Adam Riff™

27. Dr. Flowers (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)

Stray Observations

• "Security, we have an angry BIPOC in my building." (Blindspotting, S01E03)
• "Slap him."
  "Whoa, not in 2018, sir. You can't beat your kids like that, bruh."
  "You can't beat kids, but you can technically spank kids, which is just a slap. And when does a spank become a slap, you know? It's like a spanking of the face." (Blindspotting, S01E03)
• "This ain't Cirque du Ho-leil."
  "Did you say it just like that?"
  "Babe, maybe the bank isn't the problem. You get kind of excitable."
  "No, no, no, no, no. No, I do not get excitable, okay? I am just naturally a passionate person, shit."
  "Well, I feel your passion leans ratchet." (Blindspotting, S01E03)
• "Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for your San Francisco State dropout advice, okay?" (Blindspotting, S01E03)
• "I– I just need you to add value." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
• "(nitrous is a white drug)" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
• "Oh, damn! That's the internet! One minute! I'm gonna be right out! Don't go anywhere, internet!" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
• "Hey, yo, can you hear us?"
  "No, she can't. It's frozen."
  "How you know?"
  "That's just how technology works."
  "Control, alt, delete?"
  "No, what are you doing?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
• "You not gonna do this to me, all right? I'm not gonna be your whipping post, all right? I'll call that drug dealer nigga and have him do something to you. I know all the Black people in the world. You'll have a Million Man March all over your ass." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
• "Whenwolf."
  "Dracula."
  "You know why I'm here."
  "I'm safe here, Ian. Christianity hasn't been invented yet. Crosses are just baby Ts to me now. I got out. Please, don't invite me back in." (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
• "Password: 8, equal sign, equal sign, capital D." (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
• "Can you whip up a Starfox boss season four callback?" (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
• "Mr. President, I think the point of the electoral college is–"
  "To preserve slavery? That's right, Steve. I have the internet, too. Now take your white ass to the kitchenette and bring me a Diet Coke." (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
• "Christianity again? After cowboys? You went all the way back around?" (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
• "You know, it occurred to me that you're not really the God of Mischief."
  "Oh, here it comes. The folksy, dopey insult from the folksy dope. What am I? The God of Self-Sabotage, yeah? The God of Back-Stabbing?"
  "Just kind of an asshole and a bad friend." (Loki, S01E04)
• "What a incredible seismic narcissist. You fell for yourself." (Loki, S01E04)
• "Why did you bring me in?"
  "What does it matter?"
  "It was enough to take my life from me, lead to all of this. Must have been important. So, what was it?"
  "I don't remember." (Loki, S01E04)

(Loki, S01E04)

• "Well, these days I spend a lot of time writing."
  "Players' Tribune?" (Dave, S02E04)
• "'Race.' 'Privilege.' 'Lena Dunham'?" (Dave, S02E04)
• "You know, I was just gonna write a blurb on you about my name in your song."
  "Oh."
  "But, uh, if you want to do a deep dive, that's fine. That'll give me a chance to dig deeper."
  "Cool. That's great. Hope you like…Jews." (Dave, S02E04)
• "My mom sends me, like, a summary of, like, the current events, because, like, CNN.com, the format is just unbearable. I don't know how people read that website. Like, get better art direction." (Dave, S02E04)
• "I thought he was made of silk, but it's more like uncooked pasta." (Dave, S02E04)
• ♫: London Grammar – "Strong" (Genera+ion, S01E14)
• Top Chef: Portland Season Grade: C
• "And I'm just trying to make some money, because I'm, like, homeless right now."
  "Are you kidding me? You're crashing with Camille."
  "Homelessness is a spectrum." (Betty, S02E04)
• Amy Sedaris (Betty, S02E04)
• "I know what I'm doing. I just castrated a beaver." (Betty, S02E04)
• ♫: Unidentified Robbie Williams "Feel" cover (Betty, S02E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Girls5eva

26. True Bromance (Dave, S02E03)

Honourable Mention

• Tracking shot (Loki, S01E03)
• Megan sings Des'ree's "You Gotta Be" (Genera+ion, S01E13)

Stray Observations

• "Um…you don't have a book to explain to children what it's like in jail, do you?"
  "Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Not all in stock. But there's Visiting Daddy, that's a classic, The Night Dad Went to Jail, When Dad Was Away, What's Jail Mommy?, Prison Alphabet, that one's a coloring book, and then Missing Daddy. That's just what we have in the store. But I could order Let's Talk About Your Dad in Jail; Far Apart, Close in Heart; Waiting for Daddy; and Another New Dadless Year. I wouldn't recommend the last one." (Blindspotting, S01E02)
• Dropkick Murphys' "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" ringtone (Kevin Can Fuck Himself, S01E01)
• "Wait, this guy overdosed?"
  "Yeah."
  "But he was wearing a Patagonia vest.
  "Okay?"
  "Well, he could afford to shop at REI. He wasn't living on the street." (Kevin Can Fuck Himself, S01E02)
• "When have I convinced anyone of anything? I just say words and nobody listens."
  "You got that boy to give himself head in middle school." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E05)
• "Me and Drew used to play for rival basketball teams. And we was both smashing this pretty, fine, young, chocolate thing. Mm, and we had no idea until she came to the game and started rooting for both of us."
  "Damn. What y'all do?"
  "I don't know what he did, but I caught crabs." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E05)
• "She mad y'all lost?"
  "I don't think she cares."
  "It's not like she could fuck you less, so…" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E05)
• "Were we Blades in that one?" (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
• "Let's lick dicks." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
• "So time moves faster in there? It's like a Narnia thing?"
  "I'm not a beaver who believes in Jesus Christ, Morty." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
• "Police? A strange horny ocean man is on my lawn. Well, I don't see how that's relevant, but we're White." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
• Nintendo 69 (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
• "Stop eating beignets like that." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
• "What is this place?"
  "The end, but also a beginning. Isn't every end a beginning?"
  "Stay back! I don't want your stripped down Sundance sci-fi bullshit." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
• "All I do is eat ass and 69 Nintendos, bro." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
• "Why did I clone myself genitals?" (Rick and Morty, S05E01)

(Rick and Morty, S05E01)

• ♫: Hayley Kiyoko – "Demons" (Loki, S01E03)
• "You don't know how to re-charge it."
  "Of course I do. You're not the only tech savvy Loki."
  "Don't ever call me that."
  "Tech savvy?"
  "No, a Loki." (Loki, S01E03)
• "How about you? You're a prince. Must've been would-be princesses, or perhaps another prince."
  "A bit of both." (Loki, S01E03)
• "You're not a serious man."
  "You're right. I'm a god."
  "You're a clown. You got drunk on the train."
  "I'm hedonistic. That's what I do."
  "I'm hedonistic. A lot more than you, I assure you. But never at the expense of the mission." (Loki, S01E03)
• "I mean, this looks exactly how it did before. It's just now there's peanut butter."
  "Yeah, okay, that's why I told you to put olive oil first."
  "I didn't want to get the grease on my skin."
  "Grease on your skin? I got gum and peanut butter shoved up my ass."
  "All right, can we get…do this faster? Can I, like, just cut out the fucking hair with, like…?"
  "Chuck, you're not cutting my ass hair out."
  "Why? What do you need it for?"
  "I— Chuck, I don't know."
  "No one needs asshole hair. That's why women…go to their, uh…" (Dave, S02E03)
• "Like, we're not gay, we're just, like…"
  "Rich, white, and ain't got shit else to do." (Dave, S02E03)
• "You know why y'all like playing this little gay chicken game, right? 'Cause y'all ain't never had to deal with the consequences of the way y'all are. So y'all just run around this big-ass house looking for ways to flirt with some shit."
  "No, no, no. We're just— It's like— It's like bromance. Like a bromance movie."
  "You ever seen a Black bromance movie?"
  "Uh…"
  "Exactly."
  "Uh, Rush Hour?"
  "That's a Black dude and an Asian guy, bro."
  "Moonlight? What about Moonlight? Best Picture-winning Moonlight."
  "That wasn't a bromance movie. That was just a romance."
  "Why aren't there any Black bromance movies?"
  "I'm not about to unpack 400 years of Mandingo shit for y'all, too."
  "Bro, regardless, Black people, we gonna get judged, bro, if we're not winning championships or rapping about being the shit, period." (Dave, S02E03)
• "Could it be, like, genital herpes, 'cause…"
  "It could. It-it could spread."
  "Is the anus a genital?"
  "It's his asshole." (Dave, S02E03)
• "Man, I'll bet you this is where George Clooney got his titties done, come out looking like Batman." (Dave, S02E03)
• "'We'll Always Have Paris' is sophisticated and classy."
  "Do we really want to be dancing in a fake version of a city known for snobs and bombings?" (Genera+ion, S01E12)
• ♫: Becky and the Birds – "Do U Miss Me" (Genera+ion, S01E12)
• ♫: Shea Diamond – "I Am America" (Genera+ion, S01E13)
• Mythic Quest Season Grade: C
• "What's the primary directive?"
  "Don't neglect the clitoris." (Betty, S02E03)
• "There's absolutely no reason for there to be gold leaf in a soup."
  "I know, right? Who's the chef, Rick Ross?"
  "Rick Ross. ♫ M-m-m-Maybach meatballs. ♫" (Betty, S02E03)
• ♫: Crisaunt – "Skater Shawty" (Betty, S02E03)
• The Choe Show Season Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Girls5eva

Looking forward:

25. Ziwe with Adam Pally (Ziwe, S01E06)

Stray Observations

• "How many of y'all are in my house? Y'all are rolling deep as Adele." (Blindspotting, S01E01)
• "But a certain amount of fuckery is inevitable with my sister, okay?"
  "Miles, establish a fuckery cap!" (Blindspotting, S01E01)
• "Ugh, you are letting them change our way of life. We are liberated legs. We are well-ventilated coochie." (Blindspotting, S01E01)
• "Oh, yeah, I'm definitely using one of those illegally-smuggled butt phones. I braved the dangers of foreign ass to call you and tell you I love you." (Blindspotting, S01E01)
• Maria Bamford (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E04)
• "Come on. These big old niggas ain't gonna pick themselves."
  "They're begonias. Don't say that at the store." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E04)
• "Enough with the weed killer, man."
  "Weed killer? No, that's puppy piss, man."
  "Why do you have… You don't even have a dog."
  "I used to! This is old!" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E04)
• "Kev, look, I like you, but all we do is Fire Stick and fuck." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E04)
• "Shorty just been lying to me the whole time, talking about she like broke niggas."
  "Nobody likes broke niggas."
  "Exactly! I know! That's why I thought she was different!" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E04)
• Ziwe Season Grade: C
• "Some of us need this." (Loki, S01E02)
• Cyclist Loki (Loki, S01E02)
• "It's not Asgard, that's my lunch." (Loki, S01E02)
• Josta and BoKu (Loki, S01E02)
• "If you think too hard about where any of us came from, who we truly are, it sounds kinda ridiculous. Existence is chaos. Nothing makes any sense, so we try to make some sense of it." (Loki, S01E02)
• "God, now I understand why Thor found this so annoying." (Loki, S01E02)
• ♫: "I Took a Shit in Korea" (Dave, S02E01)
• "I got sucked last night." (Dave, S02E01)
• "Bro, I ain't trying to get A$AP Rocky'd in Korea." (Dave, S02E01)
• ♫: Jupither – "I Kissed a Boy" (Genera+ion, S01E09)
• "We are taking Riley to Delilah's, and then the world is our Din Thai Fung oyster." (Genera+ion, S01E10)
• "Oh, my God, the '90s were so fucked. What would it be like to have to call people for everything?" (Genera+ion, S01E10)
• ♫: Jodeci – "Freek'n You" (Betty, S02E02)
• ♫: Emmalyn – "#FreeTitties" (Betty, S02E02)
• "Can you spit in his sandwich?"
  "Oh, no, we don't do that anymore now." (Betty, S02E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Girls5eva

24. "Bashir with the Good Beard" (We Are Lady Parts, S01E02)

Honourable Mention

• Ziwe with Julio Torres (Ziwe, S01E05)

Stray Observations

• "I'm getting Pray on those drugs."
  "Well, baby, how we gonna do that?"
  "The only way you ever get white people to do anything: scare 'em." (Pose, S03E07)
• "I didn't know what to expect, but it kind of reminded me of church. The costumes, theatrics, worshipping. I'm into it."
  "So, when you walking, my man?"
  "Walking? Oh, nah. Nah, that's not my ministry." (Pose, S03E07)
• "Looks like we aren't the only ones who had the idea for a ladies' lunch."
  "Well, it is the Sex and the City effect."
  "These ladies all came into the city to have sex?" (Pose, S03E08)
• ♫: Whitney Houston – "My Love Is Your Love" (Pose, S03E08)
• Pose Season Grade: D
• "Nigga, you gentrifying too."
  "How? I'm sleeping on a couch."
  "Yeah, but you be at Drip ordering $8 oat milk mochas and shit."
  "Drip is Black-owned."
  "So? Black capitalism is still capitalism."
  "You be on Twitter too much." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E03)
• "When I was your age, I had my third business. You, you're smoking weed. Is Greta Ton-berg smoking weed?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E03)

(Ziwe, S01E05)

• "Dance like Martin would." (Ziwe, S01E05)
• "My dad is on the board of Goldman Sachs. One call and your whole job is privatized." (Loki, S01E01)
• "Madam, a god doesn't plead." (Loki, S01E01)
• "Not big on trust, are you?"
  "Trust is for children and dogs. There's only one person you can trust." (Loki, S01E01)
• "If looks could kill." (Loki, S01E01)
• "I can't believe you were D.B. Cooper. Come on!"
  "I was young, and I lost a bet to Thor." (Loki, S01E01)
• "You weren't born to be king, Loki. You were born to cause pain and suffering and death. That's how it is, that's how it was, that's how it will be. All so that others can achieve their best versions of themselves." (Loki, S01E01)
• Hacks Season Grade: C
• "I'm sorry, dear girl. There are certain octaves of the female voice that I am no longer able to hear."
  "I'll take it as a compliment you knew I was a girl." (Mythic Quest, S02E07)
• "You told Anne I was a fecund literary slut."
  "That was taken out of context. But I also stand by it."
  "You did everything you could to turn her against me!"
  "Oh, was I the one who gave you a face like a fucked ass?" (Mythic Quest, S02E07)
• "What glowing quotes grace the covers of your books these days?"
  "I'll have you know Harper's called my last book 'unbridled space smut.'" (Mythic Quest, S02E07)
• "The Longbottoms are notoriously robust of seed." (Mythic Quest, S02E07)
• "I'm glad you like the food, Carl. It means a lot coming from a man who knows his way around a rotisserie spit. Were you aware that your grandfather hawked chicken at the state fair?"
  "It was the Renaissance fair. And I was the Grand Roast-Master of an award-winning rotisserie chicken victualler's." (Mythic Quest, S02E07)
• "Well, this chicken man…is gonna shit in your desk, daddio." (Mythic Quest, S02E07)
• "So, Calpurnia, how long have you been a lesbian?" (Mythic Quest, S02E07)
• "Loba from Apex Legends." (Betty, S02E01)
• ♫: Lizzo – "Cuz I Love You" (Lupin, S02E03)
• Lupin Season Grade: C
• "No, you know what? We sound worse than wank."
  "What's worse than wank?"
  "Vegan cheese." (We Are Lady Parts, S01E01)
• "Do you think any self-respecting, God-fearing, Muslim man would want to marry you if he knew you had this old white man on your wall?"
  "That is not a white man. That is Don McLean." (We Are Lady Parts, S01E01)
• "Cheese bread?"
  "It's a tool of the patriarchy." (We Are Lady Parts, S01E02)
• "What if I puke? Or worse…what if poo comes?"
  "Poo is not gonna come." (We Are Lady Parts, S01E03)
• ♫: System of a Down – "Toxicity" (We Are Lady Parts, S01E03)
• "The real Slim Shady has a foot fetish. [snapping] The real Slim Shady is harbouring feelings of inadequacy." (We Are Lady Parts, S01E04)
• "The revolution will not be circumcised. [snapping applause]" (We Are Lady Parts, S01E04)
• "Maybe Saira was right. After all, last night I had performed poetry without excretions of any sort." (We Are Lady Parts, S01E04)
• ♫: Radiohead – "Creep" (We Are Lady Parts, S01E06)
• "Since when was Don McLean haram?" (We Are Lady Parts, S01E06)
• We Are Lady Parts Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Girls5eva