A new social app that empowers and gamifies good humaning

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Previously on Adam Riff™:

Who needs April Fools' Day jokes when Discovery+ exists?

I found 16 Alaska-related shows on Discovery+.

Alaska Vet.
Alaska Women Looking for Love.
Buying Alaska.
Alaska Haunting.
Alaska Proof [distillery].

Paramount+ should commission Drag Race: Alaska.

Guy Fieri keeps trying to make his uncharismatic son Hunter happen, and Food Network is too cowardly to stop him.

Thinking about how Guy didn't want to travel to SoCal to shoot Guy's Grocery Games, so Food Network built a market in Santa Rosa, CA, where he lives.

Guy should ask Food Network to revive Hannibal.

MOMENT OF TRUTH (IMDB TV)
Premieres Friday, April 2

DESCRIPTION:
The five-part series analyzes and presents new compelling information on the 1993 murder of James Jordan. The crime shocked the nation, creating a media frenzy and countless speculations and conspiracy theories.

We've reached the "Michael Jordan's dad" part of the true crime wave.

ESPN+ should commission a true sports-related crime docu-series à la Dark Side of the Ring.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

13. Justice League Dark (Invincible, S01E01)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Jerome wearing a fur-collared leather robe in Little Rock (Snowfall, S04E06)
  • "Damn. Fucking my shocks up." (Snowfall, S04E06)
  • "You jelly roll motherfucker!" (Snowfall, S04E06)
  • "Hey, hey, somebody help me! I've been kidnapped by these two crazy hos!" (Snowfall, S04E06)
  • Leon struggling to slam the table (Snowfall, S04E06)
  • "Alright, looks like we are all inside the bussy." (Genera+ion, S01E06)
  • "A sorcerer is a wizard without a hat." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
  • "A little time in Wakanda and you come out White Panther."
    "It's actually White Wolf." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
  • "Look, I see a guy hanging out of a helicopter in tactical gear, I need a lot more than Lemar Hoskins." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
  • "So are you, like, Black kid?" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
  • "Freaky Magoo" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
  • "If he was wrong about you, then he was wrong about me." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E02)
  • Guardians of the Globe voiced by Walking Dead cast members (Invincible, S01E01)
  • ♫: DJ Shadow – "Rocket Fuel [feat. De La Soul]" (Invincible, S01E03)
  • "Oh yeah, they're making Succession cereal with all the shapes: Romans, Logans, and Purple Shivs!" (Solar Opposites, S02E01)
  • "Smell my peen! They grow the grapes in Brooklyn in the middle of a Montessori preschool." (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
  • "How the fuck were we supposed to know Debbie Liebling?" (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
  • "Infant carrots" (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
  • "Do you know what I just read in this spinning newspaper?"
    "Family Circus is still going? How is that possible? All of those kids should be dead." (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
  • "I grew these Napadoodles using techno‐organic material. They can sense cheese plates and Cards Against Humanity from miles away." (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
  • "Come on, you're a war hero. You've got the stomach for this. Plus, you were an Executive Story Editor on Bones." (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
  • "Quick, grab the scooter made from birds." (Solar Opposites, S02E02)
  • ♫: Phosphorescent – "Song For Zula" (Can't Get You Out of My Head, S01E01)
  • ♫: Nine Inch Nails – "The Worriment Waltz" (Can't Get You Out of My Head, S01E01)
  • ♫: The Mekons – "Where Were You?" (Can't Get You Out of My Head, S01E02)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

Looking forward:

There's no relax champ

on

Buddy Boeheim is Jim Boeheim's SON?!

Jim Boeheim (76)
Buddy Boeheim (21)

Not a grandson. Father at 55.

Donald Trump (74)
Barron Trump (15)

Father at 59.

Larry King (87)
Cannon King (20)

Father at 67.

Norman Lear (98)
Madeline and Brianna Lear (26)

Father at 72.

Mick Jagger (77)
Deveraux Jagger (4)

Father at 73.

Q: Which old father will be in their youngest child/children's life the longest?

Can Boeheim or Trump beat Norman Lear's 26 years and counting?

Stupid Express

on

Imagine working on a show premiering on the same day as Metacritic's April Fools' Day joke.

PIG ROYALTY (DISCOVERY+)
Premieres Tuesday, March 23

Dive into the extreme world of pig show competitions and follow the rivalry between two unforgettable families: the Baleros, who have reigned supreme for years; and the Rihns, who want to take them down and become the next great pig dynasty.

COCKTAILS AND TALL TALES WITH INA GARTEN AND MELISSA MCCARTHY (DISCOVERY+)
Premieres Friday, March 26

LAUNDRY GUY (DISCOVERY+)
Premieres Wednesday, March 31

Laundry expert Patric Richardson learns the meaningful histories behind his clients' irreplaceable pieces, and then carefully restores the items to mint condition.

CHOPPED 420 (DISCOVERY+)
Premieres Tuesday, April 20

Talented and experienced chefs create ganja-infused dishes.

During [one] episode, the chefs contend with spot prawns and borscht in the appetizer round. In the entrée round, the remaining chefs are greeted with chocolate dentures, an ingredient you'd have to be high to come up with, while the last two competitors standing blaze into the dessert round only to be faced with a bottle of ketchup. The chef that keeps a clear head despite all the haze in the air will be crowned the 420 champion.

Other episodes feature host Ron Funches presenting the chefs with sake popsicles to use in their dishes that will have the judges flying high and seeing double. And see what happens when the chefs must use cannabis to compliment the duo of armadillo eggs and eel.

Who needs April Fools' Day jokes when Discovery+ exists?

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

12. Destined to do this forever (Zack Snyder's Justice League)

Stray Observations

  • "And welcome to Young Athletes and the Road Ahead, brought to you by NBC and our proud sponsor Beyond Protein."
    "Where's the beef? On the cow where it belongs."
    "Thanks, Beyondé" (Young Rock, S01E04)
  • Young Michael Irvin, Uncle Luke, Cheech Marin, Mario Cristobal (Young Rock, S01E04)
  • "Sanka? I don't chew on Sanka, son. You find me that good Italian crap with the gondola on it." (Young Rock, S01E04)
  • "Dear John's about the start."
    "Heading out, Omar. Record it for me." (Young Rock, S01E04)
  • "What's in the fanny pack?"
    "Pop Tarts and condoms."
    "Eat it and beat it." (Young Rock, S01E04)


(Young Rock, S01E04)

  • Actual Ed Orgeron (Young Rock, S01E04)
  • "I mean, when I got married, I figured I was done dating for like, forever, and then she… And then for a while, it basically felt like a wrap on like the lower half of my body." (Kenan, S01E04)
  • "Man, I've been married so long, I don't even know what flirting looks like."
    "Usually an eggplant or a peach." (Kenan, S01E04)
  • "It might be nice to have a cup of coffee or something with somebody, or maybe go on a tandem bicycle ride. I obviously forgot how to date." (Kenan, S01E04)
  • "Kenan, look, with all due respect to you, which is none, because you wear
    sweatpants out of the house…" (Kenan, S01E04)
  • "She got a real good look at the shooter. Want to guess who it was? Daffy motherfucking Duck." (Snowfall, S04E05)
  • ♫: Nina Simone – "Tell Me More and More and Then Some" (Snowfall, S04E05)
  • "What you got left, Saint?"
    "What I got? [laughs] I got the plug, nigga." (Snowfall, S04E05)
  • ♫: Britney Spears – "Lucky" (Genera+ion, S01E04)
  • "I don't want to sit and argue about who's making Rice Krispie treats for some shitty bake sale. Like, let's tell the school they have to give us money. Let's go to the queer motherland – San Francisco. Let's learn some historical shit about ourselves. And from now on, let's just, like, get it the fuck right, okay?"
    "Also, doesn't San Francisco have, like, that three-story H&M?" (Genera+ion, S01E04)
  • "Wait, do you enthusiastically consent?" (Genera+ion, S01E04)
  • ♫: K.Flay – "Sister" (Genera+ion, S01E04)
  • "What are you doing, Mormon?" (Genera+ion, S01E05)
  • ♫: Binki – "Heybb!" (Genera+ion, S01E05)
  • Georges St-Pierre (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E01)
  • "I had a little…calm in Wakanda." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E01)
  • "Yori, what's goin' on? I thought we're getting lunch."
    "Unique is putting his trash into my trash, and the time has come for me to smack…" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E01)
  • "Hey, man. I'm Unique. It's like Monique, but it's got a 'U' in there for uniqueness." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E01)
  • "What's wrong with pinochle?" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E01)
  • "You know how you call a guy whose wife died a widower? Or, if your parents die, you're an orphan? There's no word for someone whose kids die, because it's the worst thing that could happen." (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E01)
  • "You have no income over the last five years."
    "How can you have income if you don't exist?" (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, S01E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

Indefensible Teal

on

Papa Roach's "Last Resort" features hilariously in Jerrod Carmichael's 2021 Sundance film On the Count of Three.


The current number one mainstream rock song in America is a Papa Roach song from 2019.

This Friday, Papa Roach will release a SECOND greatest hits album:

PAPA ROACH has released 21 Top 5 singles over the course of its distinguished career — 12 of which are included in the new greatest-hits collection from the past 10 years. [source]

Sporcle Quiz Idea:

Customers who viewed The Better Noise Years also viewed a new Offspring album

…that features a piano version of "Gone Away"

…that sounds like Gary Jules' cover of "Mad World."

Does…does Papa Roach have more hits than The Offspring?

Per Billboard's mainstream rock airplay chart history:

Papa Roach
6 No. 1 Hits
22 Top 10 Hits
31 Songs

The Offspring
2 No. 1 Hits
14 Top 10 Hits
26 Songs

Melissa Auf der Maur produced a dramatic thriller about the Unabomber.

Supposably / Embiggen

on

Browsing SXSW Film Festival shorts…

The Nipple Whisperer
Maurice Sanders has a gift. He's a nipple whisperer.


Squeegee
A high-powered female CEO meets her high-rise window-washer for an erotic rendezvous on opposite sides of a skyscraper window.

Ten Leaves Dilated
A documentary that uses the make-believe world crafted by Cabbage Patch Kids to examine discourses surrounding childbirth in the American South.

Trade Center
The voices of five gay men who cruised for sex at the World Trade Center in the 1980s and 1990s haunt the sanitized, commerce-driven landscape that is the newly rebuilt Freedom Tower campus.


My Fat Arse and I
An amusing film about anorexia and butts.

Nuevo Rico
A brother and sister stumble upon a celestial secret that propels them into Reggaetón stardom.

Rendang of Death
In a quaint restaurant, two bros put their friendship to the test when it turns out that there's only a single plate of their favorite food left: the Rendang of Death.


Flick
A reclusive college student is driven mad after picking a booger he can't flick away.


A Puff Before Dying
A wild night of drugs and drugged up driving ends in tragedy for three teenage girls that happen to be marionettes.

Reklaw
A team of altruistic vigilantes destroy evidence to keep as many people from prison as possible.


Run That Shit!
A Satanic cult lures a no-name rapper into stealing an enchanted chamber pot from his estranged friend and now superstar rapper, Big Tobacco.

Stuffed
A musical about a taxidermist who dreams of stuffing a human and the man she meets online, so afraid of aging he volunteers to be her specimen.

O Black Hole!
A woman who can't stand the passing of time turns herself into a black hole.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

11. Exploding Ring (AEW Revolution, 07 Mar 21)

Honourable Mention

Stray Observations

  • Hollywood elites: BASEketball photo (South ParQ Vaccination Special, 10 Mar 21)


(South ParQ Vaccination Special, 10 Mar 21)

  • ♫: The Osmonds – "Down by the Lazy River" (South ParQ Vaccination Special, 10 Mar 21)
  • "Want to buy a tooth?" (Snowfall, S04E04)
  • "His name would be good, for starters."
    "Well, I already told you, his name's Skully."
    "His Christian name."
    "Nah. I think he Catholic." (Snowfall, S04E04)
  • "How long the hospital gonna keep her?"
    "Depends on the procedure, recovery time, insurance…"
    "I mean, she a smoker with bullet holes." (Snowfall, S04E04)
  • "Skully's real name is Terrence?"
    "That nigga look like a Terrence." (Snowfall, S04E04)
  • "How do you know a reporter's lying? 'Cause her lips are moving." (Snowfall, S04E04)
  • "Shut up! The Chipotle woman is looking!" (Genera+ion, S01E01)
  • "How can I be a bigot? My parents are fags." (Genera+ion, S01E01)
  • "Oh, dude, you just came in my fucking eye!" (Genera+ion, S01E01)
  • "You're like a slut phoenix rising from the ashes of being a virgin." (Genera+ion, S01E02)


(Genera+ion, S01E02)

  • "How to stop gag reflex" (Genera+ion, S01E02)
  • "He's wearing a Supreme hat. He's obviously not gay." (Genera+ion, S01E02)
  • "There is no way I'm coming between her mouth and his junk." (Genera+ion, S01E02)
  • "Oh, 'ack, I 'uv 'ur 'ock!" (Genera+ion, S01E02)
  • Arianna slipping in the washroom (Genera+ion, S01E03)
  • "Bro, I say let's get fucked up and watch the Fast and Furious movies." (Genera+ion, S01E03)
  • "I always thought you had blow job lips." (Genera+ion, S01E03)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

Smork Alam

on

Is that a play on…?

Yes, yes, it is.

Thinking about how The Ringer's House of Carbs podcast changed its House of Cards-inspired artwork after Kevin Spacey was cancelled, and then was itself cancelled after frequent guest Adam Rapoport was cancelled.