The tables are my corn

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Previously on Adam Riff™:

Cablp (pronounced Ca-blip) — short for Criss Angel's breakfast, lunch, and pizza — opens in July with fast-casual fare and more.

Where's the "C"?

Oh, that's Criss Angel's logo.

Criss Angel's Ablp.

Late to the party on the Foodie Magician, a professional magician who likes to eat out and entertain fellow diners while doing so.

"I've got a table from Prada over there," the chef said.

After a few more bites Mr. Beckerman jumped to his feet and stood next to Kevyn Jennings, a smartly dressed personal shopper for Prada; Eric Chelman, an art dealer from the Franklin Bowles Gallery in SoHo; and two friends of theirs from Switzerland.

"Happy Fashion Week, people!" Mr. Beckerman exclaimed. "I'm the foodie magician!" [source]

[snorts]

His signature trick is the one in which he seems to pluck the name of a favorite New York restaurant from a person's brain.

"Is it Ray's Pizza?"

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

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27. Dr. Flowers (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • "Security, we have an angry BIPOC in my building." (Blindspotting, S01E03)
  • "Slap him."
    "Whoa, not in 2018, sir. You can't beat your kids like that, bruh."
    "You can't beat kids, but you can technically spank kids, which is just a slap. And when does a spank become a slap, you know? It's like a spanking of the face." (Blindspotting, S01E03)
  • "This ain't Cirque du Ho-leil."
    "Did you say it just like that?"
    "Babe, maybe the bank isn't the problem. You get kind of excitable."
    "No, no, no, no, no. No, I do not get excitable, okay? I am just naturally a passionate person, shit."
    "Well, I feel your passion leans ratchet." (Blindspotting, S01E03)
  • "Oh, my gosh, thank you so much for your San Francisco State dropout advice, okay?" (Blindspotting, S01E03)
  • "I– I just need you to add value." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
  • "(nitrous is a white drug)" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
  • "Oh, damn! That's the internet! One minute! I'm gonna be right out! Don't go anywhere, internet!" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
  • "Hey, yo, can you hear us?"
    "No, she can't. It's frozen."
    "How you know?"
    "That's just how technology works."
    "Control, alt, delete?"
    "No, what are you doing?" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
  • "You not gonna do this to me, all right? I'm not gonna be your whipping post, all right? I'll call that drug dealer nigga and have him do something to you. I know all the Black people in the world. You'll have a Million Man March all over your ass." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E06)
  • "Whenwolf."
    "Dracula."
    "You know why I'm here."
    "I'm safe here, Ian. Christianity hasn't been invented yet. Crosses are just baby Ts to me now. I got out. Please, don't invite me back in." (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
  • "Password: 8, equal sign, equal sign, capital D." (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
  • "Can you whip up a Starfox boss season four callback?" (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
  • "Mr. President, I think the point of the electoral college is–"
    "To preserve slavery? That's right, Steve. I have the internet, too. Now take your white ass to the kitchenette and bring me a Diet Coke." (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
  • "Christianity again? After cowboys? You went all the way back around?" (Rick and Morty, S05E02)
  • "You know, it occurred to me that you're not really the God of Mischief."
    "Oh, here it comes. The folksy, dopey insult from the folksy dope. What am I? The God of Self-Sabotage, yeah? The God of Back-Stabbing?"
    "Just kind of an asshole and a bad friend." (Loki, S01E04)
  • "What a incredible seismic narcissist. You fell for yourself." (Loki, S01E04)
  • "Why did you bring me in?"
    "What does it matter?"
    "It was enough to take my life from me, lead to all of this. Must have been important. So, what was it?"
    "I don't remember." (Loki, S01E04)


(Loki, S01E04)

  • "Well, these days I spend a lot of time writing."
    "Players' Tribune?" (Dave, S02E04)
  • "'Race.' 'Privilege.' 'Lena Dunham'?" (Dave, S02E04)
  • "You know, I was just gonna write a blurb on you about my name in your song."
    "Oh."
    "But, uh, if you want to do a deep dive, that's fine. That'll give me a chance to dig deeper."
    "Cool. That's great. Hope you like…Jews." (Dave, S02E04)
  • "My mom sends me, like, a summary of, like, the current events, because, like, CNN.com, the format is just unbearable. I don't know how people read that website. Like, get better art direction." (Dave, S02E04)
  • "I thought he was made of silk, but it's more like uncooked pasta." (Dave, S02E04)
  • ♫: London Grammar – "Strong" (Genera+ion, S01E14)
  • Top Chef: Portland Season Grade: C
  • "And I'm just trying to make some money, because I'm, like, homeless right now."
    "Are you kidding me? You're crashing with Camille."
    "Homelessness is a spectrum." (Betty, S02E04)
  • Amy Sedaris (Betty, S02E04)
  • "I know what I'm doing. I just castrated a beaver." (Betty, S02E04)
  • ♫: Unidentified Robbie Williams "Feel" cover (Betty, S02E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Girls5eva

Lucky Wealth Cat

on

// Las Vegas, NV

Posting from Resorts World Las Vegas, which opened this past weekend.

I've stayed at hotels with no fourth floors before, but never one that skips floors 40-49 as well.

Oh! The holes in the massive LED screen on the face of the hotel are so rooms can have functional windows.

RWLV's housekeepers and custodians use Dyson cordless vacuums.

As the casino promotes cashless gambling, the hotel lobby shop couldn't accept credit cards. With cash, I paid $5.50[!!!] for a 20-ounce bottle of Coke Zero [Sugar].

RWLV's ballyhooed Famous Foods Street Eats food court was a mess. I waited 40 minutes for shen jiang bao and an hour for roast duck street tacos. It looks like you order from a tablet at each stall, but no, you can order from every stall in the food court at any stall. Visiting hordes, not enough tablets, every menu available on every tablet, not everyone aware of that fact, everyone browsing every menu before ordering, understaffed stalls, labour-intensive dishes…

Famous Foods' secret bar is well hidden.

RWLV's website:

PEPITA'S KITCHEN
Creator and owner of Pepita's Kitchen, Dedet de la Fuente (or 'Lechon Diva' as she’s affectionately known) quickly made her mark on Manila's local food scene with her exclusive 12-course private degustation dinners featuring her stuffed lechon creations that are commonly frequented by stars such as Martha Stewart and Adam Richman, and visited by the late Anthony Bourdain.

Why did they black out Bourdain's name?

RWLV's gym has Theraguns, and its pool deck features the only infinity-edged pool on the Strip.

What is the point of a pool that's 10 inches deep?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

26. True Bromance (Dave, S02E03)

Honourable Mention

  • Tracking shot (Loki, S01E03)
  • Megan sings Des'ree's "You Gotta Be" (Genera+ion, S01E13)

Stray Observations

  • "Um…you don't have a book to explain to children what it's like in jail, do you?"
    "Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Not all in stock. But there's Visiting Daddy, that's a classic, The Night Dad Went to Jail, When Dad Was Away, What's Jail Mommy?, Prison Alphabet, that one's a coloring book, and then Missing Daddy. That's just what we have in the store. But I could order Let's Talk About Your Dad in Jail; Far Apart, Close in Heart; Waiting for Daddy; and Another New Dadless Year. I wouldn't recommend the last one." (Blindspotting, S01E02)
  • Dropkick Murphys' "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" ringtone (Kevin Can Fuck Himself, S01E01)
  • "Wait, this guy overdosed?"
    "Yeah."
    "But he was wearing a Patagonia vest.
    "Okay?"
    "Well, he could afford to shop at REI. He wasn't living on the street." (Kevin Can Fuck Himself, S01E02)
  • "When have I convinced anyone of anything? I just say words and nobody listens."
    "You got that boy to give himself head in middle school." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E05)
  • "Me and Drew used to play for rival basketball teams. And we was both smashing this pretty, fine, young, chocolate thing. Mm, and we had no idea until she came to the game and started rooting for both of us."
    "Damn. What y'all do?"
    "I don't know what he did, but I caught crabs." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E05)
  • "She mad y'all lost?"
    "I don't think she cares."
    "It's not like she could fuck you less, so…" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E05)
  • "Were we Blades in that one?" (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
  • "Let's lick dicks." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
  • "So time moves faster in there? It's like a Narnia thing?"
    "I'm not a beaver who believes in Jesus Christ, Morty." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
  • "Police? A strange horny ocean man is on my lawn. Well, I don't see how that's relevant, but we're White." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
  • Nintendo 69 (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
  • "Stop eating beignets like that." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
  • "What is this place?"
    "The end, but also a beginning. Isn't every end a beginning?"
    "Stay back! I don't want your stripped down Sundance sci-fi bullshit." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
  • "All I do is eat ass and 69 Nintendos, bro." (Rick and Morty, S05E01)
  • "Why did I clone myself genitals?" (Rick and Morty, S05E01)


(Rick and Morty, S05E01)

  • ♫: Hayley Kiyoko – "Demons" (Loki, S01E03)
  • "You don't know how to re-charge it."
    "Of course I do. You're not the only tech savvy Loki."
    "Don't ever call me that."
    "Tech savvy?"
    "No, a Loki." (Loki, S01E03)
  • "How about you? You're a prince. Must've been would-be princesses, or perhaps another prince."
    "A bit of both." (Loki, S01E03)
  • "You're not a serious man."
    "You're right. I'm a god."
    "You're a clown. You got drunk on the train."
    "I'm hedonistic. That's what I do."
    "I'm hedonistic. A lot more than you, I assure you. But never at the expense of the mission." (Loki, S01E03)
  • "I mean, this looks exactly how it did before. It's just now there's peanut butter."
    "Yeah, okay, that's why I told you to put olive oil first."
    "I didn't want to get the grease on my skin."
    "Grease on your skin? I got gum and peanut butter shoved up my ass."
    "All right, can we get…do this faster? Can I, like, just cut out the fucking hair with, like…?"
    "Chuck, you're not cutting my ass hair out."
    "Why? What do you need it for?"
    "I— Chuck, I don't know."
    "No one needs asshole hair. That's why women…go to their, uh…" (Dave, S02E03)
  • "Like, we're not gay, we're just, like…"
    "Rich, white, and ain't got shit else to do." (Dave, S02E03)
  • "You know why y'all like playing this little gay chicken game, right? 'Cause y'all ain't never had to deal with the consequences of the way y'all are. So y'all just run around this big-ass house looking for ways to flirt with some shit."
    "No, no, no. We're just— It's like— It's like bromance. Like a bromance movie."
    "You ever seen a Black bromance movie?"
    "Uh…"
    "Exactly."
    "Uh, Rush Hour?"
    "That's a Black dude and an Asian guy, bro."
    "Moonlight? What about Moonlight? Best Picture-winning Moonlight."
    "That wasn't a bromance movie. That was just a romance."
    "Why aren't there any Black bromance movies?"
    "I'm not about to unpack 400 years of Mandingo shit for y'all, too."
    "Bro, regardless, Black people, we gonna get judged, bro, if we're not winning championships or rapping about being the shit, period." (Dave, S02E03)
  • "Could it be, like, genital herpes, 'cause…"
    "It could. It-it could spread."
    "Is the anus a genital?"
    "It's his asshole." (Dave, S02E03)
  • "Man, I'll bet you this is where George Clooney got his titties done, come out looking like Batman." (Dave, S02E03)
  • "'We'll Always Have Paris' is sophisticated and classy."
    "Do we really want to be dancing in a fake version of a city known for snobs and bombings?" (Genera+ion, S01E12)
  • ♫: Becky and the Birds – "Do U Miss Me" (Genera+ion, S01E12)
  • ♫: Shea Diamond – "I Am America" (Genera+ion, S01E13)
  • Mythic Quest Season Grade: C
  • "What's the primary directive?"
    "Don't neglect the clitoris." (Betty, S02E03)
  • "There's absolutely no reason for there to be gold leaf in a soup."
    "I know, right? Who's the chef, Rick Ross?"
    "Rick Ross. ♫ M-m-m-Maybach meatballs. ♫" (Betty, S02E03)
  • ♫: Crisaunt – "Skater Shawty" (Betty, S02E03)
  • The Choe Show Season Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Girls5eva

Looking forward:

No females we don't play for attention

on

Actual Tony Kornheiser Show episode descriptions:

Jun 18
Tony opens the show by talking about his new Revolution Toaster.

Jun 16
Tony opens the show by talking about his new toaster and some new wine glasses.

Jun 11
Tony opens the show by talking about his continuing quest to buy new wine glasses.

Jun 9
Tony opens the show by talking about a disturbing early morning encounter with a bird.

Jun 3
Tony opens the show by catching up with Jeanne and telling her about his attempt to buy wine glasses.

May 19
Tony opens the show by talking about his trouble with an ankle brace.

May 5
Tony opens the show by talking about his frustrating encounter with his insurance company as he tried to get an MRI on his ankle.

Apr 28
Tony opens the show by talking about a bad day for Max Scherzer and the Nats, and also about the movie That Thing You Do.

Apr 26
Tony opens the show by talking about National Pretzel Day, and also about being incredibly disoriented over the weekend.

Apr 21
Tony opens the show by talking about Nigel's mishap with the morning bagel delivery.

Apr 19
Tony opens the show by talking about L.L. Bean and targeted marketing.

Apr 12
Tony opens the show by talking about his trip to Delaware over the weekend and how Chessie ate a bone.

Apr 7
Tony opens the show by talking about Luka Garza winning the Wooden Award, and about watching The Godfather.

Apr 5
Tony opens the show by talking about dinosaurs, oil companies, Jordan Speith's win, and the women's college basketball championship game.

Mar 31
Tony opens the show by talking about Seder at his house for Passover.

Mar 29
Tony opens the show by talking about the moon and his drive to and from Pinehurst.

Mar 12
Tony opens the show by wondering how smart his dog Chessie is.

Mar 8
Tony opens the show by talking about his new chair, a sweater he bought for Michael, and a lamp he got.

Mar 5
Tony opens the show by talking about a mysterious package he received.

Feb 26
Tony opens the show by talking about the moon, late fees, and also about a phone call he made.

Feb 19
Tony opens the show by talking about a problem he is having with a water bill in Rehobeth.

Feb 12
Tony opens the show by talking about COVID absolutism.

Feb 5
Tony opens the show by talking about his new boots and a video message he got from Peter Asher.

Feb 3
Tony opens the show by talking about some boots somebody mailed him, and also about trying to order some canvas prints from L.L. Bean.

Jan 29
Tony opens the show by reading a letter he got from heaven.

Jan 22
Tony opens the show by talking about sneakers, ties, and sweaters.

Jan 15
Tony opens the show by talking about daylight savings, ravioli, and special days on the calendar.

Jan 11
Tony opens the show by talking about a calendar he got, as well as the NFL playoff games from the weekend.

Jan 4
Tony opens the show by talking about condiments, and also about the final day of the NFL regular season.

Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss

on

A mix of professional chefs and passionate home cooks compete in a series of creative cooking challenges, earning cash in their bank for every dish that impresses Chef Ludo. But they'll have to avert the meddling of an undercover mole (the "rat") determined to sabotage the dishes and undermine their chances at victory. If the rat avoids detection, he/she wins big money.

The Mole, but with cooking!

We understand that around 10% of staff are striking but production is continuing.

Rats in the production office, scabs on set.

Idea: The Mole, but with a professional sports team. A docu-series that follows a team through a season in which one of the players is a paid saboteur.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on


25. Ziwe with Adam Pally (Ziwe, S01E06)

Stray Observations

  • "How many of y'all are in my house? Y'all are rolling deep as Adele." (Blindspotting, S01E01)
  • "But a certain amount of fuckery is inevitable with my sister, okay?"
    "Miles, establish a fuckery cap!" (Blindspotting, S01E01)
  • "Ugh, you are letting them change our way of life. We are liberated legs. We are well-ventilated coochie." (Blindspotting, S01E01)
  • "Oh, yeah, I'm definitely using one of those illegally-smuggled butt phones. I braved the dangers of foreign ass to call you and tell you I love you." (Blindspotting, S01E01)
  • Maria Bamford (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E04)
  • "Come on. These big old niggas ain't gonna pick themselves."
    "They're begonias. Don't say that at the store." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E04)
  • "Enough with the weed killer, man."
    "Weed killer? No, that's puppy piss, man."
    "Why do you have… You don't even have a dog."
    "I used to! This is old!" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E04)
  • "Kev, look, I like you, but all we do is Fire Stick and fuck." (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E04)
  • "Shorty just been lying to me the whole time, talking about she like broke niggas."
    "Nobody likes broke niggas."
    "Exactly! I know! That's why I thought she was different!" (Flatbush Misdemeanors, S01E04)
  • Ziwe Season Grade: C
  • "Some of us need this." (Loki, S01E02)
  • Cyclist Loki (Loki, S01E02)
  • "It's not Asgard, that's my lunch." (Loki, S01E02)
  • Josta and BoKu (Loki, S01E02)
  • "If you think too hard about where any of us came from, who we truly are, it sounds kinda ridiculous. Existence is chaos. Nothing makes any sense, so we try to make some sense of it." (Loki, S01E02)
  • "God, now I understand why Thor found this so annoying." (Loki, S01E02)
  • ♫: "I Took a Shit in Korea" (Dave, S02E01)
  • "I got sucked last night." (Dave, S02E01)
  • "Bro, I ain't trying to get A$AP Rocky'd in Korea." (Dave, S02E01)
  • ♫: Jupither – "I Kissed a Boy" (Genera+ion, S01E09)
  • "We are taking Riley to Delilah's, and then the world is our Din Thai Fung oyster." (Genera+ion, S01E10)
  • "Oh, my God, the '90s were so fucked. What would it be like to have to call people for everything?" (Genera+ion, S01E10)
  • ♫: Jodeci – "Freek'n You" (Betty, S02E02)
  • ♫: Emmalyn – "#FreeTitties" (Betty, S02E02)
  • "Can you spit in his sandwich?"
    "Oh, no, we don't do that anymore now." (Betty, S02E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: The Underground Railroad
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: Girls5eva