Adam Riff™

18. Golf Wang (365 Days: This Day)

Stray Observations

(Gaslit, S01E01)

• "Hey! Language, language, language. Don't make me bust out the swear jar."
  "Too late for that, Coach. Spence got mama's titties on the wall." (Winning Time, S01E08)
• "Mm. The Colonel has arrived! Ma, what do you like? Breast? Thigh?"
  "You tell me, you're the connoisseur."
  "Well, I like 69, but to each their own." (Winning Time, S01E08)
• "Now, the commissioner sees an opportunity for a new PR push. East versus west, city kid versus farm boy."
  "Luke Skywalker versus Darth Vader."
  "That's the kind of box office we want."
  "Got the wrong Luke then. Larry got the whiteness, but he ain't got the Force." (Winning Time, S01E08)
• "Just let me fucking pee in peace!" (Winning Time, S01E08)
• Paul Westhead peeing blood (Winning Time, S01E08)
• "Do you know why I picked you, Paul? Because I know how hard that job can be. How frustrating… Being stuck as someone's flunky when you're capable of more. I didn't want someone to go through that. Like I did. That's why I picked you. Because you're not capable of more. No… Actually, that's not fair. I thought I saw loyalty. So, you did surprise me after all." (Winning Time, S01E08)
• "That's why you ain't want to draft me? Think I needed to be liked?"
  "I thought you were a little too happy."
  "Well, I'm a happy guy."
  "No, you're not. No, you hide it behind those set of pearly whites, so most folks never know. But, I do. Because I know that feeling. If I had any sense, I'd be sitting on a fuckin' beach right now…with my beautiful bride sipping Mai Tais and giving her a baby. But I told her… Riley needed backup, so I swung out here to watch you guys living a life I bitched about for 20 fuckin' years. Go fuckin' figure."
  "You think we got what it take to win it all?"
  "Got the talent. That's a gimme. But that's only ever gonna get you press and pussy, though. A championship… Well…that takes a real killer. I scored 25,192 points in my career. You know what keeps me up? If I'd scored 10 more in just five games, I'd have five rings instead of fuckin' nightmares."
  "You got that one, though."
  "Yeah. And I wouldn't give it up for all the fucking happy in the world. Happy's a distraction. Nobody… Nobody will ever understand that. Not your family. Not your fucking teammates. Not your woman. Nobody. Matter of fact, they might even hate your fucking guts because of it." (Winning Time, S01E08)
• Vomiting rings (The Man Who Fell to Earth, S01E01)
• "PLANTS!" (Barry, S03E01)
• ♫: Russian "Africa" (Barry, S03E01)
• "Hide heroin? Fucking bitch!" (Barry, S03E01)
• "Flaky Critters" (Barry, S03E01)

(Barry, S03E01)

• "Oh! Are those for me?"
  "I got 'em from Ralphs." (Barry, S03E01)
• "Forgiveness is something that has to be earned. And whatever shit you're going through… I can't be part of it. I'm embracing my life. It's like that line in Shawshank Redemption. 'Get rich, or die trying.'" (Barry, S03E01)

(Barry, S03E01)

• ♫: Candi Staton – "He Called Me Baby" (The Baby, S01E01)
• Main titles using Verdana (We Own This City, S01E01)
• "And how do you know they're a he?"
  "Well, I was just assuming because 'Gefilte' is traditionally a boy's name." (Better Things, S05E10)
• "I mean, who could be better? He's been pre-disastered, like Garp." (Better Things, S05E10)
• Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell (Better Things, S05E10)
• ♫: Ending with "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life," a bookend to the Monty Python song in the premiere (Better Things, S05E09)
• </Better Things, S05>
• "Tommy, that was weird, right?"
  "I feel like I could say anything because this is monologue energy." (Mr. Mayor, S02E07)
• "Good luck, prostitute." (Mr. Mayor, S02E07)
• Mary Steenburgen (Mr. Mayor, S02E07)
• "Look, I get that diarrhea isn't flashy. Except when there's glitter in it, which is quite common for craft store employees."
  "I don't want to be the diarrhea mayor, Arpi." (Mr. Mayor, S02E07)
• "We have to solve the stupid murder so we can all go home. Wendy Williams is on Corden tonight, and I love not knowing how to feel about that." (Mr. Mayor, S02E07)
• "The supermarket billionaire. He invented cashiers saying, 'Oh, I've tried that. You're gonna love it.'" (Mr. Mayor, S02E07)
• "Is it a coincidence that the county just condemned four square blocks of downtown LA's historic Murder Hotel District?" (Mr. Mayor, S02E07)
• "But there is a silver lining."
  "Oh, you saw my underwear. Yeah, that's for odor." (Mr. Mayor, S02E07)
• "Okay, so when COVID started, I'd been dating somebody for about three months, and, um, Paige and I…"
  "Paige? She sounds white. Sorry. Go on." (Mr. Mayor, S02E07)
• "What are you proposing?"
  "If it comes to it, kill the hippo, steal the boat." (Moon Knight, S01E05)
• "You do not need to see that. That's the whole point of you."
  "The point of me? What? To be your stress ball?" (Moon Knight, S01E05)
• "It's so strange. The little haircut. Little silly 'tache there. It's very Ned Flanders." (Moon Knight, S01E05)
• "Marc, you've got this. But if I'm you… It means I've got this too." (Moon Knight, S01E05)
• </Tokyo Vice, S01>
• "Did you eat my ham?" (The Offer, S01E02)
• ♫: The Rolling Stones – "Can't You Hear Me Knocking" (The Offer, S01E02)
• "Oh, Janis Joplin died. That's so tragic."
  "What's tragic is OD-ing over a canceled ménage à trois with two other women."
  "Do you ever not have a spin on things?" (The Offer, S01E03)
• The Proud Family (Atlanta, S03E07)
• "It's bland."
  "Do you want me to put something on it for you?"
  "Spicy curry mango?" (Atlanta, S03E07)
• "Yep. We are out there."
  "Hmm. Practically in the islands." (Atlanta, S03E07)
• "Cockroach has no place at fowl party." (Atlanta, S03E07)
• Chet Hanks (Atlanta, S03E07)

(Atlanta, S03E07)

• "You know, when I was putting Sebastian to bed tonight, I asked him, 'What do you want to be when you grow up?,' and he said, 'I want to play steelpan like Uncle Samuel.'" (Atlanta, S03E07)
• ♫: Dan Mangan – "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea" (Pachinko, S01E08)
• </Pachinko, S01>
• </Slow Horses, S01>
• "You think I give a slick shit about you and your middle-class love puppy with his original fucking teeth?" (Killing It, S01E05)
• "But this is me, just a girl standing in front of a boy using her original teeth to ask for a second chance." (Killing It, S01E05)
• "So the fire spread from the putt-putt to the strip mall next door, damaging the tanning salon, the bong store, and the Boost Mobile."
  "Damn, a Florida trifecta." (Killing It, S01E06)
• "If you don't vote and I lose the right to my uterus."
  "Ah, don't put your uterus on the table like that." (Killing It, S01E06)
• "Haters call me crazy. Smart people call me for advice. Martin Luther King said that."
  "I'm pretty sure Martin Luther King didn't talk about haters."
  "Yeah, he did. It was his whole thing. Racists are the ultimate haters, dude." (Killing It, S01E07)
• "Boss up and breathe, you mοthеrfuckеr!"
  "He's got a hole in his neck. I don't think he can 'boss up.'" (Killing It, S01E07)
• "This is huge for us. Why you not smiling? Oh, it's because you hate being in the swamp with a naked corpse? I see." (Killing It, S01E07)
• ♫: The Pharcyde – "Oh Shit" (Killing It, S01E07)
• "I can get anyone two million followers. Take my client Terry Almost Drowns. She had no brand. Poor thing. She was just a woman who almost drowned at a Fourth of July party, but I saw something in her. She was funny when she almost drowned, you know? And she had a good body. She had that definition that's, like, kind of right in the waist. There's a word, the… It points… Cum gutters. And I look at her six months later, she's doing a Super Bowl commercial for Oikos. She almost drowns, but in Greek yogurt." (Killing It, S01E08)
• "Yo, thank you so much to everybody who came out to the water park in Tampa. It was amazing meeting so many girls with just really long wet hair." (Killing It, S01E08)
• "Dear Lord, we thank you for this feast, and we thank you for our followers. We pray that you grant us increased engagement across all platforms." (Killing It, S01E08)
• "That Kev guy's a fucking joke."
  "He discovered Terry Almost Drowns, Corby!" (Killing It, S01E08)
• "Eat faster, snake!"
  "He don't speak English."
  "Come rápido." (Killing It, S01E09)
• "Give me your shoe. Hurry up."
  "Wait, you're throwing it? Why don't you use your own shoe? […] I see why."
  "Shit, where's it going now? Will you come on?"
  "I only got one shoe!"
  "In a swamp? What's wrong with you?" (Killing It, S01E09)

(Killing It, S01E09)

• "What is happening?"
  ""I think this is a MAGA household. I think this dog loves Donald Trump!"
  "Fucking dog Republican. Fucking can't wait to lower dog taxes." (Killing It, S01E09)
• ♫: Bryan Ferry – "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall" (Killing It, S01E09)
• "Oh, it's not gonna be a regular death, though. He's gonna probably hang me from a building or make me lick poison off some money." (Killing It, S01E10)
• "If you need anything at all, we're here for you."
  "Thanks. But didn't you guys say you needed a favor?"
  "What? Definitely not."
  "We're here for you, champ."
  "We're not heroes."
  "We're just friends."
  "Friends without motives." (Killing It, S01E10)
• "All right. Well, good job, homewrecker." (Killing It, S01E10)
• "I got a sponsor. They're these pills you take to dehydrate yourself so you look hot for selfies." (Killing It, S01E10)
• "Cheesy, beefy, caliente!" (Killing It, S01E10)
• "What about Nemo's mom in Finding Nemo? You think she got what was coming to her?"
  "We don't know what Nemo's mom did before the movie started. We don't know how she was."
  "If that's what you got to tell yourself."
  "Nemo's mom was a computer fish." (Killing It, S01E10)
• </Killing It, S01>

17. Acting! (The First Lady, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

• Re-invest in your hood (Atlanta, S03E06)

Stray Observations

(Winning Time, S01E07)

• "You could've wore a disco ball, bitch." (Winning Time, S01E07)
• "Lay off the fuckin' french fries."
  "I like french fries." (Winning Time, S01E07)
• "Who watches basketball on Christmas?" (Winning Time, S01E07)
• "It's the dramatist in me." (Winning Time, S01E07)
• "I heard you. Yeah. Work the tip."
  "Work the refs! Work the refs! I didn't say blow 'em!" (Winning Time, S01E07)
• "Dude don't say two words. Don't smile. Don't even try. And they love him anyway. Like I ain't even there."
  "The invisible man."
  "Just like the movie.
  "There's a book, too. Point remains." (Winning Time, S01E07)
• "It's a vegetable. Like your coach." (Winning Time, S01E07)
• "Repeat after me. Fuck Boston." (Winning Time, S01E07)
• "It's a music box. It's quite Jewish." (Better Things, S05E09)
• "Flat or sparkling?"
  "We like the free kind, the tap." (Better Things, S05E09)
• "Congratulations for liftoff of your throne. I got you psyllium husk for binding." (Better Things, S05E09)
• "I'm saving a little bit of her for myself." [to pee on in a portaloo] (Better Things, S05E09)
• "I would like to introduce the 2022 Mayor's Youth Leadership Program participants. And in the interest of inclusion, partici-skirts." (Mr. Mayor, S02E06)
• "Dead wives. Can't live with them. Obviously." (Mr. Mayor, S02E06)
• "Bad guys are cooler, right? Look at Gru." (Mr. Mayor, S02E06)
• "I appreciate your concern, mate. I really do. But we've got it from here."
  "I swear to you, Steven. I swear…"
  "If I need a recipe for a protein shake or something, I'll call you." (Moon Knight, S01E04)
• "Sorry, Mr. Great." (Moon Knight, S01E04)
• "I am keenly aware that my lungs are essentially two shriveled up Nick Caves." (Russian Doll, S02E01)
• "Okay, got 'em."
  "Okay. If by 'them' you mean my pussy lips in a twist, uh, mission accomplished." (Russian Doll, S02E01)
• "I gotta take a leak. My bladder's really fucking my dick tonight." (Russian Doll, S02E01)
• "I wish I knew what to say, but I'm just not taking the 6 train into my mom." (Russian Doll, S02E01)
• "You're not a creationist, are you?"
  "Ah, wouldn't it be nice to have someone to blame?" (Russian Doll, S02E03)
• "It's coexistence and lack of existence at once." (Russian Doll, S02E04)
• "Happy to remain a missed connection, okay?" (Russian Doll, S02E06)
• PrEP pamphlet (Russian Doll, S02E06)
• "Babies are true materialists." (Russian Doll, S02E07)
• </Russian Doll, S02>
• "Listen to me, you cracker motherfucker." (Snowfall, S05E10)
• </Snowfall, S05>
• "Jollof? I haven't heard of it."
  "It's as if your taste buds are being scammed by a Nigerian prince at a Burna concert." (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "You're not worried about, you know, what the streets think?"
  "The streets? Man, fuck the streets. Man, I've shot niggas." (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "So, is this your first time apologizing for white people?"
  "Apologizing?"
  "Yeah. It's the best. The dinners are amazing. I haven't paid for a meal in 73 police shootings." (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "This movie is so crazy."
  "Yeah."
  "Is it Hamlet?"
  "Not quite. It's called Sharon Stone. It has a sequel." (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "My nigga… Are you black?" (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "Khalil, man, I don't even know what your charity does, man."
  "It's like Blue Man Group, but activism." (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "Like, we sitting here, a bunch of black people…black-adjacent influencers…" (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "That don't sound right when you say it. Does he say 'nigga' a lot?" (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "Naija Bowl: The Taste of Nigeria" (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "Yeah, brown jollof, shredded carrots, golden raisins, and kids jollof." (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "Oh, one Malibu and one cheesy jollof." (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "It's a peach barbecue reduction and chunks." (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "Don't I gotta pay for this?"
  "No. It's on me. And your money is literally no good here. Card only." (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "Nigga, I know what the fuck the red cross is! It's the worst one!" (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "Do you remember on Nickelodeon around Halloween they'd have Nick or Treat?" (Atlanta, S03E06)
• ♫: BADBADNOTGOOD – "In Your Eyes [feat. Charlotte Day Wilson]" (Atlanta, S03E06)
• "There are no Fritos in that hole, Karl." (Outer Range, S01E04)
• "Is this a joke?"
  "No, it's the Proclaimers." (Slow Horses, S01E05)
• "From now on…you must kill me in your heart. You'll be better for it." (Pachinko, S01E07)
• ♫: Peace – "Lovesick" (Heartstopper, S01E01)
• Pirates of the Caribbean bi-sexua-lust (Heartstopper, S01E06)
• "Lesbians are so disgusting." (Heartstopper, S01E06)
• ♫: Lincoln – "Smokey Eyes" (Heartstopper, S01E07)
• "Oh, my god, I like you so much. And I love liking you." (Heartstopper, S01E08)
• </Heartstopper, S01>
• "Yeah, well, at least I didn't get a D in math, Corby."
  "Yeah, that's because I can never do my homework because I'm always editing your stupid videos."
  "I'm trying to set you up for life. Would you rather know geometry or be proficient in Adobe Premiere?"
  "Math."
  "No one gives a shit about triangles anymore, Corby." (Killing It, S01E04)
• "It looks like you've peed yourself."
  "That's just snake pee. The snake peed on top of my penis when he got scared. Right on top." (Killing It, S01E04)
• "You ever WOWO, work out with oxygen?" (Killing It, S01E04)
• "I'm 42, but I look 31, and fuck, I feel 14. I had a wet dream last night, motherfucker." (Killing It, S01E04)
• "You think you get a fucking say in this, Jarren? Do the fuck¡ng elves get to tell Santa which kids were naughty? No. What do the elves do? Nothing. They're just short losers." (Killing It, S01E04)
• "I can't put pressure on my right elbow. So I can't be on top during sex, which is, like, my best position. It's my go-to. It's the one I grew up doing the most. So it's only natural Robin's gonna be with somebody else. But as soon as my elbow is fixed, well, then I'm back on top. On top of my wife, on top of my life." (Killing It, S01E04)
• ♫: Bloodhound Gang – "Fire Water Burn" (Killing It, S01E04)

16. ♫: Backstreet Boys – "I Want It That Way" (Tokyo Vice, S01E04)

Honourable Mention

• Modestly teasing a future WrestleMania match between The Rock and Roman Reigns (Young Rock, S02E05)
• Roblox (The Kardashians, S01E01)
• Jalapeño hand job (Minx, S01E10)

Stray Observations

• "All they pick up in Sacramento is the clap." (Winning Time, S01E06)
• Wood and Steve Harris (Winning Time, S01E06)
• "What's your real name, Magic?"
  "Earvin."
  "Say 'presto' to that motherfucker. He's gone. That's the first cost of doin' business with the white man." (Winning Time, S01E06)
• "If you wanna celebrate after the game, party's at my place in the hills."
  "Come on up, man. We got it all. Man, we got white bitches, 7-Up, and cocaine." (Winning Time, S01E06)
• ♫: Pastor T.L. Barrett and the Youth for Christ Choir – "Nobody Knows" (Winning Time, S01E06)
• "The pet lesbians are here to take care of your pets."
  "Well, we're here to turn your pets into lesbians."
  "Oh, we are the Quantico of lesbianism for pets." (Better Things, S05E08)
• "Oh, you better have a lot of shit bags." (Better Things, S05E08)
• "I don't trust white South Africans." (Better Things, S05E08)
• "Whatever was special about me is gone."
  "Never gone. Just changing. Everything changes. Everything moves ever forward. One day, trash. Next day, you're wearing diamond earrings." (Better Things, S05E08)
• "Jesus does save. Indominus nabiscos." (Better Things, S05E08)
• "My dried flower arrangements are out there. They're Kelly Clarkson for Wayfair!" (Mr. Mayor, S02E05)
• "The Town 2, colon, Town and Out? You're shooting LA for Boston?"
  "They're gonna change the palm trees to statues of John Adams. It'll be fine." (Mr. Mayor, S02E05)
• "I figured I wasn't his type. Then he ended up marrying David Spade's stunt woman, so that's how wrong I was." (Mr. Mayor, S02E05)
• "I'm not used to playing the BFF role, so I looked up some girl power quotes online. 'Being in the Spice Girls was an insane experience' – Melanie Chisholm."
  "Yeah, it was. Okay, I got this."
  "But remember, per human resources, you only get to ask once, so don't blow it."
  "Oh, yeah, okay."
  "If he wants to be your lover, he's got to get with your friends." (Mr. Mayor, S02E05)
• "No, no, no, I'm the mayor."
  "Nice try. The mayor doesn't work 'til Friday, and he's Black. White mayors read as villains." (Mr. Mayor, S02E05)
• "Guess what I did with the money."
  "Looks like you got fillers." (Mr. Mayor, S02E05)
• "I don't know why people act like it's hard to watch kids, anyway. Watch this. Hey, when I move, you move."
  "Just like that!" (Abbott Elementary, S01E13)
• "Jadakiss don't even know, but we 'bout to have, like, the craziest rap beef in rap beef history. 'Cause you know, he stole my laugh." (Abbott Elementary, S01E13)
• "You like dancing? Well, this dance is called 'the vac it up.'" (Abbott Elementary, S01E13)
• "T. rex, he's the meanest, got little arms, can't even touch his…"
  "Tariq! Tariq."
  "…head…because all the dinosaurs is dead." (Abbott Elementary, S01E13)
• "Kondo, you so crazy." (Abbott Elementary, S01E13)
• </Abbott Elementary, S01>
• "Your torment forged me. I owe my victory to you." (Moon Knight, S01E03)
• "But what if I was wrong? What if it's…it's too late?"
  "Then you'd better win." (Snowfall, S05E09)
• "If I got to kill a cop and go get another one…I will." (Snowfall, S05E09)
• ♫: Run DMC – "It's Like That" (Snowfall, S05E09)
• "So I urge you, Samantha, to consider everything you have to lose here. And as your people would say, 'Choose the right.'" (Tokyo Vice, S01E04)
• ♫: *NSYNC – "Tearin' Up My Heart" (Tokyo Vice, S01E04)
• "A man without enemies is no man at all." (Tokyo Vice, S01E04)
• "When you accept favors from the yakuza, you open a door. Once open, it is very hard to close. Lie down with dogs, rise up with fleas." (Tokyo Vice, S01E05)
• "They're the best. They're little chocolate biscuits shaped like mushroom." (Tokyo Vice, S01E05)

(Minx, S01E09)

• "My dick is above the law, brother." (Minx, S01E09)

(Minx, S01E09)

• "What about the cops?"
  "I called, but it's a peaceful protest of white men, a famously calm, reasonable people." (Minx, S01E10)
• "Who knew virgins could be so mean?" (Minx, S01E10)
• </Minx, S01>
• "We spoke earlier today at the show."
  "Show?"
  "The-the Paper Boi concert."
  "Oh… Uh, the rap presentation." (Atlanta, S03E05)
• "I'm the white Liam Neeson, bruv." (Atlanta, S03E05)
• "We're not gonna hurt you. Nobody's gonna die, Wiley."
  "We all have to die sometime. You know that? Maybe my end…should come at the hands of Paper Boi." (Atlanta, S03E05)
• "Pookie stayed fucking her." (Atlanta, S03E05)
• "Good cop?"
  "Bad cop."
  "Devastated cop." (Atlanta, S03E05)
• "Were you told as a child 'you talk white'?"
  "Sometimes."
  "Must've made you feel separate."
  "What does that have to do with anything?"
  "Nothing, nothing. I think it's interesting when people aren't allowed in the group. The universal group. To be 'part of the team.' You know, people just want to be seen. Doesn't matter what for." (Atlanta, S03E05)
• "I'm so mad, I could kill this ni…oh, I'm so mad, man." (Atlanta, S03E05)
• ♫: The Temprees – "Dedicated to the One I Love" (Atlanta, S03E05)
• ♫: Leonard Cohen – "Avalanche" (Outer Range, S01E01)
• Singing Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing" in nothing but tighty whities (Outer Range, S01E02)
• "Royal, something to drink? Clamato?" (Outer Range, S01E02)
• "Thanks for the clam juice, Wayne." (Outer Range, S01E02)
• [♫: Coldplay – "The Scientist"]
  "Min, is there no way to turn that off?"
  "No. The CD's jammed in and the stereo doesn't turn off."
  "Can you at least change the song?"
  "It's stuck. It doesn't turn off. That's the issue."
  "Oh, my god." (Slow Horses, S01E04)
• "If anyone gets hurt, I'd rather it were Lamb. I can be sure of your silence. I won't lose any sleep over his." (Slow Horses, S01E04)
• "Prove that I mean more than those bitches from school." (Pachinko, S01E06)
• "Florida School of Excellence, class of '07. Go Titties! The old mascot was racist, so they let the students vote on a new one." (Killing It, S01E01)
• "Hey, that junkie's stealing drugs from a corpse!"
  "No, I wasn't! That's not what was happening! I wasn't stealing drugs! I was just— I just wanted to touch this dead man's dick! No law against that!"
  "There definitely is." (Killing It, S01E02)
• "I wanted to see how much trouble you were in."
  "It's only a misdemeanor since Silas can't press charges. It's actually a good loophole, stealing from a corpse."
  "You mean grave robbing?"
  "I guess I do mean grave robbing. Grave robbing is a life hack." (Killing It, S01E02)

(Killing It, S01E03)

(Killing It, S01E03)

• "I totally forgot. I'm already invested in the nighttime urination space." (Killing It, S01E03)
• "Craig, I want you to know how inspiring it was to hear about your struggle. Never stop struggling, okay?" (Killing It, S01E03)