Back" (P-Valley, S02E06)
• "You always cummin' in that condom. I want that in my mouth." (P-Valley, S02E06)
• "Cliff like…hittin' seven thrice against the wall on a Sat'day night. Like eatin' funnel cake once a year at the fair, like…it's like a eclipse, you know?" (P-Valley, S02E06)
• Derrick removing the battery from Keyshawn's car (P-Valley, S02E06)
• "I give her ass two stacks, she let me eat that pussy."
  "Damn! Wish I'da been offered the option of layin' on my back 'steada gettin' on my knees." (P-Valley, S02E06)
• "I fucks with you."
  "Yeah, I fucks with you too. I'm a hoe, though."
  "Ain't that a coincidence? Cuz…I'm a hoe too." (P-Valley, S02E06)
• "Take off your dress."
  "What else, sir?"
  "Crawl."
  "Crawl?" (P-Valley, S02E06)
• "So, you ever get an "S-titty'?"
  "No, I've never… Well, why do you say it like that? S-T-D."
  "'S-titty.'"
  "I've never gotten an 'S-titty.' Okay? Not once." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E04)
• "Anyway, I gotta get a picture of me in this suit, man. Nothing gets more likes than a dead friend." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E04)
• "I only came here 'cause I thought you guys were friends."
  "I only came here 'cause I thought y'all were friends."
  "Nice to wear a blazer, though." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E04)
• "He was the healthiest. First kid I ever knew who put tomatoes on a cheesesteak." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E04)
• "Those benign neoplasms… They'll get you." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E04)
• "I prayed to the 100 Gecs tree to get a real diagnosis." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E04)
• "Yeah, it was used by, uh, by Post Malone and, uh, Missy Elliott."
  "Yeah, and Del the Funky Homosapien." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E04)
• "You know, when I was a kid, and I was in the bathroom too long, my grammy would knock on the door and say, 'Oliver? Would you like me to come in there and rub some Vaseline on your rectum?'" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E04)
• "Wassup…! Uh, it is a saying from the olden days that I learned on my travels." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E01)
• "Important literature or colorful shit?" (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E01)
• "Does anyone know if we have any money? Anyone?"
  "Uh…"
  "Cash. Coin. Moola."
  "Gold."
  "Wonga."
  "Rubles."
  "Milk."
  "Lettuce."
  "Bread."
  "Dough."
  "Sweet cream."
  "Stripper tips." (What We Do in the Shadows, S04E01)

(What We Do in the Shadows, S04E02)

• "You crazy? You can't hide in a mosque."
  "Houses of worship are supposed to offer sanctuary."
  "This is a mosque in America." (Ms. Marvel, S01E06)
• "If you're abetting a potential suspect, no one will be on your side, Sheikh."
  "I don't need anyone on my side. 'I'm not even concerned if God is on my side as long as I am on His side. For God is always right.'"
  "I don't have time for Quranic quotes. Excuse me."
  "Actually, that was Abraham Lincoln." (Ms. Marvel, S01E06)

(Ms. Marvel, S01E06)

(Ms. Marvel, S01E06)

• "Kamala, there's something different in your genes. Like…like a mutation." (Ms. Marvel, S01E06)
• </Ms. Marvel, S01>
• ♫: Otis Redding – "You Don't Miss Your Water" (South Park: The Streaming Wars – Part 2)
• "Did he tell you his business plan? Did he show you his deck?!"
  "No."
  "My uncle Larry showed me his dick once." (South Park: The Streaming Wars – Part 2)
• "Can you stop saying 'youth culture' like you're a white man who owns a boat?" (Everything's Trash, S01E01)
• "She buys her underwear by the bag." (Everything's Trash, S01E01)
• "It's Gal 'Guh-dot.'"
  "It's 'Ga-doh'!"
  "She's from Israel, not France." (Everything's Trash, S01E01)
• "I've got a volunteer who can find out the IP address of the person who talked about stuffing your ballot box and slow down their internet. It's gonna be fun watching Gilded Age at half-speed. That'll really burn their toast." (Everything's Trash, S01E01)
• "That couch is the boat shoes of sofas. Y'all gonna be watching Atlanta sitting on Sperrys."
  "First off, I watch Atlanta on the weekends while soaking in my claw-foot tub." (Everything's Trash, S01E02)
• "Girl, you know they just mail guns to white girls." (Everything's Trash, S01E02)
• "Much like my good friend Idris here, my teeth are also extremely white." (Everything's Trash, S01E02)
• "Nathan and Guru is a match made in douchebag heaven, where God is Logan Paul and the chef is Guy Fieri. Or not Guy Fi— I've heard Guy Fieri is nice, so…" (Players, S01E08)
• "Take me to one of your favorite spots in Philly. What's your favorite restaurant in Philly?"
  [Dave and Busters] (Players, S01E08)
• ♫: Lo Fidelity Allstars – "Battle Flag [feat. Pigeonhed]" (Black Bird, S01E03)
• "I'd intended the joke to be self-deprecating about my unpredictable bowel movements, but reflecting on it later, I realized he could have interpreted it as a criticism that his bathroom was under-equipped." (The Rehearsal, S01E01)
• "But this was just laying the groundwork for the main event: The mutual disclosure of personal information in a heated pool." (The Rehearsal, S01E01)
• "No master's degree?"
  "This guy is such a fraud."
  "Who doesn't have a master's degree?" (The Rehearsal, S01E01)
• "Dammit, I always fall for the Talkboy." (Solar Opposites, S03E01)
• "Whoa! I'm like the J. K. Rowling of this pack!"
  "[This episode was written in 2009]" (Solar Opposites, S03E01)
• "Earth is too distracting for us. We can't do our jobs here, not with all the trap queens in need of hyping." (Solar Opposites, S03E01)
• "Malcolm Gladwell. My arms are somewhere aboard his private non-fiction yacht, The Shipping Point." (Solar Opposites, S03E01)
• "In the meantime, do the rest of you want VIP tickets to see our in-cruise show, Malcolm Dragwell? It's drag queens lip syncing to audio recordings of my books." (Solar Opposites, S03E01)
• "My latest bestseller, Thou Who Smelt It, Dealt It, was their idea."
  "You can't force my arms to write their own fart ideas." (Solar Opposites, S03E01)
• "Without Terry's arms, all I'll be able to write is the erotic Luigi's Mansion fanfic that comes to me so naturally." (Solar Opposites, S03E01)
• "Here's a list of the 7,000 most popular American hobbies."
  "Omit any that require a fifth grade education."
  "None of them do. It's an American list." (Solar Opposites, S03E02)
• "I can hardly even fit in my jeans since we learned how easy it is fry shrimp!" (Solar Opposites, S03E02)
• "I have never seen you knit!"
  "Bullshit. I homespun you those Animal Crossing-themed boot socks."
  "Those were from Hot Topic!"
  "We're doing a collab." (Solar Opposites, S03E02)
• Entourage pinball machine + Trainwreck poster (Solar Opposites, S03E02)
• "My town is too bougie for a White Hen."
  "They've got unbeatable deals on individual Kraft singles. Not packaged for retail, but that's not gonna stop the Hen, you know what I'm sayin'?" (Solar Opposites, S03E02)
• "He gave us no choice. We're gonna have to kill him. Okay, boys, turn those body cams off!" (Solar Opposites, S03E02)
• "Grab my hand like they did in True Lies."
  "Why wouldn't you say, 'Like in Cliffhanger'? You know I love that movie."
  "Yeah, but I don't!" (Solar Opposites, S03E02)
• "Everyone! It's a [Mountain Dew] Code Red!" (Solar Opposites, S03E02)
• "We have a couple of Howlin' Ray's rays back on the ship." (Solar Opposites, S03E03)
• "I bet it does all sorts of cool stuff like Chappie!" (Solar Opposites, S03E03)
• "You're going down like a clown with a frown who's about to get shot!" (Solar Opposites, S03E03)
• "I'm in the military video games I play so I can bully humans in their 30s." (Solar Opposites, S03E03)
• Microsoft Zune face tattoo (Solar Opposites, S03E03)
• "Dude, this giant robot was just handing out PS5s over there." (Solar Opposites, S03E03)
• "Did that panel just make, like, a sexy beep?"
  "Yeah, it was weirdly sexy." (Solar Opposites, S03E04)
• "Okay, what is with that sultry beep?"
  "We chose the sexy setting as a joke, but then we couldn't figure out how to change it." (Solar Opposites, S03E04)
• "Okay, this is bad, but we can't give up. Maybe we can talk to some lawyers, or the media. Or I could tweet at AOC, and maybe she'll play Twitch with us." (Solar Opposites, S03E04)
• "Ext. James Earl Jones High School – Day" (Solar Opposites, S03E05)
• "He got all the Real Housewives. No kid has ever been able to do a perfect RHO sequence." (Solar Opposites, S03E05)
• "Don't fucking touch me, Sylvester Stallone." (Solar Opposites, S03E05)
• "Wait, I know what this is. It's Super Mario 64, right?"
  "I don't know boomer shit like that!" (Solar Opposites, S03E05)
• "Quick, Yum, what do you know about jazz? You watched all of Treme."
  "That's just 'cause I love Steve Zahn." (Solar Opposites, S03E05)
• "This is where you yell at us for building a Michael Crichton's Congo LEGO set instead of working on the ship."
  "This is New Korvo. I'm chill A-F. Chill About Fudge. Uh, does this go in the space laser?"
  "That's from Congo the movie. This is based on the book." (Solar Opposites, S03E06)
• "What a waste of time this has been!"
  "You're the one that wanted stories. Get the fuck out of here so I can browse Raya in peace!" (Solar Opposites, S03E06)
• Gone Girl LEGO set (Solar Opposites, S03E06)
• "These Ped Eggs are amazing!" (Solar Opposites, S03E07)
• "Ooh! Let's go take a photo like we're in Charlie's Angels!"
  "Don't mind me, just channeling hard Lucy Liu vibes over here."
  "Wait, we're not doing the Kristen Stewart one?"
  "No! That's two reboots too far." (Solar Opposites, S03E07)
• "That's the sexiest motherfucking Beyblade I've ever seen." (Solar Opposites, S03E07)
• "Don't waste that whole Lakitu cloud on being sour!" (Solar Opposites, S03E07)
• "What's wrong, baby girl? Did someone finally notice you have a Minnesota accent even though you're from outer space?" (Solar Opposites, S03E07)
• "Scholastic Headquarters. Or what's left of it anyway."
  "The school book fair industry is dying because of fucks like you." (Solar Opposites, S03E07)
• "Jesse, where are you? Whoa, you're all that!"
  ♫: Great Value "Kiss Me" (Solar Opposites, S03E07)
• "What's the statute of limitations on being indirectly involved in the shooting of a man's foot?"
  "Bing says seven years, but Facebook is still saying Biden lost the election." (Solar Opposites, S03E07)
• "Obviously we should reward ourselves. But how? I mean, pancakes and oral… Crepes and rimming…"
  "We do crepes and rimming too much. It's, it's not a treat anymore." (Solar Opposites, S03E08)
• "We don't have time for this Skyrim side quest bullshit." (Solar Opposites, S03E08)
• "I'm starting to feel like we might be trapped in a Wicker Man, the movie, not that guy who up-sells us at Pier One Imports."
  "Personally, I think we're trapped in a Midsom-mar."
  "It's pronounced 'midsummer.'"
  "That's just a millennial-dusted Wicker Man remake."
  "Nah, we're in a The Truman Show."
  "It doesn't matter what movie we're trapped in. This town is out to get us. We should get the fuck outta here. Somebody take notes, Jordan Peele's gonna need to hear about this town." (Solar Opposites, S03E08)
• "Wait! We forgot the Pupa! Did we leave him in the lodge?"
  "I'm not sure we brought him at all. Isn't he at home?"
  "Aw geez. We left him in the school betting story!" (Solar Opposites, S03E08)
• "Everyone you care about is going to get pooped out of my ass!" (Solar Opposites, S03E08)
• "You can have a house with all the latest bells and whistles. And plenty of room to run and play."
  "Right. I mostly just read Zootopia porn, so…" (Resident Evil, S01E01)
• "I don't want you fired. I want you blacklisted. I want it so that no tech company ever hires you. Not Apple. Not Google. I want Pornbub to shred your résumé." (Resident Evil, S01E01)

28. Bird and Bunnies (Only Murders in the Building, S02E03)

Stray Observations

• Joseline (P-Valley, S02E05)
• ♫: O.T. Genasis – "CoCo" (P-Valley, S02E05)
• "Be careful of becoming a man's Barbie doll. He'll always find another one to buy." (P-Valley, S02E05)

(P-Valley, S02E05)

• "You might just need to get him a bіtch." (P-Valley, S02E05)
• "I'm finna go lay my ass in the hearse." (P-Valley, S02E05)
• "Them nasty lil' lɑp dɑnces you be doin' ain't no spectacle. They just a—"
  "Symbolic gesture, made to give the customers the upper hand. But the lady that really in control is me. Cuz they ain't gettin' none. I make 'em thank it, and thankin' is what make 'em cum. It's not nasty. It's charity." (P-Valley, S02E05)
• Derrick serving Keyshawn a hot dog (P-Valley, S02E05)
• "So…how you wanna be buried?" (P-Valley, S02E05)
• "We'll all be the drones?"
  "You're already drones. Humans will do anything as long as it confirms something they need to believe about themselves." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E10)
• "You're about to become legend. I thought you were paying attention. Your little video started it. They're buzzing with the mystery. Like that computer guy in black turtlenecks. You'll be worshipped. You're the next him. You have to be."
  "Why do I have to be?"
  "Because when we make it back, if we make it back, someone has to stop them from slaughtering us when we land. Someone with actual power. Someone who is everything they wanna be."
  "Jesus Christ."
  "Exactly. Look what they did to him." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E10)
• "That's some potent loathing." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E10)
• </The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01>
• "Hey, yo, Luka Doncic, what's up with my bike?"
  "He probably means me." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E03)
• "Yeah, you figure all that shit out, and you gon' report to my mans."
  "Your man… Is your mans one or two people?"
  "Man, and you gon' let him know how she doing in class."
  "Him. One person. Okay." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E03)
• "This is your dick, yeah?"
  "Well, I'm blessed."
  "Okay." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E03)
• "I-I, you know, I-I dropped him as my sponsor."
  "Why?"
  "Because he was just kind of talking at me. He wasn't really listening."
  "Yeah. I mean, it takes time. It's like a relationship, you know?"
  "I don't like those, either." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E03)
• "I don't even got no bread left no more for my side bitches. One of them wanted to go to the club. I had to order bottles to the crib and flick the lights for two hours, in between them dumb ass commercials on Spotify every other song." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E03)
• "So, Amy Schumer started renovating the penthouse without all the necessary permits. Thoughts?"
  "I heard it was very Z Gallerie circa '92 in Sting's place, so anything's better than that." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E03)
• "You know, I really think that I've leveled up since Tim's murder." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E03)
• "No human alive can resist the smell of fresh-fried paratha." (Ms. Marvel, S01E05)
• "Ammi, she's still not home."
  "You know, Magnum got lost once, I had him micro-chipped."
  "Okay, Ammi, Magnum is a dog. Kamala is a girl. Okay? Trust me, if it was legal, I would do it." (Ms. Marvel, S01E05)
• "If Kamala's phone is on your family plan, you can just log into your account and use the 'find my phone' feature to see where she is."
  "Like spyware for parents?"
  "Kind of."
  "Then why am I only just hearing about this?" (Ms. Marvel, S01E05)
• "Argon. [chuckles] It's one of my favorite elements. Yeah. [pause] So, you're a car guy as well?" (Ms. Marvel, S01E05)
• "Who's gonna do some Anal Angst with me?"
  "My doctor says I can't go hotter than Tabasco anymore." (Players, S01E07)
• "One time, I casually mentioned to Trevor that I liked Toblerone chocolate bars. Then the very next day, at lunch, he gave me a Toblerone."
  "She fucking loved them, so I was like, 'To show my love, I'm gonna get this girl a Toblerone every single day.'"
  "And then, he-he kept bringing Toblerones… And it just became like, 'Wha… Do you expect me to eat, like, a Toblerone a day?'"
  "Turns out, Toblerones are not the cheapest candy." (Players, S01E07)
• "I had just graduated and got this gig as a brand ambassador at a gaming expo called PAX West." (Players, S01E07)
• "How do I explain that to him?"
  "Rich folks don't explain shit." (The Old Man, S01E05)
• "No one likes Rob Roy more than Braveheart. No one."
  "That's what I keep telling him."
  "It is more historically accurate."
  "Says who, Liam Neeson?"
  "Edward the Longshanks did not die on the same day as William Wallace, and the Battle of Stirling didn't take place—"
  "God, it doesn't matter."
  "Yeah. One's a great movie, the other stars Jessica Lange." (Black Bird, S01E02)

(The Boys, S03E08)

• "You shut your fucking cake hole, Frenchie."
  "No. No! No, my cake hole will remain open!" (The Boys, S03E08)
• "You ain't no hero. You're just another racist piece of shit we can't seem to get rid of." (The Boys, S03E08)
• "Butcher can suck my shit." (The Boys, S03E08)
• </The Boys, S03>

27. Maximum Male Models (WWE Friday Night SmackDown, 1 Jul 2022)

Stray Observations

• ♫: Future – "Mask Off" (P-Valley, S02E04)
• ♫: Al Kapone – "Whoop That Trick" (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "Niggahs ain't shit" ringtone (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "Expressway's backed up worse than a bіtch on Percocets." (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "Yo' name must be T'Challa with alla that goin on witcho tongue."
  "It's actually Godfrey."
  "Oh, sh…he yell. Ain't that a white name?" (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "This world don't want a niggah, maine. Not a good niggah, bad niggah, rich niggah, poor niggah, big niggah, dumb niggah, pimp niggah, president niggah! Don't matter what kinda niggah you become, you still just a menace to society." (P-Valley, S02E04)
• Big Teak putting a condom on Lil Murda (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "Ooh, but there but for the grace of Yves Saint Rona." (P-Valley, S02E04)
• "What do you look like? Under this skin?"
  "You're obsessed with skin. Skin is one of your gods. You've created cults around it. Commit genocide. Murder every day in its name." (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E09)
• "What's up, man? You boxing now?"
  "Yeah. Well, you know, I need to. I got into a fight with one of my students, and, uh, she got lucky."
  "She?"
  "Yeah. I got one good punch in there, and then she knocked my ass out."
  "Man."
  "H-Here, here. Help me with this."
  "They fired you?"
  "No, no. But I'm-a wait till she graduates so we can fight legally." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E02)
• "Yo, I got something for you though. For your son, you know? You said he liked YoungBoy."
  "Yeah, but I don't want him listening to him."
  "Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S02E02)
• "Is that a shadow? Or a tiny little bit of his balls?" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• Selena Gomez and Cara Delevingne making out to Billie Eilish (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• "Amy Schumer is not a thief or a killer!" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• "Charles-Haden Savage. I wanted chest hair because of you."
  "And she got it, too."
  "As a little girl, I would practice my signature. 'Amy Schumer Savage.' A-S-S. Ass…"
  "Oh. Thank you?" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• "Get it out of my Sting's apartment!" (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• "Even in death, Bunny figures out a way to give you the bird." (Only Murders in the Building, S02E02)
• "Is this not exotic enough for the ABCD's Instagram? You know, American-Born Confused Desi." (Ms. Marvel, S01E04)
• "Do all masked Americans have superpowers?"
  "How do you know I'm not Canadian?"
  "You're wearing a shirt that says 'New Jersey.' What is this look?"
  "No one likes the outfit, huh?" (Ms. Marvel, S01E04)
• "Why is the hot and sour soup so red?"
  "That's the color it's supposed to be. Did you Americans find a way to whitewash the Chinese food too?" (Ms. Marvel, S01E04)
• "I was just there on the corner there and I saw a tray of steaks drop on the fucking floor, and we've just put them back on the grill."
  "Chef, I figured it was going to kill the bacteria." (MasterChef, S12E06)
• "And for the life of me, I just, I can't understand why you would let her."
  "Do you have kids, Ray?"
  "No. No, I do not."
  "One day, if you do, when the time comes for them to break your heart, remember I told you this. The moment you let them in…you were asking for it." (The Old Man, S01E04)
• "Money is not just money. What it always is is a measure of discomfort. H… How badly do I want this? How badly do I want to avoid that? How much power do I have to make it so?" (The Old Man, S01E04)
• "The thing is, to be American means knowing you're the hero. So what do we do? We sweep all our filthy sh¡t under the rug and we tell ourselves a myth like Soldier Boy." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "I'm not letting you live. I'm keeping you alive." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "Better high than mental." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "We're your best pals, aren't we? We got you through that erection in the seventh grade, that Hard Rock Cafe m-m-massacre in Lagos. And by golly, we'll get you through this, too." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "If you're gonna act hysterical, I'm gonna slap you like I'm Connery." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "You're an idiot, Kevin."
  "Then why did Dave Eggers say I have a formidable intellect, huh?" (The Boys, S03E07)
• "Why would you say all those horrible things about me to Don Simpson?" (The Boys, S03E07)
• "We are already working on your new movie. Training A-Train. Gritty biopic. You're a roughneck gangbanger from the South Side slanging that yayo when a track coach… We're thinking Tom Hanks… Teaches you a more civilized way. We're out to Sir Julian Fellowes to write." (The Boys, S03E07)
• "I ditch Kate Bush, I draw his focus back to me." (Stranger Things, S04E08)
• "Okay, but the second you start to lift, I'm calling in Kate Bush." (Stranger Things, S04E08)
• "I mean, it just doesn't make sense."
  "What doesn't make sense?"
  "That was Dan Shelter. He graduated, like, two years ago."
  "So?"
  "So he's in college. Which means he was visiting on spring break. Fast Times was returned, like, I don't know, a week ago? Right? Unless she's got some horndog brother that we don't know about. Which is possible. Or she's just, like, really into Judge Reinhold?" (Stranger Things, S04E08)
• ♫: Journey – "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) [Bryce Miller/Alloy Tracks Remix]" (Stranger Things, S04E08)
• "Are you… Are you real? Di… Did I make you?"
  "I'm real"
  "How?"
  "I piggybacked from a pizza dough freezer." (Stranger Things, S04E09)
• Hopper with a sword (Stranger Things, S04E09)
• Nancy with a shotgun (Stranger Things, S04E09)
• "Great. More hysteria. Just what we need."
  "Well, it's the news. Now indistinguishable from the tabloids." (Stranger Things, S04E09)
• </Stranger Things, S04>