In fourth grade, Mr. Haley stumped our class with a riddle. "A man had twenty sick sheep. One died. How many were left?" Easily falling for the phonetic trick, everybody answered "25." That is, everybody except me. I answered correctly with "19." Okay, I lied….
Date Archives October 2001
Elopement on Horseback
"O leve sire shrewe, Jesu shorte thy lif! / Yit prechestou and saist an hateful wif" Jesus ranch! How do you read this shit? Nytol will help you get your Zs, but Chaucer will do it a whole lot quicker. My roommate is funny. He…
Greetings from San Griego
Heyo. Brian has h4x0red the site. I got a game for y'all. Green tea ice cream and wasabi (sushi's horseradish) are similarly weird, moldable, and the same shade of green, which make them perfect candidates for this party game: One person sits with a scoop…
Paperback Trousers
"Sorority girls suck." "No, they blow." Wow. Jord brought this to my attention and…wow. This is true. Hornblower IS God. I've seen Rory's birth certificate and it says right on there: "Rory God Hornblower." Hooray for Mr. Tony and his webcam at WankerCounty. Right back…
Because You Can't, You Won't, and You Don't Stop
Pepsi has suspended its ads featuring pop star Britney Spears because of the perception that they are too frivolous for the nation's somber mood. The video-rental giant Blockbuster has announced that it is going to start labeling new movies that have terrorist themes as a…
Drowsy Formula
"Do you realize that sleep accounts for one-third of the average person's life? ONE-THIRD of our ENTIRE existence (as we know it) down the tubes…squandered…GONE! With only about fifteen hours of consciousness in each day, only so much can be accomplished. As a result, the…