Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

48. Blake Griffin interview (The Eric Andre Show, S05E10)

Honourable Mention

  • America's Greatest Hits (The Eric Andre Show, S05E09)
  • Halloween make-up focus group (The F-Spot with Derrick Beckles, 27 Nov 20)

Stray Observations

  • "I wouldn't recommend that."
    "Well, you're talking to someone who was nearly an Eagle Scout, so I think I can handle it." (Moonbase 8, S01E03)
  • "I got a big dick too, you know." (Fargo, S04E10)
  • Odis tripping foreshadowing Gaetano's death (Fargo, S05E10)


(Fargo, S05E10)

  • Adam Conover (The Eric Andre Show, S05E09)


(The Eric Andre Show, S05E09)

  • Adam Conover catching a stray bullet (The Eric Andre Show, S05E09)
  • Legs of dead floating clown behind stagehand (The Eric Andre Show, S05E09)
  • Curb Your Enthusiasm theme "we'll be right back" (The Eric Andre Show, S05E09)
  • "We're TV X now." (The Eric Andre Show, S05E09)
  • "I've got a milky eye!" (The Eric Andre Show, S05E10)
  • "Dude, I stole this from Lena Dunham's parents. It's her sonogram." (The Eric Andre Show, S05E10)
  • Who Killed Hannibal? callback (The Eric Andre Show, S05E10)
  • The Eric Andre Show Season Grade: B
  • "I thought he was winking at you earlier. But now, I see it’s just a series of small strokes." (The Flight Attendant, S01E01)
  • "Oh, but don't take them all at once, okay? Because if you die, your mother's gonna kill me, and I don't want a double funeral with a boy named Mason." (The Flight Attendant, S01E02)
  • "What is that thing?"
    "I keep it around for luck." (The Mandalorian, S02E05)
  • Grogu (The Mandalorian, S02E05)
  • "I like firsts. Good or bad, they're always memorable." (The Mandalorian, S02E05)
  • "Combined, not even your laser swords would be able to protect you from all that firepower." (The Mandalorian, S02E05)


(The Mandalorian, S02E05)

  • "What's your favorite movie?"
    "I just saw something on Instagram that was going viral where a pastor was wearing some kicks from…"
    "Home Alone. Great." (The F-Spot with Derrick Beckles, 27 Nov 20)
  • True Crime's "Killer" Podsta Sauce (The F-Spot with Derrick Beckles, 27 Nov 20)
  • "They'll call you up, or DM your URL, and say, 'Hey, we want a stool sample.'"
    "My God!"
    "Don't send them your stool sample."
    "This is just dystonian. I mean…"
    "Only send your stool sample to a licensed computer person." (The F-Spot with Derrick Beckles, 27 Nov 20)
  • "I think we spend every day living in their world, but today, they're gonna die in ours." (Warrior, S02E09)


(Warrior, S02E09)

  • "We may not like each other, but today, we're Chinese and they're not, and that's all that matters. If we live to tomorrow, we can go back to the luxury of our own agendas." (Warrior, S02E09)
  • How To with John Wilson Season Grade: A

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

iPhone 378

on

This article is 932 words long.

Paragraph 6:

This week, on Saturday, Nov. 21, there WILL NOT be a new episode of "SNL."

12 more paragraphs follow.

671 words.

Paragraph 8:

This topic does not ultimately matter.

Sub-headline:

The new video game gives Reagan credit for ending the Iran Hostage Crisis, which was over by the time he was inaugurated

960 words follow.

Paragraph 18:

It's likely that this was simply a mistake.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

47. In the hole way down (The Mandalorian, S02E04)

Honourable Mention

  • Bone TV (The Eric Andre Show, S05E08)

Stray Observations

  • "John Brown's zeal in the cause of freedom was infinitely superior to mine. I could live for the slave. John Brown could die for him." (The Good Lord Bird, S01E07)
  • "And then I looked at the Old Man and realized he looked exactly like the way white folks picture God." (The Good Lord Bird, S01E07)
  • Killer Mike (The Good Lord Bird, S01E07)
  • "The Good Lord bird doesn't fly in a flock. You know why? The voice of our spirit is gentle. Sometimes you have to fly alone to hear it." (The Good Lord Bird, S01E07)
  • "Whatever you are, Onion, be it in full." (The Good Lord Bird, S01E07)
  • The Good Lord Bird Season Grade: C


(Moonbase 8, S01E02)

  • "I know what oxygen smells like."
    "How do you know?"
    "I've done oxygen." (The Eric Andre Show, S05E07)
  • "Stop filming Tia Carrere!" (The Eric Andre Show, S05E07)
  • Ryan Nemeth (The Eric Andre Show, S05E08)
  • "It's like the Torah part two, but now it's for kids." (The Eric Andre Show, S05E08)
  • IG-11 statue (The Mandalorian, S02E04)
  • Macarons (The Mandalorian, S02E04)
  • "Rope Man, you tell any Fung Hai still breathing they work for us now."
    "I don't think anyone is still breathing." (Warrior, S02E08)
  • ♫: Kigga – "China Town"? (Warrior, S02E08)
  • ♫: Frank Ocean – "Thinkin Bout You" (A Teacher, S01E01)
  • ♫: Justin Bieber – "Boyfriend" (A Teacher, S01E02)
  • Oldboy (Animaniacs, S06E01)

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

Desperately trying not to sweat off the glue

on

Food Network turned Candy Land into a competition series?


Needless to say, the whole thing is a bit more involved than the actual Candy Land—and based on actual skill, unlike the board game which was entirely determined by how mom shuffled the deck. [source]

The series will offer a supersized Uno experience that also incorporates audience participation, over-the-top physical challenges, and trivia.

[pause]

Did we learn nothing from the Candy Crush game show?

Without compelling gameplay, the show's creators have decided to complicate the experience with gimmicks.

Contestants scramble to match colored candies while floating in the air with a harness, riding a makeshift crane and using a giant pole, and while fastened to a teammate with a rigid candy cane in between. [source]

Based on the popular Japanese game show format Sokkuri Sweets, the series features teams of celebrities and civilians attempting to identify edible creations designed to look like everyday, ordinary objects.

Once the contestants make their choice, they must take take a bite so see if they're right.

Deep Tissue Couple Prenatal Thai

on

// Coronado, CA

I check in to a hotel. The front desk clerk, Brenda, is an older white woman whose mask is under her nose. She's wearing it loosely.

Brenda: Please fill this out.

Brenda: What ethnicity are you?
Me: What?
Brenda: Are you Mongolian?
Me: Uhh… I suppose I'm Han Chinese? Who are one of the ethnic groups in Mongolia, so…I could be Mongolian?

Me: All squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares.

Brenda: I like your shirt.
Me: Thanks.
Brenda: What is "Wax Bodega"?
Me: It's a— It was a record store in Ohio.
Brenda: Oh, where in Ohio? I used to live there.
Me: Cleveland.

No response.

Brenda: I like your pants. They look good on you.

I spend my trip hanging out with (among others) someone whose mother is four years younger than me.

Adam Riff™ Clip of the Week

on

46. Skin Trade (How To with John Wilson, S01E04)

Stray Observations

  • "The old man would want you to have this. It's, um…symbolic."
    "I ain't got no use for no symbolic sword." (The Good Lord Bird, S01E06)
  • "'Alcohol is your friend – with a knife.'" (Fargo, S04E08)
  • "Listen, just because Kelce tells you to do something, doesn't mean you have to do it." (Moonbase 8, S01E01)
  • "Because we are members of the National Association of Space Astronauts."
    "The what?"
    "NASA."
    "No, it's the, um… N… It's the North American…Space Association. Right? Is it?"
    "No, no, no. That's-that's…that's not it. Uh…"
    "It's the National Association–"
    "It's not 'National.' Nautical. Nautical, 'cause it started with boats. Nautical…Astronomy Society of…Adventure."
    "I don't think it stands for anything. I think it's just a word: NASA."
    "It's NASA."
    "NASA. Okay. NASA. We're NASA!" (Moonbase 8, S01E01)
  • "Here. Have a squirt."
    "It's cleaning solution, Cap."
    "It's mostly water."
    "Can't live off cleaning solution." (Moonbase 8, S01E01)
  • John Cena (The Eric Andre Show, S05E05)
  • Macarena (The Eric Andre Show, S05E05)
  • "I wish I was Lance Reddick!"
    "Thanks, Levar." (The Eric Andre Show, S05E05)
  • "It's my last day as a Hasid. I can do whatever I want. I'm going to a Christmas party, and I hope Harmony Korine puts me in one of his outrageous movies." (The Eric Andre Show, S05E05)
  • "Fuck H₂O! What about H₂O₂, the sequel to water?!"
    "Part two!" (The Eric Andre Show, S05E05)
  • Lil Nas X Japanese television reaction (The Eric Andre Show, S05E05)
  • Pouring nacho cheese on Grimes (The Eric Andre Show, S05E05)
  • "I tried to do a cool trick to impress my wife before sundown." (The Eric Andre Show, S05E06)
  • "What are you cooking?"
    "Crystal meth and placenta." (The Eric Andre Show, S05E06)
  • Ray's Pizza coupon (The Eric Andre Show, S05E06)
  • "My titties are gonna come out. Please don't."
    "Hey, hey. Leave the medical mumbo-jumbo for the scientists." (The Eric Andre Show, S05E06)
  • "I'm just a cop eating shit and getting drunk." (The Eric Andre Show, S05E06)
  • "Shit-Eating Horse Cop" (The Eric Andre Show, S05E06)
  • Lil Freedia (The Eric Andre Show, S05E06)
  • Sasha Banks (The Mandalorian, S02E03)
  • "No, I have enough pets." (The Mandalorian, S02E03)
  • "The accused, John Chinaman" (Warrior, S02E07)
  • "I'm not fucking politician."
    "That's what the best ones always say." (Warrior, S02E07)
  • "My father used to say, 'If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will come floating by.'"
    "No, I think that was Sun Tzu actually."
    "Well, he also said it." (Warrior, S02E07)
  • "But they still let the pigs go wherever they want." (How To with John Wilson, S01E04)
  • "They actually recently made it illegal to declaw your cat in New York…uh, I think." (How To with John Wilson, S01E04)


(The Queen's Gambit, S01E01)

  • "My tranquility needs to be refurbished." (The Queen's Gambit, S01E02)
  • "D.L. Townes" (The Queen's Gambit, S01E03)
  • "Do you still like my hair?" (The Queen's Gambit, S01E06)
  • Beth's under-eye lines (The Queen's Gambit, S01E06)
  • "So, what will your fellow radicals think? You being with a rich white lawyer?"
    "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." (The Queen's Gambit, S01E07)
  • Boy server offering vodka (The Queen's Gambit, S01E07)
  • "Good for you, cracker." (The Queen's Gambit, S01E07)
  • The Queen's Gambit Season Grade: B

Still the AR™TV World Drama Champion: P-Valley
Still the AR™TV World Comedy Champion: How To with John Wilson

Defund my butt

on

Someone made a JCVD for Paul Hogan?

Hogan is happily retired in L.A. and doesn't care much if people think he's either dead or a reclusive has-been. Nor is he excited when told he's due to receive a knighthood for services to comedy. (Australian citizens no longer receive knighthoods, but this fact is overlooked).

So begins a series of unfortunate events that drag Hogan into an unwanted media spotlight and place his impending knighthood in jeopardy.

The trouble begins at a meeting with over-excited Hollywood studio types who think it would be just great if Will Smith played Mick's son in a new Dundee movie. No sooner has Hogan stated the obvious than news leaks out and he's accused of racism by tabloid media.

It gets worse for Hogan. Hogan somehow doesn't realize he's on the red carpet of a Black Talent awards night and not at a fundraiser for underprivileged children. Cue more media furor when Hogan tells reporters he "doesn't pity them" and wants to help "those less fortunate than me." [source]

JCVD and Iko Uwais when?

Someone is making a JCVD for Nicolas Cage:

Nicolas Cage is desperate to get a role in a new Quentin Tarantino movie while also dealing with a strained relationship with his teenage daughter.

He also occasionally talks to an egotistical 1990s version of himself who rides him for making too many crappy movies and for not being a star anymore.

Cage is also under a mountain of debt and finds himself forced to make an appearance at the birthday party of a Mexican billionaire who happens to be a fan of the actor's work and secretly hopes to show him a script on which he's been working.

While he bonds with the man, Cage is informed by the CIA that the billionaire is actually a drug cartel kingpin who has kidnapped the daughter of a Mexican presidential nominee and Cage is subsequently recruited by the U.S. government to get intelligence.

The situation spirals even more dramatically when the billionaire brings over Cage's daughter and his ex-wife for a reconciliation.