Adam Riff™

10. Then, Now, Forever (WWE SmackDown, 06 Mar 21)

Stray Observations

• Vince McMahon's casting (Young Rock, S01E03)
• "They didn't even talk about us during fernet." (Young Rock, S01E03)
• "We slept like angels."
  "Well, angels are technically dead, so…" (Kenan, S01E03)
• "Princesses are out. Empowerment is in. Will you sing us a song about that, please?"
  "Okay, uh… ♫ Title IX / You are so fine / Famous for your place in athletics ♫" (Kenan, S01E03)
• "I got to stop being so polite and start—"
  "Getting real?"
  "Don't tell me the Real World tagline. Let me remember it on my own." (Kenan, S01E03)
• "Take what you're getting, do your job, and please, shut the fuck up." (Snowfall, S04E03)
• "You keep your silver, Satan." (Snowfall, S04E03)
• Buick'd (WandaVision, S01E09)
• "Flourish." (WandaVision, S01E09)
• "Ralph Bohner" (WandaVision, S01E09)
• "I request elaboration." (WandaVision, S01E09)
• "Boys, handle the military. Mommy will be right back." (WandaVision, S01E09)
• "Thanks for choosing me to be your mom." (WandaVision, S01E09)
• "We have said goodbye before, so it stands to reason…"
  "We'll say hello again." (WandaVision, S01E09)
• WandaVision Season Grade: C
• Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor grunting (Close Enough, S02E05)
• "First, you must select all images with traffic lights on them!" (Close Enough, S02E05)
• "P.S. 'Dicktaints' still means dicktaints." (Close Enough, S02E06)
• "Sip my ass!" (Close Enough, S02E06)
• "Yeah, eat shit, Marc Maron!" (Close Enough, S02E07)
• "I'm going to the bathroom. Without my phone." (Close Enough, S02E07)
• "Something is going on here – you're jealous. You can't handle that I'm the hot one."
  "That is absolutely part of it! But not all of it." (Close Enough, S02E08)
• Close Enough Season Grade: C

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

9. #1 in the U.S. Today (Ginny and Georgia, S01E08)

Stray Observations

• "Do you think I want Sim's Market Brand Milk Alternative for my coffee? No. I want the purple half-and-half, but nobody here is making half-and-half money." (Young Rock, S01E02)
• "Their crab cakes make me horny." (Kenan, S01E02)
• ♫: Labi Siffre – "I Got The…" (Snowfall, S04E01)
• "Can't trust Skully with his crucifixing ass." (Snowfall, S04E01)
• "And I know Skully crazy. But he always stay in his lane."
  "'Lane' like the New Testament type shit?" (Snowfall, S04E01)
• "Everybody came at us, trying to take our territory and fuck us up. Who you think kept 'em back? Louie? Jerome and his fucking speakers?" (Snowfall, S04E01)
• "No, I ain't gonna crucify. That's too good for that motherfucker. I'm-a stone his bitch ass." (Snowfall, S04E02)
• "Chet, I-I think your viewers—"
  "Viewer, singular. Helen got Netflix." (Mr. Mayor, S01E09)
• "Bring them in. Bring them all in. Let's have a meeting."
  "Your funeral."
  "We'll be at the 18th hole of the Brentwood Country Club. They're gonna use my ashes to make a golf ball, and Phil Mickelson's gonna hit a drive at sunset. This will be nothing like that." (Mr. Mayor, S01E09)
• "I'm a psycho?"
  "Hella psycho. [pause] What? I'm an L.A. rabbi." (Mr. Mayor, S01E09)
• "All right, I'm gonna need you all to do two types of ups: shut and listen." (Mr. Mayor, S01E09)
• Mr. Mayor Season Grade: C
• "I did not break your rules. They simply bent to my power." (WandaVision, S01E08)
• "I got close with fake Pietro. Fietro, if you will." (WandaVision, S01E08)
• "Did you forget who's got your children stashed away in her bewitched basement?" (WandaVision, S01E08)
• Who's the Boss? (WandaVision, S01E08)
• "Dick Van Dyke again?" (WandaVision, S01E08)
• "So, what I see here is a baby witch, obsessed with sitcoms and years of therapy ahead of her." (WandaVision, S01E08)
• "Is it funny because of the grievous injury the man just suffered?"
  "No, he's not really injured."
  "Ah. How can you be certain?"
  "It's not that kind of show."(WandaVision, S01E08)
• "But what is grief, if not love persevering?" (WandaVision, S01E08)
• "I can't feel you." (WandaVision, S01E08)
• To grow old in New Jersey? (WandaVision, S01E08)
• "My other friend was working at The National, says this one walks around with a boyfriend like it's not even a secret."
  "Hm?"
  "Derek Jacobi." (It's a Sin, S01E03)
• Stephen Fry: "I think Nanny's cross with me." (It's a Sin, S01E04)
• Doctor Who (It's a Sin, S01E04)
• "I pissed in Mrs. Thatcher's coffee."
  "You're lying."
  "Black man's piss." (It's a Sin, S01E04)
• "I've got news for you all. I wanted you to be the first to know. I'm gonna live."
  ♫: Belinda Carlisle – "Heaven Is a Place on Earth" (It's a Sin, S01E04)
• ♫: R.E.M. – "Everybody Hurts"? (It's a Sin, S01E05)
• It's a Sin Season Grade: C
• "We saw this really old movie at school today called King Kong! It had Jack Black in it!" (Close Enough, S02E01)
• "We got our results back from that bulk genetic test we bought from Costco!"
  "Nice. So, whose ancestors killed who?"
  "Well, my people came from Guadalajara, Bridgette's came from Kyoto, and Josh is white."
  (Close Enough, S02E01)
• "When you're with the Trickles, McRibs are on the menu year round!"
  "Take that, Ronald McDonald, you withholdin' sack of dog shit." (Close Enough, S02E01)
• "We'd do it at our place, but we're re-glazing our butthole washers." (Close Enough, S02E01)
• "Do your mom and dad have money?"
  "No, my dad does improv." (Close Enough, S02E02)

(Close Enough, S02E02)

• "Remember, tomorrow is Cher Day, so bring in a small item that makes you believe in life after love." (Close Enough, S02E02)
• "Who's this chick? She on the rag, too? Oh, cycle sisters. Hot." (Close Enough, S02E02)
• "It's lunchtime, bitch!" (Close Enough, S02E03)
• "No, don't stop to blow up your hemorrhoid donut!" (Close Enough, S02E03)
• ♫ "Want some hummus at 10:15 delivered to your door? / Access all man's knowledge and really specific porn?" ♫ (Close Enough, S02E03)
• "Out there, I'm a divorced adjunct professor with paper cuts on his dong. In here, I'm an invincible penised god." (Close Enough, S02E03)
• ♫: Smash Mouth – "All Star" (Close Enough, S02E03)
• "Not now, Beyoncé!" (Close Enough, S02E04)
• "Henri and I have so much in common. He also hates fake bitches." (Close Enough, S02E04)
• "I've also written an opera about your face." (Close Enough, S02E04)
• "And that, my friends, is how you disarm somebody who's holding a churro." (Close Enough, S02E04)
• "Pearle's simulating a terrorist takeover, just like in Die Hard 2, except in a building!" (Close Enough, S02E04)
• "Don't look at me, I'm just your dong."
  […]
  "Nooo! I wanted no part of this." (Close Enough, S02E04)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

8. Freedom! '81 (It's a Sin, S01E01)

Stray Observations

• Ed Orgeron (Young Rock, S01E01)
• "Rick came down when Cori passed and never left. It's been a year of him just all up in our business, man. Just throwing our swagger off as a unit, trying to get us to watch Green Book all the damn time." (Kenan, S01E01)
• "I can't get you on Raya, man. You gotta be rich or famous or something to get on that app."
  "And I would've been both of those things if my mixtape wasn't get caught up in the courts."
  "Because you named yourself Lil Caesar."
  "It's completely different from the pizza place!"
  "But then why was your first single called 'Beatsa, Beatsa'?" (Kenan, S01E01)
• "Are you gambling on This Is Us plot twists?"
  "Oh, yeah. This is the most dangerous game: life." (Kenan, S01E01)
• "Mikaela Shaw doesn't get lucky. I got HPV from a pair of vintage jeans." (Mr. Mayor, S01E08)
• "Let's have a rematch. Porgy's, tonight. Or are you dollar chicken?"
  "Bock, bock."
  "Wait, was that a yes or a no?" (Mr. Mayor, S01E08)
• "This sub-equatorial country is home to the yellow-tailed woolly monkey and one marmalade-loving bear—"
  "Peru! 'Cause Paddington." (Mr. Mayor, S01E08)
• "Chocolate babies." (Mr. Mayor, S01E08)
• "Well, Nicole runs a Pilates studio."
  "Oh—oh, no, it was Pilates, but we pivoted. Now we do fairy birthday parties for adults." (Mr. Mayor, S01E08)
• "You have been slorshing that lady for six years."
  "Well, is that a term, or are you messing with me 'cause you know I'm gonna repeat it?" (Mr. Mayor, S01E08)
• "You know I'm LeBron, and you're, like, the Laker Vanessa Hudgens hooked up with." (Mr. Mayor, S01E08)
• "Dad, that's a food thing. For restaurants."
  "So when I checked Cuban, Asian, and New American, that was all food?"
  "Ew, what? Okay, let's try Graya. It's like old people's Raya."
  [doorbell rings]
  "It's probably Postmates. We're gonna be eating a lot of healthy Armenian the next couple of days." (Mr. Mayor, S01E08)
• Wii and Gamecube controllers (WandaVision, S01E07)
• Happy Endings (WandaVision, S01E07)
• "I promise I won't bite."
  "I actually did bite a kid once." (WandaVision, S01E07)
• Yo Gabba Gabba (WandaVision, S01E07)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson