presented by Paul Blart: Mall Cop, in theatres January 16 Ahem. In the first hour of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a baby bird on Opie and Anthony
Date Archives December 2008
It's the most wonderful time of the year
…unless you're unemployed, stranded, homeless, without power, terminally ill, Jdimytai Damour, a newspaper, a bank, abandoned at a hospital in Nebraska, the people of Zimbabwe, Chrysler, Ford, GM, Toyota, the UAW, OPEC, the Detroit Lions, the Golden State Warriors, Tommy Tuberville, Billy Packer, O.J. Simpson,…
Wizard buys a hat
I was reading the January issue of my alumni magazine and The eyewear cannot be for reals. Also of note: James Franco '08 will give the keynote commencement speech to the College of Letters and Science's Class of 2009. High Times' Stoner of the Year….
The 10 Most Memorable Sex Scenes of 2008
The following videos are not safe for anyone. This text will be replaced 10. Rebound » Sons of Anarchy Fox wouldn't let me upload this scene elsewhere, so you'll need QuickTime to view it. 9. The Bigger They Come, The Harder They Fall » Nip/Tuck…
Screaming Babies Inside Out
My boss informed me that I'm working CES again, January 8-11. My initial reaction: It's on a weekend? Fuuuck! $15 minimums at roulette tables. Then: January 8… Fuuuck! I'm gonna miss the first quarter of the BCS Championship Game. Celebrities appearing at CES 09 include:…
A Million Little Pieces
Previously on Adam Riff: Aaron produced a student film in style of Jackass. Every Thursday, another chapter. The amazing sleeping brother returns… caution! contains strong language
Minor cuts and scrapes in the bushes ahead
On Top Chef 5-6: The Quickfire Challenge lasted 30 minutes. If you must supersize an episode, Bravo, at least eliminate someone. "We need more time to repeat this promo for Real Housewives. This is ouuuuuuuuuuur county!" Restaurant idea: Gwen Stefani's Hollaback Grill. (Harajuku Grill?) Located…
The Year in Media Errors and Corrections
Jonah Weiner stated that Lil Wayne was the first hip-hop artist to fantasize about eating his competition. Other rappers have contemplated consuming their rivals. We said that Jack Bauer resorted to electrocution to extract information. You cannot extract information from someone who has been electrocuted…
Forgive me, Charley Parker
I stumbled upon my high school senior thesis. Oof. I spent 10 pages comparing myself to Jack Kerouac. For my senior thesis. My thesis was that I was similar to Jack Kerouac. [pause] It's inexplicable, self-aggrandizing tripe, and I received an A+! 100/100! In retrospect,…
Pretty Sad (For A 42-Year-Old Guy)
Dexter Holland even looks like David St. Hubbins now. Yes, I implied that The Offspring are Spinal Tap.